Overcoming narcissistic abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – life coach.
When you wake up in the morning and instantly think about all your problems,
These problems are caused my memories that are connected to people,
Each of these memories have emotions attached, and think about these memories keep you living in the past.
Then you start your day, filled with pain, unhappiness and feeling sad.
How you think shapes your future, yes you may need to work through some difficult times, but then you need to let those emotions out, so you can leave your past behind and begin to create a better future.
Then once up you check all your social media, go through your usual Day to day routine.
Most of what you are today is memorised behaviours from your past, memorised thought process that others and yourself have trained your mind to subconsciously think.
A lot Just carry on with their day to day lives without thinking about change.
Yet when You’ve been through trauma or tragedy, you have to act, and you have to change, it’s not a nice thing to go through, it’s not a nice thing to start, and it can be incredibly difficult and challenging at times, but to get that end result of inner happiness, it’s totally worth it, you’ll feel away about yourself that you’ve never felt before.
If you, stay in traumatic times and stress are forever anticipating, the next issue, the next problem, the next Dilemma, what going to go wrong now. So you’re forever stuck in your own headspace dreading the worst possible outcome at every turn. Sat waiting around for the next bad thing to happen that you dreamed up when you awoke because your stuck living in the past. This then conditions your mind and body into a constant state of fear, then the panic attacks and anxiety kick in, as you no longer know any different, those highs and lows in your life release hormones, that causes trauma bonding, keeping you stuck from leaving the situation your in, if this sounds like you and your still in an abusive relationship, it’s not going to change, you can not help them, you cannot continue living your life this way. If you want better for yourself, you need to find a safe route out, call women’s aid if needed.
It going to be far from easy, it’s not going to be pleasant, it’s going to be a completely heartbreaking journey, as you go through the recovery process, if you do it, and do it with all you’ve got, and you’ve got all the capabilities to do it, how do I know this? I’ve been there. Also, anyone that can endure that kind of relationship, keep changing themselves, keep taking them back, keep trying to help them heal, putting all you’ve got into trying to make it work, whilst you’re so lost and broken, you are amazing, you are strong and you are powerful.
I have one question for you, if you’re still doubting if you should leave, if you’re still hoping they’ll come back, hows that worked out for you so far?
If you’re like me and so many others, you are not alone in this, due to how our minds had been programmed, afraid to let go and venture into the unknown, a lot often totally alone, losing jobs, homes and cars, yes it is hard.
You will go through hatred, wanting revenge, wanting them to lose and hurt, just like you, confusion of why they are constantly running through your head, dreaming about them, wondering who’s fault it was, what you could have done differently, if the pain will ever end and if your mind will ever let it drop. You will learn about narcissism, you will start to pity them, you will start to fear them less day by day, you will start to become happier, your thought process will start to become clearer, your logical thinking greater, you’ll connect deeper within yourself, you will start to listen to your instincts, you’ll start to create new visions and new dreams, for you, you’ll start to feel freedom peace and happiness, you’ll be truly happy from the inside out, one day you’ll look at that person and feel no attraction whatsoever, you’ll let go of your ego and pride, you’ll see what you did and exactly what they did, you’ll find it easy to no longer react, you’ll let go of the shame, from what they drilled into you, to make you feel so worthless, you’ll let go of the shame of who you turned into, some of us go into the natural instinct of fight mode. I know I did, this actually got me questioning if I was a narcissist, because of who I’d become, and how I’d reacted with my words at times, which then when the narcissist comes at you with all that blame shifting, you take all the blame, hears the thing, there are three sides to a story, your side, their side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
The truth to a narcissistic relationship is, the feel criticised, so want to hurt you, they then go all out using whatever methods suit them best to push your button, as we don’t see what’s truly going on we then react, which causes them to react, they them blame shift that our reactions caused it all, we then take all the blame, apologise, make it up to them, slowly losing more of our inner selves, our self-respect, our perception of reality, our boundaries, our mind, slowly driving ourselves crazy as we can not see what truly happening.
Nothing they do deserve our reactions, nothing we did deserve their reactions, two wrong don’t make it right what’s worse is.
The narcissist plots and dose wrong, then we do wrong, then the narcissist dose wrong, then we apologise.
So, in all honesty, it’s two wrongs by them, one wrong by us, an apology from us, and they carry on happily until the next time.
We are normal we can accept responsibility for the part we played, they never can.
Once you understand this, you know that those kinds of people are not who you want to be around, you don’t even know who you are or like yourself when you’re around them.
You will accept the part you played, you will not want revenge, you’ll just want to leave them far behind and move forward with your own life, with the new improved happier you. You’ll no longer feel any need to react, no point as you simply know the games and stunts they pull and you become no longer interested in taking part in them.
Then one day when you think of them, it will be different, those emotions will be gone, you will feel nothing towards them, if you do feel something it’ll probably be a pity,
Better still the more positive you become, the more new amazing friends you will have, life will be fabulous again, and you’ll wake up one day and the thought will pop into your head that you haven’t thought about them in a long long time.
You’ll be thankful they entered your life, and they left it, you’ll be grateful for who it’s made you become, you will hold no more resentment or grudges as you’ll be at peace within yourself and you’ll love and respect yourself.
So you have to leave the place your in step into the unknown, which is extremely scary when you start, it will be extremely beneficial, grieve the hopes and dreams, feel the fear and the loss, work through them, whilst working on you and working into a fresh new mindset and a fresh new look at life,
Once you’re ready to stop constantly thinking about the last, it’s time to work on your future, you have to want it and you have to take action, you are more than capable,
Close your eyes and dream about who you want to be, what you would like to be, and where you’d like to take your future self.
The more you think and program your future into your brain, the less it thinks about the past and the more it’ll help you create steps into creating you a brighter future.
Don’t wait for your healing to be complete to feel whole, close your eyes a dream that you already feel that way, every time the last or a negative thought steps in, Chuck it straight back out and start dreaming positive happy things, it takes time, it takes work and it takes effort when you begin, before you know it, you will have positive thoughts when you jump out of bed, it’ll drive your day forwards and happier versions of your new found self.
You can not wait for the outside world to change the inside you, you need to change the inside you then create the outside world.
When you start to feel whole your healing begins, when you start loving yourself you begin loving life again.
It’s time to stop living as a victim. “ they did this to me. “ change it up a gear and start living as a creator of your new amazing life.
The main reason you need to change your thoughts are.
Your same thoughts lead you to the same choices that then lead you to the same destinations, the same destinations give you the same emotions, those destinations aren’t working for you so now it’s time to change those thoughts, those choices, those actions into great adventures of new destinations. Happy emotions.
You have to become at one with yourself, stop fighting against your instincts and follow them, they are trying to tell you something so listen to them.
If you need a Kick start and your narcissist left you, you’ll be after karma. Nothing gets them more than someone who walks or stays free, moves not only forwards with their life but onto a much happier, for filling life where you forgive them and you forgive yourself. You will still happily stay well clear of them, when the recovery is over you’ll no longer want that revenge or karma, as you’ll be at peace with yourself. You’ll actually wish them well.
To stop the predictable of your past defining the predictability of your future, you’ve got to consciously remove your subconscious programming, and consciously, replace it with a dream and a vision, positive thought, to create a better and different future.
You need to stop using your environment and those around you to shape who you are.
You need to start using yourself to create a better environment, remove negative people and surround yourself with positive people.
There is a post on here, to help you create new dreams. Ways to find your passions, to start visualise them, more will be going on, as we are all unique and well all work definitely to achieve our goals.
Remember Albert Einstein quote.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.