The Narcissists Discard. (Understanding Narcissism.)

With a narcissist, the discard is often only temporary. On their part, I often wonder if the term should be disengagement, as unless you take action, they’ll usually come back around for the hoover, or the re-idealisation stage, be it, days. Weeks, months or years later, unless you block their path.

Most narcissists are creatures of habit, circling around their patterns of behaviour, never learning from past mistakes to make the changes they need to create a more fulfilling life. Once you learn these patterns of behaviour, you’ll become a lot wiser to their games. If you’ve still got to be in contact with them because of work, or children, you’ll learn with no reaction from you what they might try next.

These are some of the ways they will end a relationship with you. They may vary from ex to ex, or you may have experienced a few.

1. The disappearing act, the silent treatment ending.

Possibly one of their favourites, one minute they are there the next they vanish, like vampires when the sun comes up, for lots of reasons, you’re in a relationship then poof they are gone. You might not have been going through any difficulties at that time, yet they’ve gone, you might have sent countless messages and called loads, got in touch with friends and family, yet you just can not get hold of them. Then you learn they’ve been spotted with someone else. It’s not because they couldn’t tell you in person, they just want the new person, they’re enjoying your the attention of your attempts to get in touch with them. By not telling you, they want to make you feel, anger, annoyed, hurt, confused, resentment, and so many more.

2. They might give you the one that leaves the door open for them to come back, leaving you hurt and confused and changing who you are, so they can come back, they’ll say things like. “I need some space.” “ I don’t know what I want at the moment.” It makes them seem like they need help and are troubled, so draws out your sympathy. It leaves you confused. You don’t move on as you have hope they will come back.

3. The one where they give you flattery. “you’ve been too good to me. I can not handle it, and I need some space.” “ you’ve treated me better than most, and I need some space to work things out.” “ you’re amazing in so many ways, I love you, but I’m not sure I’m In love with you.” This leaves you with self-doubt yet, you believe they are a genuine person, you don’t move on as you think they care, this method again leaves you with hope, they’ll return, making the hoover far easier for the narcissist.

4. They might tell you. “I’m not good enough for you.” Or “ this isn’t working; you should end it.” “ I think this relationship has taken its course, and I don’t treat you right. We should end this.” This is as fake and as manipulative as anything else the narcissist ever does, and this is to get you scared the relationship is over, so you work harder in all that you do to keep them happy. This method Leaves you blaming yourself, looking past their abusive behaviour, upset and concerned, so they have greater control. If you do end it, they have someone waiting.

5. They may tell you it’s over and why. Usually things like. “You’ve put weight on. You don’t look after me.” “You don’t put any effort into the relationship anymore.” “ I do everything for you, and you do nothing for me.” “ You dress horribly.” “ You are a mess.” None of which is true. It’s just to make you feel upset, angry and hurt. So your confidence is undermined.

You were never the problem, you are worthy, they are so damaged on the inside they have to bring others down, you can not help them, they have a disorder, the narcissistic personality disorder, you did not cause it, you can not change it, and you can not control it. You can, however, help you.

After the end, if you start to make changes for yourself, they’ll believe it’s for them feel powerful and come in for the hoover.

If they have discarded you, it can be devastating. Learning about the disorder helps give you closure and the answers to your whys? Also, working on you and creating a new happy life for you at the same time. You can, and you will.

The narcissists discard.

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The narcissists counter-parenting.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The trauma bond.

The stages they take partners through.

No contact, grey rock.

4 thoughts on “The Narcissists Discard. (Understanding Narcissism.)

  1. How can you tell if a person is a narcissist, without a clinical diagnosis?? How can you tell if your child is one?? How can you help them??

    1. Hello, unfortunately, most will play the game and are extremely difficult to diagnose even if you can get them there. If they lack empathy, manipulate, lie, are abusive, narcissistic or not it’s a case of safely getting away from them. Unfortunately, no psychologist had found a way to help them. Research suggests even those who get counselling only do so to meet a need, once met they revert back to their old way as they don’t believe they have a problem.

    2. As for children, most toddlers act narcissistic, it is normal, same as some teenagers, again mostly normal and a part of growing up. All you can do is teach them to put themselves in another shoes and how would they feel etc, fill them with positivity and teach empathy.

  2. I have recently gone no contact with my ex friend and neighbour. Today I returned an item she dumped on me to store for her, I put her keys through her door with a note, it wasn’t easy, I filmed putting the keys back, and photographed the returned item in her garden (as she may try to say I hadn’t) I have had a positive Occupational Health appointment today, to help me return to work, I will be referred to a psychiatrist who can diagnose and help me with my Complex PTSD – with the help of Elizabeth Shaw I am moving forward, I feel better and hope to return to work in a couple of weeks. When someone is able to get into your head, your heart, and inflict so much damage you wonder if you will ever recover. It hurts even more when it was your own mother, the person who is supposed to be there for you unconditionally. The neighbour used all of my past Narc damage and pain to try and disable and disarm me, I was suicidal yet still she seemed to enjoy it, watching her victim flailing about, like a vulture she hovered for the kill….. but thanks to ES I came to my senses… and I am here to prove that she, nor any of the other Narcs I have had to encounter in my life have succeeded. I feel like my life is starting all over again, now I set boundaries, now I know I deserve more and now I know I will never suffer this horrific abuse again… Thank you for reading

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