Why a narcissist will not give closure and ways to find your closure.
Narcissists give no closure, as they are hoping it’ll cause us pain, hoping that we shall chase them, so they can frustrate us all the more, if they discarded as they have new supply our chasing of them plays into the hands of their smear campaign very nicely, they can claim to others that we are obsessed with them if we’ve ended it with them many will hold a grudge. Many narcissists will seek revenge as we seek understanding of what happened and validation of our feelings to find our closure. Often they’ve devalued us, so we no longer trust our thoughts, we no longer trust our instincts, as they have trained us to go to them on anything we were unsure about, we try to get the answers from them, as we’ve been taught to doubt and blame ourselves, when we continue to ask what we did wrong, they remain stuck within our minds, finding it harder for us to move them out, without closure, we still go searching for answers. When we should be thanking them for their inconsistency, thanking them for showing us who they are and walking away, any ending of any relationship can be painful. That pain can keep us trapped in the cycle of forgiving them, leading us to more pain when we need to face the pain, work through the pain and move on without them.
The narcissist not giving closure is just further manipulation to keep you hooked, as many narcissists can not let go, so they don’t see why you should be able to.
They know from the relationship you like answers. Because you’re not getting them, you’ll keep chasing them, giving them the attention they believe they are entitled to.
Perhaps they owe you money, another manipulation tactic. In the hope you ask them for it, they’ll never give it to you, just provide excuses after excuses to keep you hanging, dangling a carrot and taking it away. They get to keep the connection for longer.
Or they’ll then give you the “what money?” Just to confuse and anger you more.
Then it will be belongings they leave in your home, they will issue excuses after excuses again to keep you waiting, or they’ll keep yours, the ones you most value, again they will keep the excuses going, they want you to contact them about these items, they’re keeping them to hurt you, and to smear your name to the new, they’ll not show the content of a message from you, unless it’s a reaction that works in their favour, they’ll show the missed calls.
They want to get you going, so they can remain in control of your feelings.
They may turn up where you are, so when you react, as others don’t understand, you look like you’re the crazy one, helping their smear campaign against you and how crazy you are.
They may disappear for a while to leave you wondering what’s happened to them.
All tactics to keep you thinking about them.
Your closure will never come from them. Your closure comes from you, whatever method works for you. Learning who they genuinely are, learning what they do, know you can not love them better, you can not fix them, you are not the exception to the rule, you can not bring back the person they sold themselves to be, it was all an illusion, a manipulation tactic by them to hook you in, loving them more does not make them hurt you less. Radical acceptance of who they are, that you might have lowered your standards for someone who wants deserving of you, give yourself the closure, work on techniques, to get them out of your mind, to recover from anxiety,
When someone is no longer interested in us, we can begin to work on our closure; however, a narcissist will breadcrumb us, so we do our very best to please the person who is hurting us, the narcissist breadcrumbing will continue to hurt us when we don’t recognise that we are living in the hope of something they’ll never deliver, causing us psychological pain, their games keep us psychologically and emotionally trapped to them to our pain, living in the hope that if we just work harder to please them, they’ll stop hurting us when they treat us right with intermittent reinforcement, it releases that pain, to cycle around again.
Living in hope can keep us going back to the pain of a place were not meant to be
Closure can come from knowing that something that was bad for you has come to an end. It’s time to grieve, work on yourself and leave the past behind you. The closure is letting go of your limitations of the painful past and find new opportunities to bring you joy.
The closure is giving new meaning to the past so you can leave it in your past to move forwards into a better future.
The closure is seeing that story is no longer your story, that you are enough, that you will heal, you do deserve better.
The closure understanding what’s indeed happened to you, your reality, you’re meaning, validation of your feelings, learning your values and your beliefs so that you can create your personal boundaries, to close the door on that chapter in your life and walk with your head held high into your future, with mistake made lessons learned, wiser, stronger and knowing you have the coping skills to make it through anything because you are enough.
The closure is radical acceptance of who they are.
The closure is finding your peace in your freedom by walking away from those who play games with your mind, heart, dreams and soul.
A cheating narcissist not giving closure.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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