A few ways to recover from trauma bonding, recovery from the addiction from narcissistic abuse is like weaning yourself off a drug. You will go through withdrawals, you know they are destroying you, you know you’re better off without them. Yet, it doesn’t feel that way to start, You know you need to stay out, but it’s so hard.
When you think about the narcissist, you hope they’ll change to who you first met. Or when they are treating you right. Then when they come for the hoover, they’ll convince you that they have changed. Then you end up going back, to cycle back around to the end of the relationship again.
If at all possible get as far away as you possibly can, do not let them know where you are, no contact what so ever, grey rock if you have children, build and stick with solid boundaries, only communicate about the children when you have to, say your point once and only once, then leave it, no matter what they send your way. Do not let your boundaries slip as you’ll just allow them to manipulate you further, you’ve probably done this a few times if you’re doing grey rock, don’t worry about it, we’ve all been there, and we’ve all let them slip, it is incredibly hard to treat someone that way, just keep going until it sticks, you’ll soon realise you’re doing it for the right reasons, and it helps so much.
They can not control getting no response from you.
Get rid of photos, clothing, anything they gave you or that they left behind, lose the memories of visual reminders.
Keep any messages or emails you might need as evidence if they take you to court over children.
Every time you think they’ve changed, every time you think of going back. Stop and Visualise reality, strip them of their attention-seeking, admiration face, when they play nice in your mind, and put the reality in. So your conscious knows exactly who they are, remind yourself that even when it was good, to the narcissist, it was a lie. It was all fake.
Write down those bad times and read them when you think about going back. Remember a mistake is a mistake. Patterns of behaviour are who they indeed are.
When they come around to pick the children up, acting all nice and normal, do not fall for it, they’re just buttering up the toast, ready to eat, they are just drip-feeding you ready to hoover and hook you back in, remember who they indeed are and how many times they’ve done this in the past. To the narcissist, it’s all a game, remember all those good time you had were an illusion made by the narcissist, all that hurt and pain you felt was real.
Every time you think you’re falling for it, give yourself a reality check and remember the truth.
Reconnection with yourself and life, get to know yourself again, what you enjoy doing. Find what gives your life meaning, find new hobbies. Talk to yourself positivity, get exercise, in whatever form of exercise you enjoy, find and make friends who, pick you up, go for a walk soak up the sights, take photos, enjoy nature. Enjoy your life. Try something new. Love yourself again.
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