Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Why is it the narcissist can never see your point of view?
Narcissist uses lots of different manipulation methods to keep you confused, from all the gaslighting, pity plays, silent treatments, projecting, then now and again love bombing to keep you further in a trace and further away from the reality of the truth.
Whilst in the relationship you’ll have questions like, “why are they so angry over nothing? What have I done this time? Where have they gone? What did I do? How can I get them to talk to me? What’s the matter with them now?”
After the relationship its questions of. “Who are they, why will they not just leave me alone?”
Because of our emotional attachment to them, it Hurts all the more, as our logical thinking regarding them is usually attached to our emotional thinking, with their manipulative over us it keeps us in the dark.
Understanding a narcissist’s toxic logic may help you distance your emotional attachment to them.
It gives more awareness of why they say and do the things they do. It gives you a deeper understanding of why they acted certain ways towards you, why they provoked and respond in certain ways to you, that most people not on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum wouldn’t do. Give you the reality back of what really happened, so you can move forward with your life.
When you make the narcissist breakfast, that they’ve been guilt-tripping you throughout the night before, yet when they come down they take on a bite and throw the plate to the floor. They sulk off upstairs and you’ve no clue what’s wrong, when they come down a little later, like nothing ever happened, with no apology.
From your point of view, you cooked them a lovely breakfast, then had to clean up a lovely mess, from the narcissists point of view, you criticised them the night before by not readily agreeing to their demands, therefore they awoke grumpily and chose the fact you hadn’t cooked their eggs just how they like them, to throw the plate on the floor, as you were supposed to be going out for the day with friends, something the narcissist doesn’t want to do as they’ll not be the centre of attention, they going to go all out to send your mind all over before you head out of the door.
Of course when you turn up to meet friends, your all over the place thinking about what’s happening, your too puzzled and full of questions, you dare not ask for fear of reactions, whilst the narcissist is all happy and normal, with everyone else, yet cold towards you, they may suddenly try to tickle you, which you react because of the mornings events, yet to friends, the narcissist look in a happy playful mood and you look grumpy, meaning next time the narcissistic sees them without you, the narcissist can smear about just how miserable you were that day.
You’re on a day out with all the children, yet you have no money to purchase lunch as you loaned it to the narcissist, who’s promised to give it to you back on the day, so you can buy everyone’s including their lunch.
Yet you wait and wait and wait and nothing, you don’t have extra to buy lunch, yet the narcissist walks into the chip shop and starts ordering food, then looks at you to pay, when you then have to ask them for the cash, they throw the money on the floor and storm out, whilst you, the children and the staff, look bewildered, you purchase lunch for everyone after picking up the money. Then go find the narcissist with their lunch in hand. When you do find them, they throw theirs in the bin, give you the silent treatment and become the life and sole with the children, leaving you once again, hurt and confusion, whilst the narcissist is the centre of attention, why do they do this? First, they didn’t want to go out, even if it was their idea, second they felt criticised in the chip shop, believing you belittled them, in front of others.
The narcissist got reaction from those when they threw the money, then they got reaction by storming off, you and the children chasing after them, feeds their ego a little more, so heals them from the criticism enough to play happy parent getting positive emotions from the children, yet not enough to be nice to you, you need to be punished. So you can be the one remembered as grumpy that day, and the children will forget the chip shop.
At the time you don’t understand what’s happening, yet when you understand how a narcissist thinks, your reality becomes clear on so many past events.
A narcissist logic isn’t the same as other logic. How a narcissist thinks.
Everything is black and white to the narcissist, no middle ground, no grey. It’s their way or you get punished way, but you have to work out what their way is when their logic is completely different to yours. Their logic is.
They have to be in full control of everything and everyone.
They lie that much, most believe in their own lies.
Nothing is ever their fault, others are always to blame.
Emotional reactions are everything to them negative or positive. They need others emotions to cover up their own deeply hidden insecurities.
They are above all others and their needs should be met first and foremost.
They are self-entitled and believe they are allowed to do what they want whenever they want, rules do not apply to them.
They have no empathy towards others, only their feelings matter.
If you do exactly what they want, when they want exactly how they want, they will treat you well, it’s your job to work out what they want and how they want it.
If you don’t get it right the first time you are wrong and need to be punished.
They have no guilt or remorse, they will twist it onto you so they do not feel the shame.
Anyone who demands anything from them, or is deemed to them as controlling is unacceptable, as they are the ones to be in control of all others
They do not care for others feelings or truly understand them, only their own.
Anyone who criticised them, blocks them getting what they want, is bad.
Anyone who questions their superiority over others is a deep criticism and they must be punished. Criticism hurts them, and that when their inner rage flares up and they must punish others.
They do not care for others boundaries, these are a challenge to be broken down.
The world is against them.
The means justifies the end result.
Their thinking is toxic, as it means they use and abuse all those around them, to meet their own needs, without any guilt, they manipulate through pity plays, gaslighting and fear, they blame shift as to them it’s all your fault anyway.
They simply do not care for anyone other than themselves.
No contact, Grey rock and no reaction is key to braking free, getting them to leave you alone and finding your own inner happiness again.