Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
How to work out, if you need to get out, or stay out of an abusive relationship be it a parent, friend, partner, boss or family member and start working on you and your life
If you are still in an abusive relationship right now, or around people who just bring you down, or thinking about giving it another go, you need to ask yourself two questions and answer them honestly.
What is the cost to me of staying or going back to this relationship?
What do I gain from this relationship, what would I gain going back?
Every relationship has a cost, but a normal relationship is about take and give, give something to someone else and receive something back, in normal relationships you don’t take, just to receive, no good deed is done without some reward, even if you weren’t expecting a reward, sometimes you’ll be giving 100%, and sometimes you’ll be taking 100%. Some times it’s 50/50 or 80/20, then it might be 20/80 depending on who’s in need at any given time. That’s real relationships. Helping each other out depending on who needs the help and support, not one dragging one down. If you have to work at a relationship that’s ok that’s normal, if you have to make some sacrifices to help each other out, that’s real relationships.
So if your giving it your all and only receiving when they want something from you, not just because it’s the right thing to do, if you are surrounded with put-downs? negativity? Cannot do right for doing wrong? Are you always living on the edge? Are you walking on eggshells? Doing everything you can to change yourself to meet their demands and their needs and still feel like you’re not measuring up? If you are now reacting to defend yourself and they always blame you? If you have to lose who you are? No longer allowed to do the things you enjoy doing? If you have to conform to them to have a peaceful life? And it’s still wrong? Then the cost of that relationship is you.
If you’re leaving this is when you need a plan of action if it’s a partner. The start of getting out, is taking those steps to plan a safe exit, as leaving is the most dangerous time, people do get out safely, and your safety is paramount, you never know to what extent an abusive person will go to, most will not do anything other than the smear campaigns, even so, you need to start putting yourself and your needs first, you do not owe an abusive person an apology or an explanation, you’ve been doing this your entire relationship, and all that does is sink you, you owe yourself the best chance of a safe exit and a fresh start to a happier life.
So if all they do is cycle around to bring you down and hurt your feelings, then it’s time to let go, no matter how hard it is, and make no mistake it will be hard, in the long run it will be worth it. If you find yourself constantly questioning what you have done wrong, what you could do better, while they continue to let you down, break promises, lie and cheat on you, you can spend your entire life in pain within that relationship, or you can face the short term pain of breaking free now, today, some times we have to face the pain of today to create a happier tomorrow, it will be totally worth it.
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