Rule 8, Never Trust A Narcissistic Person.
Narcissists lull you into that false sense of security, they will seduce you into trusting them, to leave you feeling frustrated, angry, irritated, annoyed and confused. Every time you think you can trust them, they’ll use that trust to exploit you, every time you think you can be kind to them, they’ll take advantage of your kindness, every time you think you can compromise with them, they will take advantage of your capabilities to compromise with them, every time you try to forgive them they’ll take advantage of your forgiveness. When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, give them an inch and they will take a mile.
When you enter the water with sharks, if you’re unaware that sharks are in the water, you might go out for a swim, yet once you realise the sharks are in, you get the hell out of that water, and you stay out.
When a narcissistic person, breaks a promise, breaks your trust, breaks an arrangement, a commitment, or an agreement, that is our warning that this person might not be the most reliable of people, might not be the most trustworthy of people. It’s fine to recognise we’re entering the danger zone, like when there could be sharks in the water, although it seems there aren’t any today, once one is spotted the beach is closed for safety. However, if we give a narcissist a chance, just like if we enter that water with sharks in there is a good chance we could get bitten, so if we give them a chance we need to be prepared that they might let us down again, and if they do that’s our lesson that it’s who they are as a person. If you choose to give them another chance, which is very easy to do with manipulative people, because they twist the situation to their advantage, just like those sharks who lay just under the surface, so you don’t see them coming, once we see the shark we try to get out of the water, once we see the narcissists games, once we recognise them, once we see who they are and what they do, we need to then learn to step away and not give them a third chance because if we give them a third chance, they are going to take advantage of our kindness, they’re going to take advantage of our forgiveness and then we’re going to be frustrated, hurt, annoyed, irritated, numb, feel dumb, anxious or angry, and the narcissist feels smug.
Never trust a narcissist as they will exploit your trusting nature. They will exploit your kindness, your compassion and your forgiveness.
It gets tricky with narcissistic types, as when you step away from them, they’re going to go all out to guilt trip you into feeling like you’re the one with the problem, feeling like you’re the one whose bitter, you’re the one whose jealous, hung up on your past, being awkward, selfish or stubborn, you’re the one who is holding grudges, so they can manipulate your emotions to work in their favour or get others to judge your motives and not their behaviour.
Narcissists aren’t honest people, they will make a false promise, they’ll future fake with you, they’ll offer you something in the future to get their needs met in the present, or to distract you from what they’ve done to you, by getting you to focus on a future event to give you that false hope, and when the future hits, they’ll fail to deliver, claim “I never said that.” or because you did this, they’ll no longer do that. They turn it into being your fault as to why they failed to deliver. When you first meet people, take things slow, get to know them for who they are, and not who they sell themselves to be. When they’ve already broken numerous promises on you, at some point you learn to never trust them again.
You’re going to develop trust issues around those with lying issues.
A narcissist might try something, you say no, and they could reappear three years later to try again. A narcissist where you can not go no contact with might come back years later asking you for something, as it’s been a while since you last saw them, you might be willing to help. As with genuine people you can compromise, however when dealing with narcissistic people, it’s always going to benefit them, they’ve always got that underhand game going on that you know nothing about, so even when three, five, ten years pass, do not agree to a narcissist’s false promise, because they’re playing a game. Narcissists are dishonest, they only make a promise to you, in order to gain something from you.
You should never trust a narcissist who is coming with a compromise as it’s usually a false compromise they might compromise now and again to give you that false sense of security, so when they get you with the big things, you compromise with them, only for them to take advantage of you.
Narcissistic people are not sincere people, you can not compromise with the insincere, they will take advantage of your ability to compromise, they will take advantage of your agreeableness, and they will take advantage of your willingness to communicate with them, narcissists offer that false compromises to get what they want from you, and once they’ve got what they wanted from you they will change the game on you, it’s all well and good compromising with genuine people. However when somebody goes back on their word, that’s our warning, when they go back on their word again, that’s our lesson that it’s who they are as a person, and if we give them another chance they will take advantage. Narcissists are incredibly exploitative people and they feel entitled to exploit you, and they lack empathy to care for how their behaviour affects you, they tend to have the empathy to manipulate your emotions to work in their favour.
Never compromise who you are as a person for somebody who will not compromise with you.
Never trust what a narcissistic person says about another person, narcissistic people go all out to slander those around them, untrustworthy people, narcissistic people are not a reliable source of information, especially if you can not get the full story, if the narcissist is warning you to not speak to those people that they’re talking so poorly of, so that you can not get the full story, both perspectives, to draw your own conclusion, especially if the narcissist isn’t giving you both points of view, if the narcissist doesn’t take any responsibility for the part they played, instead they lay all the blame at the other parties door. Some narcissists might be honest about the things they’ve done, yet claim they’re a changed person. “Yes I’ve cheated in my past, I’ve got that out of my system, I’ve matured, and I’m ready to settle down with you.” If someone is a changed person, take it slow and make sure they’ve changed. Narcissistic people will come back to you after cheating on you, claiming they’ve seen the light, they’ve changed, remember the more you forgive a narcissist the worse their behaviour gets. Never trust a narcissist, when they claim they’ve changed when you’ve forgiven them in the past, they just learn how to get away with it and they do it time and time again, as soon as they’ve got what they want from you they revert back into who they are. Narcissists change on a temporary basis to meet a need of their own. While they get their needs met, they don’t learn to change permanently.
