Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Block them and their family on social media.
If you have children, only converse about the children as boring as you possibly can, please see my parallel parenting and grey rock posts, for more information.
With a narcissist it’s all about them, if you have got out or they’ve left you, be on guard for some manipulative moves from the ex-narcissist, here are some of those moves. Stick with no contact.
You’ll will most likely obsess over, was it me? Was it them? What could I have done better? They can not be a narcissist, can they? You may contact them to get answers. NO, NO, NO, they are hoping you’ll do this, stick with no contact.
If you finish with them, they might tell others they finished it with you, they may block you first, so you end up chasing and stalking them.
The narcissist might try to then contact you, hoping you are too hooked and will not let them go.
They might tell you, they’ll go to counselling with you. They do not change.
The narcissist will also obsess right before they hoover, the narcissist will do a smear campaign about you, whatever they did to you, they tell others you did it to them.
They might hoover, even if they’ve moved on, they might still try to get you back.
They will do whatever they can to destroy your life afterwards, get non-molestation order if needed.
A narcissist always wants to win, they don’t care if they use the children in this, they believe they are entitled to do as they please. People to the narcissist are an appliance to be used as they see fit. We use a kettle to meet a need for hot water, Narcissist uses people to meet a need for emotional reactions, something you own that they want etc. They will fight for custody if they believe they can win. Even if they don’t want the children. Or they will tell others your not allowing access, to play the victim card and gain pity.
A Narcissist just wants to play the emotional roller coaster game. They will do all they can to achieve this, especially if you let it show them it gets to you.
They don’t care for consequences, as they are not accountable it’s always someone else’s fault. They will always play the victim.
I still want to be friends. So they can be friends with benefits.
Driving past your home or work.
The greater narcissist may stalk you.
A narcissist doesn’t miss you not the same way that you miss them.
The narcissist sees everyone as an extension of themselves, so when you go no contact, they believe they should have you whenever they want.
It’s hard if they leave, then come back offering change, a lot of us believe perhaps it was our fault and try again, just for them to show their true colours again.
When they have moved on they may come back to you, blaming you as to why they moved on, yet again, you try again.
If it’s the trauma bond? not seeing them for who they are? Or just because we have empathy and believe people do make mistakes? or we didn’t truly understand the manipulation? you are not alone if you gave them a second chance or an eighth chance, no contact can be hard, but it’s vital for you to heal.
A narcissist does not change, do not repaint their colours. Some narcissist will punish you if you take them back, as they believe you didn’t have the right to leave in the first place,
Did you ever ask a narcissist what they loved about you? I did, they loved how I cooked their tea, they loved how I looked after their children, the eldest wasn’t my own, they loved how I left them to watch t.v, they loved how I washed their football boots. Notice the pattern it was always about what I did for them, they never once said. I love your smile, I love your sense of humour, I love your company. If you asked your ex-narcissist what they loved about you, please add to comments, so those thinking of going back can remind themselves not to. I know it’s hard to go no contact, you have that aftershock, the trauma bonded to them. So your mind may obsess, so no contact is a must. it will get so much better and life becomes so much brighter.