Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
How do you get a narcissist to leave you alone?
1. No contact.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum, so with some, the only way is to go no contact, move miles away from them, change phone numbers, email addresses, social media accounts, be extremely careful what friends and family you tell, as some may be the narcissists enables.
2. No reaction.
Some narcissists are less extreme and extremely lazy, so after one or two attempts to get at you, with them getting nothing back from you, they will leave you alone.
3. No Reaction.
Some you can stay put and go no contact, blocking them and all their friends and family from social media, and your phone, email address. Even your eBay and YouTube as some have been known to try and contact through these platforms, and some have been known to transfer small amounts of cash into bank accounts along with some random message.
4. Level up / Grey Rock.
If you have children grey rock and level up. Or if it would mean cutting off good family members, again still block them and their flying monkeys on everything. And only leave online communication open, set up a separate email address, or have a cheap second phone with new sim / new number, that is only used for communication between the two of you, so you only look when needed and prepared and also so you can keep everything in writing for further evidence.
With grey rock, it’s.
- Limited communication.
- Business like responses.
- Need to know communication only.
- No reactions, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so.
- Be boring.
- Don’t ask about them, don’t tell about you.
- One word answers.
- Straight face.
- No emotion.
- Practice until you get it.
Feel free to let any emotions out when they are not around.
With level up,
- Limited contact.
- Compliment them when they are being helpful.
- Don’t say no just because they were awkward the week before. Only say no, if saying yes doesn’t work for you.
- Stick to your boundaries.
- Know who you are so well, and know about their disorder, so their toxic words no longer impact you.
- Observe don’t absorb.
- Be friendly ( not over helpful.) more be respectful when they are respectful of you.
- With some, not all you can kill them with kindness, so long as you’re not triggered when you do so.
- Use the term we or us in communication.
- Don’t point out their mistakes, and those are for them.
- When they do not compromise, let them know. “That’s for you, and you can keep your way. However mine is for me, so I’m keeping mine, we can either compromise or agree to disagree.”
- When they start twisting things back to grey Rock.
Going no contact or grey rock, unfortunately for the other people often leads the narcissist to get attention elsewhere, remember they like positive attention but negative attention will do.
Some narcissists can be extremely persistent when they chose to be and can harm your anxiety healing and recovery no end by turning up somewhere unexpected. If they do this get restraining orders, non-molestation orders and protection orders, may help, but some feel above these, reward their efforts of trying to get to you, by staying calm, not noticing them, no reaction and no emotion if they appear to chat to you, and your in public carry on doing whatever your doing, as soon as it’s safe to do so, call the police.
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