Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw. Life-Coach.
Protecting yourself from the Narcissist.
The best recommendation is no contact and to stay away from the narcissist. When you have children with them, or if you might lose good family members, or can not change job straight away, no contact is not always possible.
The narcissist is extremely hard to identify, and they even fool trained professionals.
If they are abusive, it doesn’t matter if they are a narcissist or not, you need to stay safe.
Finding out about narcissism can help you work through all your whys? And give you an understanding of what’s happened to you, if they are not a narcissist and just abusive, you still need to get out.
It’s unhealthy for you to stay in an abusive relationship, hoping the other person will change, you need to help yourself get out and find your own happiness.
You are not in a relationship. You’re in a hostage situation with someone who manipulates you and continues to hurt you. Your job isn’t to help them, and it’s to get out safely.
Love isn’t enough with a narcissist, and you have to create boundaries and protect yourself.
Boundaries are not agreements you make with other people or to negotiate your boundaries with other people. Boundaries are your way of saying, this is what I’ll accept, this is what I’ll not accept, boundaries are yours for you, and that’s your way of saying yes or no. Stick with what you want for your own happiness.
When you put your boundaries in place and enforce them, you don’t need to look for red flags in others, as you’ll have your own deal-breakers. Anyone who disrespects you and your boundaries, they have no place in your life.
When it comes to a narcissistic person, they don’t respect other people’s boundaries, and they do their best to break them, that is just what narcissistic people do, they only see it from their way. They will try different tactics to get you to break your boundaries.
You have to mean what you say and say what you mean, and you are in charge of you and your boundaries, then you have to enforce your boundaries and stay true to you.
When you’ve got strong boundaries, you can cut negative people from your life.
Good people, if you said you didn’t like something, they’ve said or done, would apologise like you would, then not do it again.
Toxic people will do all the, “you are to Sensitive.” “You’re miserable.” ”You’re boring.” To make you doubt yourself so they can walk all over your boundaries again when they do this, that’s your cue to walk away. They don’t respect you or your feelings.
Reasonable people can try once to get you to change your mind on something, and then they would drop it, Narcissistic people will try time and time again.
Yes, it can be hard to walk away from people, but those who don’t respect you, they don’t care about you.
Boundaries are what protect your happiness, and it’s how you respect yourself.
You also need to control your response. Giving the narcissist no reaction, you can not defend yourself against a narcissistic person, they don’t care, they’re just focused on your reactions. They want you to defend yourself, and they want to plant seeds of doubt into your mind.
Covert is hard because they always have an excuse, “your crazy.” “you’re still hung up on your exes.”
Your intuition will have been speaking to you throughout the relationship, yet you’ll have most likely pushed it down, intuition is knowing without knowing, you don’t have to go through all the steps to know, you just have to listen to it.
You may have no proof, and you do not need proof, you don’t need to rationalise, you just need to listen to your instincts, they are there to protect you.
Grey rock, you are the rock, be as boring as possible to them, no chit chat. Only talk about children. Stick to plans, don’t argue no is no.
They will try lots of tactics to get a reaction from you. When you have to talk to them, give them no emotions, no nothing, just say “ok” no smile, no smirk, no tears, no nothing, you have to look upon them as a stranger and give nothing, make your voice as dull as possible, then they’ve got nothing to run on. They might up the game when you first start creating boundaries, and you’ll notice the pattern of their games soon enough.
So boundaries for you and your children, stick with them, no matter what the narcissist throws your way.
Response. Short simple to the point answers if they are needed about the children,
If not, no response and no reaction.
Listen to your instinct at all times.
Then they will become less interested in you, as they’re getting nothing from you.
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