Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A narcissistic person is extremely hard to spot, when you don’t know what one is, by the time you start to think, they’re not quite who you thought they were, they interpret things differently, don’t seem to think the same way they used to, and they seem to not be taking any form of responsibility, your that head over heels in love with them, your head and heart wants to believe that person you met, stood in-font of you is real, your instinct is screaming at you, but because you can not work out just what it is it’s trying to tell you, and with all the help of the narcissist word salad and manipulation you keep pushing that instinct back down.
Or perhaps one or both of your parents were narcissistic, so you learned through childhood, to accept behaviour you should have never accepted, you might not have liked how you were being treated, yet as you didn’t know any better these were the very people teaching you, you couldn’t work out what was actually going on, some narcissistic parents are extremely hurtful, yet as a young child you had no one to turn to, your parents instilled so much fear and self-doubt into you, that you were far to afraid to speak up, or didn’t think anyone would believe you, when it’s only mind games it’s even more confusing for a young child to try and explain, when the very people in the world that are supposed to protect you are harming you, it becomes increasingly difficult to trust other adults.
They are so busy pushing, their opinions onto you, making you feel responsible for everything that’s wrong within the relationship. They have a sense of entitlement and superiority, they go around exploiting you, yet they are making out you are being too controlling, you’re being manipulative, your not behaving, it’s all your fault, that things that didn’t happen did, and that things that did happen didn’t, telling you that you’re mistaken, your confused and your memory is going. All that gaslighting just messes with your mindset and your heart.
Once you know who they are, all the games they play, tactics they use, and you’re trying to co-parent or trying to keep relationships with other family members so you can not cut them out, it can be draining and simply exacerbating. Sometimes when the word salad and lies are flowing out of their mouths, or you get messages of. “That’s just like you.” As you’ve given up on them and taken back control of your life and they don’t like it. Or “you’re crazy.” And the “you’ve caused this.” Do you ever want to slap them? Shake them? Tell them to wake up and smell the dirt that’s freely flowing from their mouths, as you can clearly see the lies, you can also see they actually believe themselves.
They just have a completely different view of reality to those around them and an inability to receive any input from others.
How great would it be if you could flick a switch on them, so they could wake up and see reality, from what I’ve looked into this is never going to happen as they simply can not see themselves as a problem to change, people have to recognise their own mistakes in order to change them, those who know what they have the inability to change, they have a disorder, it’s who they are, they can not take the disorder out, they could learn ways to manage it, however as they are unable and unwilling to see themselves as the problem, they are unable to do so, any change in behaviour is temporary to suit their own needs, they are who they are.
So if you read some information written by those narcissistic people who know what they are, here’s what’s really going on inside of the narcissists’ mind. Most will never admit this. They have blocked the truth out, and they believe in their own lies. They seem to be extremely immature emotionally. Somewhere along the way, they don’t seem to develop empathy. So you’d not hear this from a narcissist person, this is my opinion on what I believe they would say if they could.
I learned as a child, if I’m stubborn or throw a fit, everyone backs down and I get my needs met, I was powerful and in control then and I am now, my anger and rage will my you conform and give in to meet my needs only.
If you try to reason with me, it’ll never haven, that part of me never developed past toddlerhood, therefore I will tantrum any way I can to get my needs met, it worked then and it’ll work now.
Lying is first to me, always worked as a child, honesty gets fools into trouble, lies keep you safe. It’s all your fault I had to lie “ you can not handle the truth.”
I’ve already told all friends and family just how horrible you truly are.
If I promise something it was only to shut you up, I never meant it, therefore “I didn’t say that you’re making stuff up.”
If you ever have evidence about me, you’ve truly gone too far, you’ve turned against me, therefore, I will find any way I can to make sure you are in the wrong. As you are in the wrong, you will have made me do it in the first place, as you didn’t tend to me correctly.
I don’t trust myself and that’s why I don’t trust you, I believe all people are just out to get me, because I’m better than them, so I have to move onto others. As you don’t truly care about me.
I will never be interested in others, as I’m just after something, I’ll always stay one step ahead of the game as I understand that you also must just be after something and I’m not going to allow you to take advantage of me, I know this to be true as that’s what I’m doing to you.
I like you feeling weak, as I’m powerful and winning the game.
I love arguing, seeing your powerless confused face, as I take further control over you.
I do not need help, I’m perfect, I don’t make mistakes only other do, as they’re not as wise as me, you made the mistake and then dared to blame me for your own faults.
I have paranoia, all others are not to be treated, I know how I use people, so that must be how all others treat me.
I need to protect myself from others, so I don’t have the empathy to protect you.
I am powerful and I’m in control always, this keeps all my insecurities from rising and allowing myself or others from seeing them.
Things that have strings attached, where I have to work to help please others without any form of reward feels strange to me, far too conditional.
Love others, I’m incapable as I don’t understand the true meaning to love my self as I’m all about the acting. You can not love those who are not real, I’m not real so therefore you can not be either.
I will reject you and others before you can reject me, as I live in fear of rejection.
If you criticise me, depending on the criticism you will be punished, how dare you, I’m far better than you, if I have to leave it’s because you made me by not meeting my needs, therefore I will need to extract revenge on you, for taking my rights away from me, no one is allowed to do that to me.
You ignore me, impossible I’ve done no wrong, you’re just trying to contact and hurt me because you’re crazy jealous that you can never be as wise as I’m am.
How dare you keep the children from me, they belong to me not you, Made them, you either gave me sperm, or you were my capsule, my incubator, those children are here to serve me.
No one is as wise or great as I am, most work to harm me because they are envious that I’m so much better than them, as I know how to play the game. Therefore I do not have to respect you as you’re beneath me.
When I move on to someone new, because you could not meet my needs, I’ll make sure everyone knows it’s all your fault and just how much I did to help you.
I have life worked out I’m smarter than the rest of you, therefore all your opinions are null and void.
I had to go elsewhere as you’d gone crazy on me and would no longer serve me correctly.
I had to come back, you seemed like a normal person again, I was mistaken, you are still crazy so I had to leave again.
You are the problem, I’m perfect I know my stuff, I’m not to blame for your selfishness.
I am the victim, others just want to hurt me because they’ll never be me.
With their inability to care and have empathy towards others they just can not love on a deep level, they can not truly connect to others.
As they live and think as they do, they have their own perceptions only and don’t see others, so they feel like others are trying to get on over on them, they must get in their first.
With their inability to reflect on what they might have done wrong once their mind is made you, it made up.
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