Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Social media is a fantastic resource for narcissists. To play more mind games with you, some will do all, some only do one or two, depending on the narcissist.
A narcissist will use social media to find new people, and if you didn’t meet them through social media they would use it as part of their love-bombing, either by gathering information about you, so they can easily share your likes and dislikes, your point of view, and find as much information about you as possible, so as they get to know you they just seem to really know you.
When you first start dating the narcissist, you get to wake up and see something amazing on you’re a Facebook wall from them, or they’ve re-tweeted something of yours. You start checking your social media, to see what lovely comments they’ve left for you today.
Then comes the next stage, when they begin to devalue you, that leaves you full of uncertainty, questioning what has changed? Who have they become? Changing yourself, time and time again to please them, walking on eggshells, the silent treatments, projection, gaslighting, always being your fault. The narcissist gets you overanalysing everything, overthinking about what their intentions towards you are. They were so loving, so kind, so helpful. You want to stop worrying, yet you can not help yourself. All the fantastic things they’ve said and done, all the wonderful things they used to put all over social media. For now, they have stopped.
You don’t want to worry, yet something in your gut is telling you that all is not right, either you’ve not been with them long, so don’t want to bring up any concerns, don’t want to come across as insecure, or you’ve been with them a while and fear the reactions you might receive if you do bring it up. So you put more self-doubt onto you, are you overreacting? Are you reading to much into everything?
Once you’re feeling vulnerable, they can start with the discard, doing this to you through social media with everything else they do, is just another tactic to draw you in, then leave you with self doubt.
So If you see any of these signs if you’re still in a relationship with someone you believe is a narcissist. Do not react, or question them, trust your instincts as they are usually right, and the narcissist just wants you to react. Or did you see any of these when you were with them?
1. They may start to remove some of their tags on posts you’ve tagged them into, not many to begin with, as time goes on they remove more and more. So you start getting anxious and may start checking your profile more, to see if any more have been untagged. If you ask them, they’ll either know nothing about it, blame it on your eyesight, say it’s some sort of mistake. More gaslighting with phrases like “ you’re insecure, stop reading into things.” which is why it’s always best to give yourself the reality check and not go to them.
2. They might block you for an hour then unblock, and they might block you for a day or two, then unblock. If you ask them, they will act all surprised and say it’s the websites fault. They will re-add you. Leaving you wondering for it was a mistake or not.
3. They may cause an argument, to provoke a reaction from you then they go into the silent treatment, disappear on you and block you.
4. Frequent likes on someone else’s profile. That someone else being of the same sex as you. No comments yet. More than likely, this will be someone you do not know or haven’t even met. If you start to look through this personal profile, you’ll discover that recently they’ve liked a lot of their photos or status updates, the narcissist might be trying to triangulate, or they may be lining up your replacement. This leaves you again questioning what is happening and who the other person is, this helps with their smear campaigns if you start asking the other person questions, the narcissist will not say what they did to cause you to find answers, they’ll just tell people things like ”they are crazy, and they are stalking me. ”
5. They might suddenly add one of their old crazy exes as a friend. You find this very strange, but do not want to ask as you don’t want to look insecure, or cause rage. You see no messages or no likes between them, but you’re left thinking, who asked who? Why are they friends again?
6. You wake in the morning before they go into your social media, you notice they were active a few hours ago, what were they doing on a 3 in the morning? Or who were they talking to? They may have been, or if they know you’re looking at stuff, they might have just set the alarm to go on, knowing you’ll be up before them and looking, just to play more mind games with you.
7. Then you may start to notice the narcissist leaving nostalgia, comments on someone’s wall. Yet they’ve never mentioned this person or things they did with them.
8. They may start posting things like “ I’m not alone, so why do I feel so lonely?”
9. There was a time when you did something together, and they tag you on social media. Not anymore.
10. If you post something tagging them, it doesn’t appear on their timeline, they’ve changed their settings, so they have to approve it first.
They want you thinking about it, stuck with that thought of wanting to know, and not wanting to be overreacting, and they want you to spend time, looking and seeing what happens, so your thoughts are on them.
If you are out, block them and their friends and family, go start a fresh new happier life for you.
Join me on social media.
Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.
free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.
Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Video to help you learn how to detach your thoughts from the narcissist.
updated information on the narcissist and social media.
Going no contact.