Narcissistic people slander people, they discredit people’s character and ruin people’s reputation, they gossip about others, as the narcissist doesn’t want to be held accountable for their own behaviour, they don’t believe they’re responsible for their toxic behaviour, why they shift the blame, and they’re going to go all out to avoid consequences for their actions, to avoid disciplinary action for their behaviour, and one sure way a narcissist does this is by passing the blame onto someone else, by smearing another person, narcissistic people are never to be trusted, they’re not reliable sources of information, if you’ve been there in the past, and they’re smearing someone else’s name, they’ve already done it in the past, they’ve already lied in the past it’s who they are.
Never trust a narcissist’s apology, not all narcissists apologise and those who do it’s a false apology, to get what they want from you, and usually done in a method to blame you, narcissistic people don’t recognise what they did, instead they blame someone else, they don’t want to be held responsible, they’re not remorseful they lack the empathy, and they don’t want to repair the damage, therefore if they believe they can get what they want by offering a false apology, they’re going to turn around and say, “I’m sorry but if they didn’t.” “I’m sorry but if you hadn’t.” “I’m sorry if.” “I’m sorry you didn’t pay me more attention.” “I’m sorry I thought we were a team, what’s yours is mine.” They’re always going to look for a way to twist it to make you the one who ends up feeling bad and making it up to them, for the things they’re doing to you. False apologies are done simply to avoid consequences for their actions. Just because someone is open about their past mistreatment of others, doesn’t mean they’re a trustworthy person, it makes them a person who is happy to gloat about how they’ve hurt others. We can often mistake what they are saying. “Yes In my past, I did this.” to being honest and think we all have a past, we should give them the benefit of doubt, narcissistic people rely upon you giving them the benefit of doubt. Yes, we’re all capable of making mistakes, with narcissistic individuals this is a ploy to exploit you, to get that leverage where they can influence you into trusting within them and you can never trust a narcissistic person. When meeting new people, take it slow, and get to know them for who they are, not who they sell themselves to be, if someone has made a mistake, and says yes I did this, and they’ve never done it again, they show genuine remorse, then they might have made an error in judgement, when it’s a repeat pattern of behaviour, it’s who they are, they are as a person, they’re not going to change for you, they will claim they will change for you, and when someone claims they’ll change for you, don’t trust them, because people have to be willing to change for themselves, not for other people. We can all use other people as leverage as our reason to want to change, however, we have to have the capability to change for ourselves, which narcissistic people lack because they don’t see themselves as the problem and believe everyone else should change.
Narcissists are not reliable people, they’re some of the most inconsistent people you could ever meet, and you shouldn’t trust inconsistent people, as you’re never going to know where you stand with them, narcissists tend to lack the empathy to care about others, they have a complete disregard for other people’s boundaries, they see other people’s beliefs and values as a challenge, they have no respect for others people’s values, they’re incredibly disrespectful people, they do not compromise, they only offer that false compromises, false promises, to get their needs met, once their needs have been met, they’ll go all out to frustrate you, to blame you as to why they didn’t hold up to their end of the deal. When they don’t hold up to their end of the deal that is on them not you. Your holding to your word is on you. So don’t compromise with those, who are going to blame you for why they backed out of the deal.
Avoid those who make you feel responsible for everything they do wrong.
Narcissistic people tend to expect eternal gratitude for the things they do for you, they will constantly guilt trip you “after all I’ve done for you, to get their needs met by you.
Narcissists believe they’re always right, your opinion has got to match theirs if it doesn’t you’re wrong, and they’re either going to go all out to embarrass or humiliate you, or they’ll pity play with those, “you never take my side.” “You never agree with me.” They might devalue you, insult you, or intimidate you, narcissistic people always have to be right, they only want to see their points of view, yours are irrelevant to them. Once a narcissist has made their mind up, they made their mind up, and they lack the cognitive reflection skills to go back and check what happened, they’ve created their reality and that reality to them is a fact. Narcissistic people are very untrustworthy people, they tend to just go around gossiping about all others, usually because they’re envious of others, fear exposure by others, or they’re wanting to destroy others, if someone makes a mistake a narcissist will latch onto this and tell as many people as they can, to pull them down to feel better about themselves.
When it comes to narcissistic people, recognise that you can never trust them, as soon as you try to trust them, they will break this trust and blame you for having trust issues, to escape taking responsibility for the things they’re doing to you, once you recognise a narcissist never trust them again, as once you catch a narcissist lying to you, they’ll never trust you again.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
