What A Narcissist Actually Feels.

Understanding the emotional landscape of a narcissist can be challenging, as their feelings and behaviours are often shrouded in manipulation and deceit. While we can never fully know what another person feels, especially someone with narcissistic tendencies, we can piece together a picture based on their actions, the nine characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and testimonies from those few narcissists who openly discuss their experiences.

One common insight into narcissists’ emotional states is their tendency to project their own feelings and actions onto others. For instance, if a narcissist unjustly accuses you of cheating or lying, it often reflects their own behaviour or intentions. This can be seen as a confession of their true character, revealing what they are doing, considering doing or deeply fearing. Projection serves multiple purposes: it deflects blame, protects their fragile self-image, and shifts the focus away from their own vulnerabilities.

Narcissists are particularly fearful of abandonment, which drives them to engage in coercive, controlling behaviours. By making those around them dependent on them, they attempt to secure their position and avoid the pain of being left alone. This fear of abandonment is one of the few emotions that may genuinely touch them, even as they go to great lengths to deny or suppress it.

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.

While narcissists are capable of putting on an impressive show of positive emotions—happiness, empathy, love—these displays are often mere acts. They have learned what these emotions look like from observing others and can mimic them convincingly. However, their ability to genuinely feel these emotions, especially in a way that considers the well-being of others, is severely limited. They lack the deep empathy that allows most people to truly connect with and care for those around them.

Even narcissists who are less self-aware—those who might not fully understand who they are or why they behave as they do—are conscious of feeling different from others. They know, on some level, that their emotional responses are not like those of the people around them. They may understand the impact of their actions on others, but they are generally indifferent to this impact unless it directly affects them. Their primary concern is how their behaviour influences their own lives, and they are adept at using manipulative tactics, like gaslighting, to maintain their sense of superiority and avoid responsibility.

Control is central to a narcissist’s emotional world. They believe they are superior to others and entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it. This sense of entitlement fuels their need to control those around them, which in turn gives them a sense of power. This power is highly addictive, driving them to continue manipulating and dominating others to maintain their sense of certainty and control. It’s not just about getting what they want—it’s about proving to themselves and others that they are in charge.

The emotions that narcissists do feel intensely are primarily negative: shame, envy, anger, and resentment. They hold grudges against those who have wronged them, real or imagined, and they are constantly seeking to provoke reactions from others. These reactions serve to affirm their power and shift the blame away from themselves, allowing them to escape feelings of shame and inadequacy. Unfortunately, this cycle of provoking and controlling others also causes them to harm themselves, perpetuating their inner turmoil and dissatisfaction.

When narcissists are criticised, they often react with intense anger or passive-aggressive behaviour like sulking or giving the silent treatment. Criticism threatens their carefully constructed self-image, leading them to lash out in an attempt to restore their sense of superiority. They may devalue or belittle others, using these tactics to pull others down and make themselves feel better. By baiting others into reacting, they can then blame the other person for any conflict, thereby avoiding responsibility for their own behaviour.

Narcissists’ negative emotions and grudges are deeply rooted in their belief that anything wrong in their lives is someone else’s fault. They cannot accept that their actions might be the cause of their problems, so they project blame onto others. When they are not the centre of attention, they feel resentment and frustration, particularly if they cannot manipulate those around them to do what they want. They experience envy when others have something they desire, like a nicer house or car, and hatred when someone walks away from them, interpreting it as abandonment rather than a consequence of their own abusive behaviour.

Positive emotions like happiness, joy, and empathy are alien to narcissists in the way most people experience them. They may feel a twisted sense of satisfaction or “duper’s delight” when they successfully deceive or manipulate someone, but this is far from genuine happiness. Their emotional responses are often limited to what benefits them directly, and they are emotionally paralysed when it comes to feeling sympathy for others.

Narcissists learn to mimic positive emotions by observing those around them. They understand what these emotions look like and what they mean to others, so they know how to act the part. However, this mimicry is superficial. For example, they might laugh along with others if they are the ones who made the joke, but they feel jealous and resentful if someone else gets the laughs and attention. They want all the praise and recognition for themselves and view others’ success or happiness as a slight against them.

This envy can lead to seemingly inexplicable outbursts. You might be at a joyful event, like someone else’s birthday party, and everything is going well when suddenly the narcissist causes an argument or a scene. This behaviour stems from their envy that the attention is not on them and their need to regain control by provoking reactions from others. By doing so, they shift the focus back to themselves, even if it means ruining a positive experience for everyone else.

So, how do you handle a narcissist? The best approach is to distance yourself—physically, emotionally, or both. Implementing a “no contact” rule or practising “grey rock” (remaining unemotional and unresponsive) can be effective strategies. Narcissists thrive on reactions from others, so by refusing to engage with their manipulative tactics, you take away their power. You cannot change them, but you can protect yourself by walking away and focusing on your own well-being.

If you’re seeking revenge, the best way to achieve it is to live well. Narcissists will struggle to cope with losing control over you and will hate the fact that you are no longer reacting to their provocations. However, be cautious, as many narcissists will escalate their behaviour when they sense they are losing their grip on you. Prioritise your safety and well-being above all else.

In summary, narcissists are complex individuals who feel a limited range of emotions, primarily negative ones. They lack genuine empathy and are driven by a need for control and validation. By understanding their emotional landscape and protecting yourself from their manipulative tactics, you can break free from their influence and live a healthier, happier life.

Check these out!

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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