When memories are causing your problems, and these problems are caused by memories that are connected to people.
Each of these memories has emotions attached, and think about these memories keep you living in the past.
When you wake up in the morning and instantly think about all your problems.
Then you start your day filled with pain, unhappiness and feeling sad.
How you think can shape your future. You may need to work through some difficult times, but then you need to let those emotions out, so you can leave your past behind and begin to create a better future.
Most of what you are today is memorised behaviours from your past, memorised thought process that others and yourself have trained your mind to think subconsciously.
Many people just carry on with their day to day lives without thinking about change.
Yet when you’ve been through trauma or tragedy, you have to act. You have to change, it’s not a nice thing to go through, it’s not a nice thing to start, and it can be incredibly difficult and challenging at times, but to get that end result of inner happiness, it’s totally worth it, you’ll feel away about yourself that you’ve never felt before.
If you stay in traumatic times and stress are real, forever anticipating the next issue, the next problem, the next Dilemma, what’s going to go wrong now? So you’re permanently stuck in your own headspace, dreading the worst possible outcome at every turn. Sat waiting around for the next bad thing to happen that you dreamed up when you awoke because you’re stuck living in the past. This then conditions your mind and body into a constant state of fear, then the panic attacks and anxiety kick in, as you no longer know any different, those highs and lows in your life release hormones that cause trauma bonding, keeping you stuck from leaving the situation your in if this sounds like you and you’re still in an abusive relationship, it’s not going to change, you can not help them, you cannot continue living your life this way. If you want better for yourself, you need to find a safe route out, call women’s aid men’s aid if needed.
It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be as easy as you make it. It’s not going to be pleasant. It’s going to be a journey. As you go through the recovery process, if you do it and do it with all you’ve got, you’ve got all the capabilities to do it. How do I know this? You found the coping strategies to survive the relationship, you’ll find them to make it through recovery, anyone that can endure that kind of relationship, keep changing themselves, keep taking them back, keep trying to help them heal, putting all you’ve got into trying to make it work, whilst you’re so lost and broken, you are amazing, you are strong, and you are powerful.
I have one question for you, if you’re still doubting if you should leave, if you’re still hoping they’ll come back, hows that worked out for you so far?
If you’re like me and so many others, you are not alone in this, due to how our minds had been programmed, afraid to let go and venture into the unknown, a lot of people are often left isolated, alone, losing jobs, homes and cars, yes it is hard, however, leaving is worth it.
You can go through hatred, wanting revenge, wanting them to lose and hurt, just like you, confusion of why they are continually running through your head, dreaming about them, wondering whose fault it was, what you could have done differently if the pain will ever end and if your mind will ever let it drop. As you learn about narcissism, you might even start to pity them, you will begin to fear them less day by day, you will begin to become happier, your thought process will begin to become clearer, your logical thinking greater, you’ll connect deeper within yourself, you will start to listen to your instincts, you’ll begin to create new visions and new dreams, for you, you’ll begin to feel freedom peace and happiness, you’ll be truly happy from the inside out, one day you’ll look at that person and feel no attraction whatsoever, you’ll see them for who they are, you’ll let go of your ego and pride, you’ll see what you did, and exactly what they did, you’ll find it easy to no longer react, you’ll let go of the shame, from what they drilled into you, to make you feel so worthless, you’ll let go of the shame of who you turned into, some of us go into the natural instinct of fight mode. Which actually gets us questioning if We are the narcissist because of who we become and how we react at times, which then when the narcissist comes at you with all that blame-shifting, you take all the blame, hears the thing, there can be three sides to a story, your side, their side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
The truth to a narcissistic relationship is, when they feel criticised, they want to hurt you, they then go all out using whatever methods suit them best to push your button, as we don’t see what’s genuinely going on, we then react, they will then blame shift that our reactions are the problem, to distract us from the fact their actions are the problem, we then take all the blame, apologise, make it up to them, slowly losing more of our inner selves, our self-respect, our perception of reality, our boundaries, our mind, slowly driving ourselves crazy as we can not see what truly happening.
