Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
The narcissists flying monkeys, the term comes from the film, wizard of oz.
Flying monkeys are people, who believe in the narcissists lies, believing their victim plays and often trying to help them, this is also you have to accept and overcome, if you’ve been around a narcissist, you’ve probably believed those lies yourself and tried to help them any way you can, please don’t judge the narcissist flying monkeys, just like we once didn’t know any better neither do they, as hard as it is, there is nothing you can do until they wake from their trance of the narcissist’s spell and hit the long road of recovery just like we had to.
The narcissist uses people in manipulative ways to carry out the narcissist’s hidden agenda. The flying monkeys will not know the full story, most of which will be lies the narcissist had told them, and the flying monkeys are trying to do the right thing by the narcissist as they will feel sorry for them, they will believe they are doing a great thing for the narcissist as the other person, will have been painted in a bad light to others. If not, it will be a self-defence mechanism as they live in fear of the narcissist and feel they ultimately have no choice but to do as the narcissist says, often fearing for their lives.
It’s is a manipulative abuse method, so the narcissist looks like it’s nothing to do with them, abuse by proxy.
The narcissist gets the flying monkeys to destroy others for them, so they themselves cannot be accountable.
Flying monkeys may have something to gain, without raising the full reality of the situation they are in.
Narcissistic people will love-bomb or idolise people in order to hook them in and gain their trust. Often also getting their insecurities and secrets out of them, to use against them in the future. They will find out who is important to you in order to work out ways of how to isolate you from them.
The flying monkeys can be, the narcissist partner, or partners if they have more than one, they will put people off against each other ever their own children, any family members, their friends or your friends and family, co-workers, even their children. My children are currently no contact with their narcissist parent, due to my son arriving home after a visit, informing me, that parent had told them, they don’t have to listen to what I say and to just pour boiling water over me. They have no empathy for others and do not care for who they use, or the effects it’ll have on those they use, to them it’ll always be someone else’s fault as to why the narcissist did what they did, or said what they said.
Narcissists will not tell the full story, and they will leave out key facts, in order to get others to listen to them, they will slowly plant seeds into peoples minds, allowing those seeds to grow, then when the narcissist believes they have, they will get the flying monkey to act for them, with whatever the narcissist wants doing.
The more the flying monkey listens to the narcissist, the more seeds are planted into their minds from the narcissist, most of which are lies, although there might be some truths that have just been exaggerated.
The narcissist will always act to others that they are just concerned, for themselves or others, or that they are. “Only joking.” and the flying monkey just took them to seriously, with children they often look up to parents for approval, so will often but not always act on what the parents feed their minds.
Or they will play victim to others in order to gain sympathy and help from those around them. No way will my ex-narcissist be telling others the real reason of why they can not see the children, it’ll be more of. “I’m bitter, I’m crazy, and I’m twisted.” As they said about the parent of their eldest to myself and others, and as one day they say about their current partner, unfortunately until you wake from the trance they put you in and get out, you believe them, and you just don’t see it, even when your instinct is trying to tell you something is off.
I’m currently trying to find a trained contact centre. Not for the narcissist, but so they boys can visit parent safely, although they are happier than they’ve been in a long time, with no mention of the other parent, but I understand they are just children who love both parents and a far too young to understand the reality of the situation.
Flying monkeys may help the narcissist spread gossip. Or create hostile environments for those the narcissist seeks to destroy.
The narcissist does not care for the dangerous situation they place the flying monkey or the target person in, so long as the narcissist achieves its goal of destroying others they feel have criticised them, or they feel they can no longer control.
With the narcissists smear campaigns, the targets can then become more and more isolated, from the help and support they need, and can not see a way out, putting them into victim mindset and having no one around them believing them, while the narcissist gets to carry on destroying them, why it’s vital we get more awareness out, so the target know they are not alone, that they can recover, and fight back with restraining orders and not reactions.
The narcissists flying monkeys will,
Intimidate, spread gossip, exclude, threaten, mock, physical harm, to the target, some flying monkeys will know what’s happening, but will not speak up, out of fear that they will become the next target.
When people that know the narcissist change towards you, unfortunately, you have to remove them from your life also as the narcissist is playing puppet master and controlling their mind.
No contact or grey rock with the narcissist, providing them with no information so they can not use information against you, don’t defend yourself to the flying monkeys the narcissist has already got In their minds, instead hold your head high, knowing it’s all lies and a revenge campaign, and become your happy self again, join support groups, it helps to have understood from those who have unfortunately been there or going through, similar experiences, if the flying monkeys want answers don’t defend yourself, the narcissist will have warned of this just tell them. “ It’s none of your business what others say or does behind your back, but always listen to you’re own instinct, even when your unsure as to what it’s telling you.” Eventually, narcissists, lies will catch up with them, or people start to gossip about someone else.
Be prepared, stay aware, keep yourself safe, happy and busy, keep going it gets easier.
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