The lies from a narcissist.
Often what narcissists say is very different from what they mean; here are some of the more common phrases narcissists rely upon you believing, things they say to manipulate you. Where when we listen closely enough, we can recognise it’s the narcissist’s projection or gaslighting as they try to distract us from their intentions or their actions, or to get us to think from an emotional place such as shame, guilt, compassion or remorse, so the narcissist can further their control over who we are as a person to benefit who they are as a person.
People on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum are very egotistical, entitled people and expect others to give them everything they want, with the narcissist doing the bare minimum in return, when we don’t know what they are, they are very tough to spot in society. Narcissists are the masters of manipulation. They are masters of words and lies; the lies they tell, they often believe themselves. They gaslight so well that even when the actions don’t match their words. Those around the narcissist question themselves, doubt their thoughts, feelings, intentions and instincts, often believing the narcissists lies.
The phrases they tell people and what they truly mean.
When a narcissist says, “ I love you.” Or “If you loved me, you would.”
They’re just using the word love to control you. They don’t really love you, not in the way you love them. They love that you put them before yourself, that you make your life about making them happy. They love how you do your best to solve their issues, relieve their pain, fix their problems. Narcissists love how you take time out for them and not yourself, that you shower them with your attention only, that you make the narcissist’s happiness your responsibility. Narcissists love how you think you’re the one that can help them, make life better for them. They love how you need them. They love how with a few devaluing words or withholding of attention, withholding of communication, the narcissist’s silent treatment, they can make you feel unworthy and insignificant to try harder to please them. When I say I love you, They mean, They love how they can control you.
When a narcissist says, “I don’t want to argue.”
They mean they don’t want to discuss whatever topic of conversation needs discussing; the more you try to engage them in the conversation, the more they can twist it to play the victim by claiming you’re the one causing arguments
They say, “It’s not all about you.”
They mean. It’s all about them; they can not Handle you being the centre of attention. If you ever mention your needs that they don’t for fill, they’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having these needs. They mean they’re the only important one.
They say, “you’re so awkward.”
They mean they’re not getting their own way, so if they can make you think you’re the one causing problems, you’ll change your mind, and they’ll get what they wanted.
They say, “ You have trust issues.”
They mean they are a very untrustworthy person, and even though they’ve shown you many times by betraying you, they’re going to gaslight you into questioning your instincts and not their actions. Narcissists enjoy having control over your emotional thinking, they enjoy confusing you, and they enjoy getting their own way; when narcissists say, “You don’t trust them.” believe them.
They say, “You are so jealous and insecure.”
They mean they love how you compete for their attention. When they flirt with others, it makes them feel powerful and desirable. They enjoy making others feel unworthy and then twisting it to confuse others, what your instinct is often telling you is real; however, a narcissist wants to manipulate you into thinking it’s not; they want to convince you that your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem when without their actions there would be no reactions. You can never do anything right by a narcissist as that would mean they are wrong; being wrong to a narcissist is unimaginable to them, as they feel entitled to do as they please; they want to get you doubting yourself and not them.
They say, “We are just friends.”
They mean. Whenever they bored with you, or they don’t believe they’re getting the excessive attention they believe they’re entitled to, they’re calling this person. Or if you do manage to leave, they can simply replace you with this person and make you feel worse; this person might already be acting as a valuable side piece.
They’ll also be smearing your name to this person about how obsessed, controlling and toxic you are. So if you ever talk to this person about the narcissist’s behaviour, it will just confirm to them how crazy you are. Narcissists love making out that everything and everyone else is the problem to escape taking responsibility for their own actions and to get away with their behaviour. They love to humiliate and provoke you, so when you react, it’s matching what the narcissist has told others about you, they can let those seeds grow that they planted in another’s mind about you grow as they provoke your emotional responses to show people you are the one with the problem.
They say, “ You don’t have anyone to talk to about it.”
They mean this is because they’ve already isolated you from all support removing anyone important to you in your life so that the narcissist is the one who has power and control over your life now. They want to make you feel stupid and weak; they want to create feelings of codependency within you, so you doubt yourself, blame yourself no longer know who to trust, do all you can to please the narcissist not realising through the narcissists gaslighting they are the ones destroying you, as it all sounds so unbelievable in your mind, your pride and ego can stop you from speaking out, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being believed, and fear of the narcissist’s reactions can all stop you from speaking out. It seems when you do, no one believes you as the narcissist has already smeared your name, so others believe the narcissist and not you.
They say, “ You’re overthinking or overreacting”
They mean you have perfectly normal thoughts and reactions to their unbelievable yet real behaviour and normal reactions to their gaslighting lies; however, they don’t want you to wake up from the trance they put you under; instead, they need you to doubt and blame yourself so they can avoid being exposed for the very things they are doing to you, narcissists will make you ruminate and question everything about yourself in every way, they’ll make you feel like you’re to blame, they’ll cause feelings of guilt and shame within you, so you trust the narcissist’s toxic words and not your instincts. They will reap all the benefits of you working so hard to please them while they slowly manipulate and devalue you. while you work so hard to make it up to me
They “ You’re oversensitive.”
They mean they don’t want to validate your perfectly normal feeling as they love making you feel worse, which makes me feel better, they love how insensitive they can be, they love having power and control to take advantage of your kindness and hearing you trying to explain yourself to them, they love how they make you feel horrible when they intentionally did something that would hurt you. Yet, they’ve turned it all around to be your fault.
They say, “ I’m sorry you feel that way.”
They mean they’re not sorry; they’re just saying this so they can continue behaving the ways in which they do; they’re only ever sorry they got caught; they’ll never make an apology, as to them they’re always right; however, narcissists can say ” I’m sorry you, I’m sorry if, I’m sorry but.” Narcissists will always find a way to turn it onto you. They don’t care for how they made you feel; they care about not getting caught.
They say, “You’ll never find someone like me.”
They mean they think of themselves as perfect; they also fear abandonment, so they don’t want you leaving them, however as they are the self-entitled hypocrite, if they can replace you, they will.
Hopefully, this will explain to you why after coming out of a relationship with these people, you doubt everything around you and everyone. You might feel judged, silly and stupid; you could feel too scared to tell people to in case you sound crazy, you are not crazy, now is the time to rebuild yourself and cut negativity out of your and your children’s lives; you are not silly, crazy or stupid just because one person manipulated you, you just love hard, you’re loyal, honest and caring, you can heal yourself, you can move on. You may have anxiety; you can heal your anxiety.
How you felt and feel are normal, these are your feelings, and you are not alone; people out there do understand and have been through similar; trust yourself again, remember who you once was; you’ve allowed your thinking and mindset to be retrained, now you need to work on you to retrain your mindset, to positive thoughts, to who you want to be, know everyone’s allowed an opinion if you don’t agree move on no harm done, you can work on yourself. The best relationship you can have is one with yourself. So work on yourself today, tell yourself you can do this, and you so will. Love you for you.
Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.