Overcoming narcissist abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw.
Changing your mindset after narcissist abuse.
You may have changed your thoughts and feelings so many times for the narcissist, losing who you once were in the process. Nows the time to change, your thoughts and feelings for you.
Changing your mindset is different to changing your mind, you can change your thoughts to change the outcomes in your life, whilst doing this, it’s ok to change your mind if something didn’t go quite how you wanted it to.
It is ok for you to change your thoughts, your belief systems and your opinions, it is a growth mindset, growth is one of the fundamental needs of humans, it’s also ok if some of those around you don’t agree with the new you, be kind but understanding the haters and naysayers have their own insecurities, there opinions and negativity are for them, they are not for you. it is now about putting you first, true friends that want to see you happy will see the change as a positive one, they’ll stay with you, guide and help you, they’ll also respect others rights to have their own opinions and beliefs.
It’s vital to change your thought process after a narcissist relationship, to help you recover and heal. You might have just had a one-time relationship with a narcissist, or you may have grown up with a narcissist parent, or your life pattern might be one narcissist relationship to another. If it’s a pattern and you had a narcissistic parent, your mind has been programmed by them over a long period of time. To think certain ways that were harmful to your inner self. Most of the time you’ve trained yourself to think and act the way you do as a survival technique for yourself.
You may now care, way too much about what others think of you when you care too much about what others think, you start living your life around other people and stop loving it for yourself. All that time you were manipulated and abused, you lost your sense of self. You lost who you were, trying to please those around you. Nows the time to stop people pleasing, stop worrying what others think, start concentrating on what you think, what you feel, what you believe in. Think about you’re choices, what you want from life, allow yourself to think about you.
You may have anxiety and your mind might be racing away with itself when so much goes around your mind like when you were with the narcissist, you end up exhausted. When you’re out of the relationship, your mind will be replaying, everything from, why didn’t I see sooner? No, they’re not really a narcissist? It was my fault? What could I have done better? Back to, they are a narcissist, That’s why I see why I missed it, I tried everything I could, then back to. Did I do everything? And it’s going on.
Stop when this happens, breathe. Ask yourself. is really helping you? If the is no. Then let it go.
Fear, through manipulation, the narcissist probably got you, walking on eggshells through fear,( I do have a blog on this.) for fear of reactions, you may feel stuck and paralysed because of that fear, the fear is in your mind, courage starts in the heart, so give yourself some courage. You might be terrified of dating again after being in a narcissist relationship, just ease yourself back in slowly. Heal yourself, give yourself the courage to go on one date and see how it goes, if you have social anxiety now, just start by going to one event, that’s not far away and only an hour or two long. Albert Einstein said. “ you can not solve problems, by using the Same thinking you used when you created them. “
So you really need to transform your thinking and how you talk to yourself, to change your perspective and change your life.
If you’ve grown up with narcissistic abuse, you’ve probably been taught the world is a very negative place, you may have been told. “It’s not possible.” Or “you can not do that”. “ that’s not going to happen.” Even “ give up and stick with what you know.” That negativity, keeps you locked on a circle of negativity and stops you from living your own life. You need to start believing, that you can, you are worthy, it is possible,
If someone had said 1000 years ago that we would have TVs and phones, flying through the sky, most would have thought impossible, yet there is those who believed, tried time and time again until they made the impossible. Possible. You’re also allowed to make mistakes, don’t be hard on yourself, just learn from them.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, there were those that didn’t believe he could, yet that didn’t stop him. Thomas Edison said it took 1000 attempts to invent the light bulb, a thing we think is so simple and use every day. These were once thought of as impossible, yet we now use them every day, thanks to people’s hard work, drive, determination, not listening to those around them, learning from mistakes, until they achieved what they set out to do.
If you can see another human doing something and put your mind to it, you can do it too. It’s time to put you first and achieve what you want for you. Start telling yourself, you can do it’s.
After a narcissist you may have brain fog, not being able to think clearly, a lot of confusion. Being honest with yourself and facing the truth, will start giving you clarity. Start asking yourself “who am I.” And “ what do I want.” Then keep going until you find the answers for yourself, take advice from others to help, but only use what works for you and your wants.
So change your thinking and gain new perspectives, if you don’t know who you are right now. ask yourself. “ who do I want to be?” And “ who am I” you need to change your level of thinking to I can, then you need to take action and keep going until you do, baby steps at first laying the foundations, you’ll soon start to see you’re making the impossible, possible. The more you change, the more you’ll want to change.
Lose that negative mindset, negative creates negativity. Positive thinking creates positive thoughts.