Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Some underlying issues you may have which keeps you locked into the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Not everyone will have these, but those that do need to deal with them to break the cycle.
In order to develop and grow we as humans have to confront and deal with those lies we tell ourselves within our own minds, those excuses we tell ourselves when we don’t want to see or don’t understand the reality of what’s happening to us, these are most often done by ourselves to protect ourselves.
If you have a pattern of attracting narcissists this is the issues you need to deal within yourself.
Although in the relationship you don’t go in giving in order to receive. It’s most often an inner false belief of. If I’m good to you, give you what you need, love you and I’m kind to you. You’ll do the same for me. With most people this is true and relationships are about give and take, however sometimes we don’t want to see that those negative people exist and we wish to help them, to a detrimental effect on our own mental and physical health.
Most often this is done believing that that’s the only communication needed, that you don’t have to explain your needs to them. Thus leaving you to deny yourself your own needs, to self sacrifice your needs to serve others, becoming the perfect pray for a narcissistic person.
Often not understanding your fundamental needs, not speaking out and up for yourself, therefore you covertly ask for them to be met. ( just because you do something covertly doesn’t make you a narcissist.)
It can be down to shyness, either from childhood programming of your mindset, or previous toxic relationships, that you no longer feel you can speak up for your own needs, for fear of reactions or rejection. So now you give in other ways, hoping to relieve the love you’d like. Treat people how you’d like to be treated. Toxic people take advantage of this method of communication.
As nice as you can be as a person, the more you give and the less you receive, most often leaves some people with, anger, resentment, hostility. This is human nature when taken advantage of, or needs not being met, or being provoked by others.
Some people them get trapped into the mindset, that it would make them bad or selfish people if they speak out about their own needs.
Remaining with the narcissist hoping they’ll change. The narcissist manipulation and pathological ways of getting their needs met. Means most often you stay as they trigger your need for giving and serving others.
Hoping when you give, they’ll give you something in return, and as now and again this happens, and when they do give it’s incredible, so you stay in the relationship a little longer hoping for that person you met to return, continuing to give and not getting much back.
Narcissist provides others with intermittent re-enforcement. Until you get so sick and tired of being sick and tired and reach your limit of giving, and mostly receiving hurt and neglect in return.
It takes courage to unlearn your programmed mindset and inner dialogue, it takes courage and strength to stop giving to those who are not worthy of you, it takes losing your pride and your ego to help yourself overcome your fears and being able to not only give but also ask for help and take it.
It’s time to stop denying yourself your own needs. It’s also time to stop just giving, time to stop people pleasing those who only wish to use you. It’s time to stop being nice to everyone in the hope they’ll be nice to you.
It’s time to state your needs and if they’re not being met, move onto better more positive, more friendly people.
Abuse is abuse mental or physical and no one deserves to be abused, get out, stay out, stay safe.