Nothing they do deserves our reactions. Nothing we did deserved their actions. Two wrongs don’t make it right. What’s worse is a narcissist does wrong, then baits us into reacting, then we do wrong, then we apologise to them, and they carry on with their hurtful behaviour.
Your feelings are valid, and they are normal. We can accept responsibility for the part we played. They never can why many will blame our feelings for their behaviours.
Once you understand this, you know that those kinds of people are not who you want to be around. You don’t even know who you are or like yourself when you’re around them.
You can accept the part you played. You realise it’s not revenge. Your after it’s justice and peace. You’ll just want to leave them far behind in the past and move forward with your own life, with the new, improved, happier you. You’ll no longer feel any need to react, no point as you simply know the games and stunts they pull, and you become no longer interested in taking part in them.
Then one day when you think of them, it will be different, those emotions will be gone, you will feel nothing towards them, if you do feel something it’ll probably be a pity,
Better still, the more you create a new life, the more new amazing friends you will have, life will be fabulous again, and you’ll wake up one day, and the thought will pop into your head that you haven’t thought about them in a long, long time.
You’ll be thankful they entered your life, and they left it, you’ll be grateful for who it’s made you become, you will hold no more resentment or grudges as you’ll be at peace within yourself, and you’ll love and respect yourself.
When the place you’re in hurts you. You have to leave the place your in step into the unknown, which is extremely scary when you start. It will be extremely beneficial, grieve the hopes and dreams, feel the fear and the loss, work through them whilst working on you and working into a fresh new mindset and a fresh new look at life,
Once you’re ready to stop constantly thinking about the past, it’s time to work on your future, you have to want it, and you have to take action. You are more than capable,
Close your eyes and dream about who you want to be, what you would like to be, and where you’d like to take your future self.
The more you think and program your future into your brain, the less it thinks about the past and the more it’ll help you create steps into creating you a brighter future.
Don’t wait for your healing to be complete to feel whole; close your eyes a dream that you already feel that way; every time the last or a negative thought steps in, Chuck it straight back out and start dreaming positive, happy things. It takes time, it takes work, and it takes effort when you begin. Before you know it, you will have positive thoughts when you jump out of bed. It’ll drive your day forwards and happier versions of your new-found self.
You can not wait for the outside world to change the inside of you. You need to change the knowledge of yourself then create the outside world.
When you start to feel whole, your healing begins. When you start loving yourself, you start loving life again.
It’s time to stop living as a victim. “ they did this to me. “ change it up a gear and start living as a creator of your new amazing life.
The main reason you need to change your thoughts are.
Your same thoughts lead you to the same choices that then show you to the same destinations, the same destinations give you the same emotions, when those destinations aren’t working for you, it’s time to change those thoughts, those choices, those actions into great adventures of new destinations. Happy emotions.
You have to become at one with yourself, stop fighting against your instincts and follow them. They are trying to tell you something, so listen to them.
If you need a kick start and the narcissist left you, you’ll be after karma. Nothing gets them more than someone who walks or stays free, moves forwards with their life onto a much happier life, where you forgive yourself for things you didn’t understand. You will happily stay well clear of them. When the recovery is over, you’ll no longer want that revenge or karma, as you’ll be at peace with yourself.
To stop the predictable of your past from defining the predictability of your future, you’ve got to consciously remove your subconscious programming and deliberately replace it with a dream and a vision, positive thought, to create a better and different future.
You need to stop using your environment and those around you to shape who you are.
You need to start using yourself to create a better environment, remove negative people and surround yourself with positive people.
Find your passions to start to visualise them. More will be going on, as we are all unique and well all work definitely to achieve our goals.
Remember Albert Einstein quote.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Detaching your thoughts from the narcissist.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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