Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Breaking the cycle of the drama with a narcissist.
A quick recap on why narcissist do what they do, first they are bored, they don’t experience Boredom, as we do, they can get depressed, so it’s better for them to destroy others, than admit to their feelings.
They are extremely sensitive to real or imaginary criticism. So they feel you actually did something to them and you are to blame.
Nothing can be solved with a narcissist as others are always to be blamed.
When it comes to a narcissist, they are somewhat impulsive, have a lack of respect for others and boundaries. They believe they are entitled, and rules do not apply to them.
They will put themselves and choose themselves first, every time.
They will cause and circle around arguments, the will guilt trip, and they will silent treatment.
They put feelings to facts, and want to play victim to escape accountability, so they are never the bad person, you are the bad person.
The narcissist enjoys provoking others, they do not care if it’s negative attention or positive attention, they just want attention, and any will do.
If they cannot be the best, they’ll be the worst.
They want reactions from you, love or hate because to them they are then important.
They have a disorder, that’s why they act how they do, to cover their insecurities and feelings, to feel superior, to feel better about themselves, to be in control of everything around them, as they are not in control of themselves. They believe the worlds unfair. So they destroy others, if they can not be happy, why should others be.
They are emotional leach.
Remember, narcissist are great at dishing out the guilt, and empaths are guilt takers.
No reaction doesn’t mean you don’t care, and it means your taking back control of your own mind and your own life, which you really need to do, to get control back of your own love and happiness.
So how to stop reacting, it sounds hard, but it’s easy, behaviours become patterns, just like the narcissist’s behaviour if you observe it there is a pattern, with emotion situations, your body and mind got trained into how you respond, now you can train yourself back out of it, you’ve got to up your game, you can not control their behaviour, in fact, they can not control their behaviours, you can take back control of your own. You have to control yourself and stop reacting or go No contact, grey rock if you’ve got children. You need to get control of your own emotions, then get control of your reactions. No reaction to them..
It is hard to start as it’s normal human behaviour to want to be understood, to want to be heard, to defend ourselves, this is ok with like-minded people who are also willing to listen. They are not looking once they’ve made their mind up, they are not interested in what you have to say, they believe they are right, and to them, that’s all they need to know. The more you learn to control your emotions, your reactions, and who you are, the less impact they will have on you, the easier it will become, and the more peaceful your life will be.
If you occasionally slip and react, don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Just keep reacting less and less until you get to the point, where you don’t react. Remember to Retreat, rethink when they are triggering your emotions so you can gain control of your emotions, and only respond if you need to do so.
To start with, You will want to react, just don’t do it to the narcissist, tell yourself “the narcissist wants me to react, and I’m not going to.”
Let it go, if needed once they’ve left, shout and scream your reactions to get it out from you, just never ever to the narcissist, no reactions.
The narcissist is trying to control your feelings, all your emotions and all your reactions, stop letting them control you. Stop reacting, yes it’s hard at first you want to defend yourself, with practice it gets easier, then before you know it, you’ll just not react, no matter what button they press, as you’ll recognise it’s all only one big game to them.
It’s only going to work, if you take the power away from them, then take back control of your own life.
Once you stop you’ll notice, the narcissist will switch tactics and work harder to get a reaction, stay with it do not react. You will get to the point you’ll no longer feel the need to react, as they’re not interested in your point of view anyway, and you know they hate not getting a reaction from you.
So how to stop reacting, just stop reacting. Its a learning curve, you will get there.
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