When you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse, it can feel like the whole world is against you, crippling anxiety, continually fighting that civil war that’s going off in your own mind, knowing there has to be more than this, but not knowing what or how to achieve more. Every time you think you’ve worked it out, the relationship is going well, the narcissist is allowing you to come up for air, just to sink you further under, leaving you with more self-doubt, more stress, trying to figure it all out, whilst the narcissist keeps changing the game on you, one minute they can treat you better than anyone ever has. You feel safe and loved. The next, they treat you worse, and you feel scared and full of fear. Fear of the narcissist, fear of doing the right or wrong thing, fear of judgment from others, fear of what will happen if you stay and fear of what will happen if you do leave.
Then one day, something hits, and it hits hard, either they leave you for the first time or the 20th time, or you finally leave them for the last time, yet they still will not leave you alone, worse when you’re trying to get help for you and your children, they still come at you with their twisted games.
When you’re trying to reach out to others, you fear their reactions, trying to get help, and you see the looks on their faces as they just don’t understand, and you’re left with more self-doubt.
You can not get out of bed, or you’re dragging yourself out of bed. You’re clinging on to life and finding the simple things like showering or brushing your teeth extremely draining, left not only with anxiety, adrenaline fatigue and health problems.
When it feels like the whole world is against you, not sure, who to turn to, feeling like you’ve lost your mind, are in financial difficulty and possibly losing your home, whilst the narcissists are still using all your weaknesses against you.
The harder life gets, the more power you have to find, the tougher life gets, the more strength you find. When you have to get out of bed kicking and screaming, you get up and do it anyway.
You have the power to overcome narcissist abuse. You have the determination to overcome narcissist abuse. You have the strength to overcome narcissist abuse. You have the fight in you. Keep fighting the fight.
You May have all the above. You might be addicted to the narcissist through trauma bond. You might have CPTSD. Depression, anxiety, you will also be addicted through your subconscious human needs.
Take those steps to recover from anxiety. Take those baby steps to heal, grieve and heal. Take those each and every moment of each and every day.
Another way to heal through your human needs.
If you’ve read the other human needs post, you’ll know if not a quick recap. Once you meet three of your human needs, you become addicted, and you can meet them negatively, neutrally or positively. So now is the time to meet them positively and help you break free from the narcissist Abuse and stop attracting narcissistic people, or even if you attract a couple, walk away straight away.
The need for Certainty to feel safe and secure, ways to refill it positive.
- Set yourself small tasks at first, and make sure you complete each one.
- Start new routines, either a 10 minute one in the morning or evening, then slowly add more each day.
- Eating healthy, start small, baby steps, exercise, meditation or yoga.
- Set small achievable goals to start. It’ll give you the self-belief, confidence and drive to keep going.
- Start an online course, college or uni, read books that fill you with knowledge.
- Have a backup plan for different outcomes.
- Set a time for yourself, if that’s getting up earlier or however you can give yourself some time to relax each day.
- Join support groups reconnect with friends and family.
The need for Uncertainty, feeling different, challenged, change, surprises. You might be filling the need heavily a little too heavy at the start, how to fill it positively.
- Read new books, learn something different.
- Step out of your comfort zone, start smiling at others, walk a little further, order something difficult, try a new meal, try a new restaurant.
- Take a risk on something that could turn out positive.
- Travel somewhere new.
The need for love and connection. The need to feel togetherness, compassion and warmth.
- Becoming none judgmental of yourself.
- Learning to be who you are and love who you are.
- Learning to trust and tune into your instincts.
- Being kind and helpful to others.
- Not judging others.
- Reading with your children.
- Support groups who are positive and understanding.
- Being supportive of others and none judged of others.
- Helping others out.
- Letting that car pull out in front.
- Opening or holding a door for a stranger or someone you know.
- Doing something kind for someone else that no one knows about.
The need for significance. To feel important, needed, special, unique.
- Finding the meaning of life.
- Providing for others the best you can.
- Helping others out, giving back,
- Making contributions to others.
- Giving to charity.
- Support others.
- Helping out at school or with charity,
- Become a better version of yourself.
- The way you dress.
The need for contribution. Giving, leaving a mark, helping, serving, contributing to others.
- Contributing beyond yourself.
- Serving others at work.
- Helping others online offering support.
- Doing good deeds for others.
- Brightening someone’s day with a smile or a joke.
- Looking after your children.
The need for Growth. Developing, strengthening, learning.
- Reading books.
- Listening to motivational videos.
- Learning about narcissism and how to handle them.
- Having a career change.
- Starting a new job.
- Becoming a better person.
- Working out.
- Learning new things.
There are plenty of positive ways to fulfil your human needs in positivity ways, and some things like learning new things or exercise can meet three of these to get you positivity addicted. Remember you are worthy, you do deserve more, you are beautiful, caring and kind.
Most people who recover from narcissistic abuse learn all about narcissism. Not only will it fill a lot of your human needs, but it also helps you understand what you went through and how to handle them, why they do what they do.
Keep going. You’ve got this.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.