Boundaries. Are You A People Pleaser After Narcissistic Abuse?

How to handle a narcissist if you can not altogether remove them from your life.

Narcissistic and toxic people fail to understand the word no or stop. It just doesn’t seem to compute within their mindsets. Instead, it gives them the challenge to take it further.

You’ve probably spent your entire relationship, getting your mind programmed, that you say no, draw a line in that sand and they come at you and step straight over that line, and you say yes.

You say no to something else, draw a line in that sand for what you will and will not accept. Yet, again they come at it, wiping it all out, removing your boundaries from your mind, and stepping straight through them, as they make you think your boundaries are the problem to distract you from the fact their behaviour is the problem.

They do this time and time again until you wake one day to realise your boundaries are no more.

Worse still, because of their gaslighting, mental or physical abuse, you’ve reacted, so they’ve shifted all the blame over to you, and you’ve taken 100% of the responsibility. When you stumble across narcissism, you think you are the narcissist that needs help.

So if you can not totally remove them from your life, it’s time to recreate your boundaries and action them. It’s ok to say no. If it doesn’t feel right with you, you are allowed to say no. Don’t say no just to be awkward because the narcissist is a manipulative twit. If you don’t mind, shock them by saying yes. If your parents want you to do something for them and you don’t mind, say yes, your boss wants you to run that errand, and you genuinely don’t mind say yes. Your child’s parent wants to change the days they see the kids, and it suits the children, just say yes, they’ll probably try that tactic again, again say yes if it works you, say no if it doesn’t. Do not let the narcissist know your routines. They can, and they will use these against you.

If something doesn’t suit you, say no, feel free to explain your reason once, if they’re not will to listen, that’s on them, it’s a NO and a firm NO, no more explanations necessary, if they don’t want to hear it not up to you to carry on explaining yourself, they’ll just use it as more ammo against you. When they come at you with “That’s just like you.” “You’re awkward.” “If you loved me, you would.” “After all, I’ve done for you.” Recognise this is their guilt trip—stand firm to your NOs. Narcissistic people feel entitled. They don’t like the word no. The more you try to explain to them, the more they switch tactics on you. If it doesn’t sit with you or suit you, it’s a No. The fact they’re only interested in you, yes, and manipulate your no, is a sign you needed to say no.

If your narcissistic parent keeps asking for favours and you don’t mind say yes, however, when they continue to take from you, threaten to cut you off whenever you say no, it’s a sign you need to say no.

You have to learn to say no, to the things that don’t bring you inner peace, you have to say no to the things that don’t bring you joy, you have to say no to inconvenience, you have to say no to people who walk all over your no and you have to stick to your no. No to the things that don’t honour you, You do not need to explain your no to those people who are committed to not listening to you no. Your no needs to mean no, and you need to have a million ways just to say NO.

Nows the time to action those no’s, draw that line in the sand then when they come at you, do not back down and let them cross your boundaries, remain on your boundary line, stand firm and say no, no more words needed. A narcissist doesn’t get these. They do enjoy your reactions. They do not enjoy the word no, so stand firm on your No’s and once you’ve said no, do not change your mind with them.

Creating healthy boundaries.

Stop explaining.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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