Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A lot of people get in touch asking. How can I get revenge on the narcissist? Will karma ever visit them?
This often happens, when the narcissist has just walked off with no closure, looking all loved up with their new partner, whilst you’re left heartbroken trying to piece your past and present together. When you learn all about the disorder and realise everything they had done to you and it seems like they are just going to get away with it. When you’re trying to rebuild your present and create a new future for yourself and they just keep coming after you with games, or taking you to court and dragging up the past. When you just want to pick your life back up.
When good people are angry, confused and hurting, trying to break free yet finding it almost impossible thanks to the narcissist’s hideous games when they realise they’ve been, lied to, manipulated, duped, conned, it is Normal to want to seek revenge or at least see karma hit them.
The desire to right any wrongdoings can be a powerful emotion.
Any attempt to seek revenge or justice most often leads to more self-harm for you.
As you know narcissist don’t play fair, they play cruel, calculated and dirty, they don’t think how we do, they also don’t feel the guilt like we do, even if you seek some form of revenge you’d most likely be left with guilt/ not always. Karma, however, if you’re lucky enough to see it, you most likely will feel like justice has been served, most often karma hits once you’ve moved on and any feeling you once had towards them are gone.
Why not seek revenge.
1. You are far better than this, yes it hurts, yes it’s normal to want it, but you are not like them, even if you try to cut all feelings off, you’ll most likely not be able to, however, a narcissistic person can, and they will stoop low as they don’t care for the hurt or pain they cause you. They will disconnect from any emotions, you, however, will find it hard to disconnect your emotions.
2. They are your enemy and not one you want to keep close, one you want to stay far away from. They are a parasite, they get under your skin and into your mind, they know all your weaknesses and they will use them all against you.
3. They will project all they can straight back onto you, only causing you further anger and resentment towards them, if you act out in anger back, they will have gathered an army of flying monkeys and enablers, they will have smeared your name to all those who will listen to their side, anything you do or say, they will twist and turn, then use as evidence against you, completely missing the part of the story of what they actually did.
4. Smugness, a narcissist wants to win and win at all cost, they want to protect their pride and ego, they will come at you, and when they think they’ve hit one of your nerves they will twist the knife and go in for the kill, then to top it of, they’ll have that smug smirk all over their face, again most often leaving you feeling worse.
5. If you try to play the guilt card to make them think of their actions and see sense. This will not work, they are completely self-centred, they lack object consistency, they can not truly connect with others, they are also never to blame, they will not accept accountability or responsibility, they will project and blame shift to avoid any shame feeling, therefore they will do their utmost to confuse you and make you feel guilty.
6. Tears of heartbreak are also a waste of your time, yes cry and let those emotions out just never to the narcissist, for one they can not empathise and care and second they feed off this. They know they’ve got to you, to them that’s a victory.
7. Trying to reason with them, you are simply wasting your time, energy and breath, they will find one hundred and one reasons why it’s all your fault, they will twist everything you say and use it all against you. Leaving you all the more confused.
9. Don’t try to make them jealous, if they have moved on they’ll have done so for two reasons one to meet their needs and another to hurt you, they do not care for the pain they cause you, they will however take it as one big ego stroke that your with someone new, they will believe it’s to get at them. This will only end up with you feeling less self-worth than you did to start.
10. Looking into their social media to see if you can pick them apart, if they’re not blocked you, they will post things they know will hurt you, acknowledge you want to look, then tell yourself not to as it will only end with you feeling worse.
The best revenge. Removing them from your life, no reactions, no interest, working on you. Heal those emotions of revenge and anger. When someone treats you badly, walked all over you and walks away from you, they are not for you.
The best revenge is your own personal success, learn to develop who you are and let go of the past, staying in the past, will hold you back and they will win, deal with your anger, hurt, pain and resentment and let it go, learn and deal with your vulnerabilities, and let go of any guilt, work on a new mindset thinking how you want to think and how you want to be.
The best revenge is learning who you are, creating new dreams and a new happy successful future for you, narcissists have high egos and feel superior, they hate that people can move on without them, this way you get revenge without doing anything wrong.
The best revenge is now realising its time to focus on you, to live how you want to live, to be kind to yourself before you are kind to others. Once you are kind to yourself, learn your boundaries, this means saying no and sticking to your no, if something doesn’t sit right with you it’s a no, be kind to yourself first, toxic people will walk away, good people will stay, surrounded yourself with positive happy people, that respect and understand your no, where you lift each other up.
The best revenge is simply cutting off your supply to them, no longer being any source to them in any way, shape or form.
Karma will hit, when it does you might have them completely removed from your life.
you might also be questioning karma within yourself. If you’ve healed so you’re no longer taking the blame, you might be thinking “What did I do to deserve this?” This is thinking about what goes around comes around, in this case, it’s simply not true, no one does anything to deserve this.
Often it’s not a lesson for ourselves to heal old wounds, our actions do have consequences, not our actions for abuse, that’s just not acceptable no matter what, you have every right to be assertive, be who you want to be and be kind to others, so no you don’t deserve this treatment, yet not having boundaries or allowing our boundaries to be taken down to help others, is teaching us we must be kind on ourselves first, if we are not kind to ourselves first, others take advantage of our kind nature. We are allowed to be vulnerable and connect with others, we just need to learn the right people.
You might think. “I’ve been cheated on, yet I’ve always been faithful. How is this Karma?”
Or “I try to always tell the truth, why do I deserve to be lied to, how is this karma?”
Or. “I’ve never been punched how is karma working here for me?”
This isn’t negative karma, this is to show you, they are the wrong person for you, teach that you are strong, wise and powerful, that you can make change and good change within you and those around you, working on any past trauma, to change into who you want to be, to learn to grow and develop, to create new dreams and move onto a much happier life for you. Yes, you can and yes you will.
When you’re living in negativity, pain, emptiness, illusion, guilt and confusion, it seems to just keep coming.
Once you stop blaming yourself, take a look at the bigger picture, shifting away from that old mindset, however that mindset was created, healing old wounds and working on you, then you can start to shift into, joy, happiness, peace, inner truth and love, develop an understanding of behaviours you’ll no longer find acceptable from those around you, and surround yourself with good honest people just like you.
It’s time to connect with your inner self, always be kind and true to yourself first before you are to others.
How will karma get the narcissist, will they get the what goes around comes around the side of karma?
One of the narcissists greatest fears is being powerless, being rejected why you moving on is one of the best revenge, the fear not being loved, being unworthy and being abandoned.
To hide this, they place on that false mask to those around them, as deep down they are powerless without the control they have of those around them.
Their karma is a continuous cycle, of idolisation, devaluation, discard and hoover, as they don’t know their true selves, they can only temporary meet a need, it never lasts, they never truly connect with others or truly love on a deep level, ultimately their partners one by one work them out, escape them and go no contact, moving on with their own lives and this hurts the narcissist. Most often why when you do start to set boundaries, they up their games, or try to hoover, to suck you back in, when this doesn’t work they might have a new source, or find new, they might up their games.
in court cases, if you give them enough rope, most will hang themselves. With some you don’t even have to give them the rope and they hang themselves. Some you need evidence and lots of it.
No you never deserved any of you. Yes they are hideous, from now on cut off your supply to them, work on creating new dreams for you. You deserve happiness.
The best revenge is living well.