Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Leaving the narcissist, removing them from your life and going no contact is always the best option, sometimes this isn’t possible, for those who wouldn’t be able to see the good parent if the cut contact with the narcissistic parent or if you have children etc.
Ways to stay ahead of the narcissist’s games.
1. A narcissist will always try to provoke you in some way, to cause you trouble, or to get you to react then blame it all on you. They are most likely going to try you, and initiate problems for you. The problem is they’ll do something to distract you from what they are really doing. A narcissist will always be misleading and misguiding you. They are often lying and manipulating. They will give you bits, and while you’re trying to figure out what they are doing, they are doing something else behind the scenes. They come at you with something, you get frustrated and wind yourself up trying to work it out. You want closure or solutions, come to an understanding, meet in the middle and work the problem out. So while you try to put the puzzle together and figure that out. They are. Removing pieces elsewhere.
They always tell you, if you did this if you hadn’t have done that. When the truth is that doesn’t even matter, even if you had done that for them, you’d still be wrong, as you may already know all too well, the narcissist gets you to conform with one thing, then they up there games. Whenever you start thinking of giving them an inch don’t do it because they will take a mile.
You have to stick with your beliefs and your instincts and do what’s right for you, narcissistic people are takers and only give if they know they’ll get something in return.
You have to observe their words and watch their actions, don’t take it personally as it’ll just upset you. Never absorb or take in why they are saying, that’s why they are saying it.
2. Stop letting them know anything about you. They have no interest in seeing you do well, help the children, seeing the children do well, they feel envious and jealous, and if they see you’re doing well, they’ll want to bring you down to their level. When they know your plans, this keeps them one step ahead of you, as they’ll come up with a method to ruin those plans for you, disrupt your life and disrupt your plans. Narcissistic people sabotage themselves and want to sabotage all those around them.
3. Stop trying to out-argue them, and they truly want you to argue with them, they want to twist it and turn it, to leave you angry and full of resentment, they want your reactions, they’re not interested in the argument, they are interested in getting reactions from you. They are not interested in your point of view, what’s right or what’s wrong, they are only interested in themselves, they are only interested in gaining attention and staying control, and they will do so many hurtful manipulating things to stay in control. When you’re left thinking. “Why can they not just?” They have you left thinking about them, and the puzzle they give that will never be completed as they’ve removed some pieces to keep you confused. You can not argue your point with a narcissist, and you will not get them to see your point of view, they are only interested in themselves. If you feel the need to be heard, respond once and once only, do not give attention to their twisted argument they are trying to lure you into, you made your point then leave them be. Keep your standards high, but lower your expectations of them, they are incapable of genuinely caring for others feelings, or takings others opinions on board.
4. A narcissist has to believe something was their idea for them to do it, yet they’ll still change their mind later on or change it all around on you, when things start to work, they will start to sabotage.
5. Stop trying to reason with them, explain or compromise, you probably tried countless times, just to be left even more frustrated, and that’s precisely what they want.
Remember a narcissist is of no value to you, only you have things of value to them. When you continue to engage with them, continue to go back and forth with them, when you absorb their words, put in your emotions, thoughts and efforts, try to help them, try to please them, try to compromise with them. Put your time and enjoy towards them, react to them, they are draining you mentally and physically. A narcissist is not interested in anyone other than themselves. You don’t owe any explanation for being you or what you do, as they’ll never explain anything to you.
A narcissist wants what they want, and they care not for those who stand in there way.
Be who you want to be for you, and not you who think others think you should be for them.
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