How does a narcissist react when you are no longer willing to play their games? When it’s game over for a narcissist.
What happens when a narcissistic person realises it’s game over with you when they cannot manipulate you, exploit you, to get what they want from you and get their needs met by you? Usually, a narcissist will double down on their behaviour and go all out to manipulate and exploit you all the more to get what they want from you.
More often than not, if a narcissist has a new source of supply lined up, they’ll up and leave you and disappear off to the new supply. If a narcissistic person hasn’t got a new source of supply lined up, they will go all out to love bomb you, to romance you, so you begin to romanticise about how good life could be with them, start to believe in the illusion they’re selling you, and believe things will be better than they are, they might flattery you, offer that insincere praise, buy you excessive gifts, or offer to take you on extravagant trips, to sweep you off your feet, the narcissist is going all out to play nice, to get their needs met by you.
If the narcissist’s love bombing doesn’t work, the narcissist might then try to provoke feelings of guilt within you, to guilt trip you, so you feel remorseful, feeling like you need to up your games and be nicer to them, the covert narcissists might say “I knew you’d leave me like the rest.” or “I thought you of all people understood me.” To get you to explain yourself to them, and whatever you explain to them, they will take offence to and play the victim. To get what they want from you.
When guilt-tripping, the narcissist could suddenly really need you. They might need your support with something or need your advice about something. They just can’t do it without you, as you have empathy and object constancy, which means you care about them even when there is conflict, disagreements or distance. You naturally want to go help and support them, not realising they’re using your caring nature against you.
If needing your help doesn’t get your attention, the narcissist might have a sudden life crisis or emergency where the narcissist so desperately needs you. This naturally pulls on your desire to help others. When this happens, what you must remember is, if you were going through that emergency or crisis, would the narcissist genuinely be there for you? If they wouldn’t, unless they needed something from you, then you don’t need to go running to them. You can inform their friends and family that they need help and support, then leave them to it.
If the fake emergency doesn’t work, the narcissist might suddenly develop a terminal illness, as it’s challenging for genuine people to walk away from those with a terminal illness. However, with a narcissistic person, if you stick around, you’ll often find they didn’t even have the illness. They’re just playing on it to get you back into their games.
A narcissist might try the false promises of change. When someone promises to change and fails to do so, every time you give them another chance, they don’t change. They’re just going to change their lies to draw you back into their games, and once they’ve got you where they want you, the narcissist will change back into the person you were trying to get away from. Narcissists are more than capable of changing temporarily to a false persona to give you false hope of something that will never be.
If the false promises don’t work, they might offer a false apology, which is as insincere as the narcissist. “I’m sorry, you know what I’m like.” “I’m sorry, but if you didn’t.” “I’m sorry you misunderstood me.” As the narcissist shifts the blame over to you, as they’re unwilling to take responsibility for the things they do to you, the narcissist is just looking to get one over on you to exploit you by appearing sorry to deceive you. They’re not remorseful. Narcissists lack empathy.
The narcissist then might have some form of self-improvement. They might start working out, get that job they promised to get, start helping out, start doing all the things they said they’d do but failed to deliver on and blamed you as to why they didn’t deliver, yet as soon as you take them back, they quit the job, stop helping, and blame you, as the narcissist changes temporarily to give you that false hope, to deceive you, so they can get their needs met by you.
The narcissist could pretend to end it with you, when they say, “things aren’t working out. We should break you.” if you agree with them and they’ve not got a new supply source lined up, the narcissist will be offended that you agreed and play the victim with. “I thought you cared.” “you really want to end it over something so silly.” to blame, guilt, shame and play the victim with you. As the narcissist was hoping that by them ending it with you, you’d beg and plead for them to stay, apologise and make it up to them out of the fear they’re trying to provoke within you that you might lose them.
The narcissist could then seek to punish you, for daring to stand up to them, they could go all out to find a new source of supply, to feed the narcissist’s ego, that they weren’t the problem and to gain attention from someone new, once the narcissist has secured a new source off supply, they might go all out to provoke you, to bait you, to provoke that reaction from you, they might flaunt this new supply in front of you to punish you, or try to get a rise out of you, often delivering to the new everything they once promised you, to cause that resentment within you, to gain a reaction from you, so the narcissist can claim your are jealous, the narcissist might disappear on you, ghost you, so you’re naturally concerned as you care, you might chase them, their friends and family, to ask if the narcissist is ok, to which the narcissist will claim in their smear campaign against you, that you’re obsessed with them, triangulating you, making themselves feel special and important to you, and the new. The narcissist might keep a hold of your sentimental items, so you go chasing them, and it looks to those who don’t know the whole story like you’re obsessed with the narcissist. If you have children, the narcissist will let those children down, so when you naturally become reactive because you care for your children’s feelings, the narcissist will claim you’re the crazy one, the bitter one, who’ll not let them see the very children they’re failing to turn up to see, so the narcissist gains all the sympathetic attention, while shaming you for their failure to take responsibility. To the outside world, the reality the narcissist is creating matches the stories they’re telling. The narcissist is going all out to gaslight your reality and the reality of those around you. So the people the narcissist is love bombing and treating so well don’t recognise what the narcissist did to you until it’s done to them.
Narcissists go all out to shift the blame and make others feel responsible for everything they do wrong. Narcissists go all out to claim you were the problem to all those who’ll listen; everything they did to you, the narcissist will claim you did to them, to smear your name, so the narcissist can gather an army of enablers and flying monkeys to their side, all while isolating you, some narcissists will try to turn your friends and family against you, to further isolate you from support, and then the narcissist could just fall silent on you, when the narcissist falls silent on you, as difficult as it is, as you’d like honesty, openness and communication, your best approach is to remain silent towards then. Leave the narcissist to it. as a narcissistic person will, more often than not, think you’re playing games, and you need to come to your senses. You’re the one who needs to chase them. You’re the one who should make it up to them.
When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, when they realise it’s game over, and by it being game over, when the narcissist is no longer getting the supply of the attention they need from you, no longer getting your emotions, no longer getting your financial resources, no longer getting the reactions from you, no longer getting their needs met by you, that’s when to a narcissist they feel like it’s game over, they take it as criticism and become offended by you, no one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who feels like they’re losing control over someone else mind, and when a narcissist is losing control, they cycle through so many emotional manipulative games so that they can regain control over you. If they can’t regain control over you, they’re going to go all out to regain control over the situation and control what others think of you. So the narcissist can regain control of the situation so that they can remain superior. A narcissist will either go all out to play the hero of how much they try to help you or the victim of how cruel you were to them.
When it comes to a narcissist, it’s emotional and psychological warfare, and it’s the gameplay, the best way to protect yourself is by going no contact and leaving them to it. Go and live your life. While they go live theirs.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.