What do narcissistic people actually feel?
Although we can never honestly know what another feels, we can work from those few diagnosed narcissists who speak out, the nine characteristics of the disorder. The way in which they treat others, to draw an idea of how narcissists genuinely feel.
We often say what a narcissist accused you of, or accuses others of is a confession of their true character, therefore if they accuse you of cheating, they are often cheating, if they accuse you of lying, they are usually lying, this can be one of a few things. First, it can be a confession of what the narcissist is doing, or they are thinking of doing, it can be a projection of their true behaviour or intentions, it can also be an admission to their core vulnerabilities and insecurities, so if the fear you cheating, they’ll accuse you of cheating, why they often use coercive controlling behaviour to make those around them dependent on them as the narcissist themselves fears abandonment.
When it comes to most forms of emotion that people normally feel narcissists at times, seem dead, yes they can put an amazing act on, they have learned from others what it looks like to portray healthy, positive emotions. However, a narcissist does not feel the usual empathy with regards to those around them, at least not in the way those who genuinely care for others do.
Narcissists have an awareness, even those on the lower end of the spectrum the ones that do not know who they are, or what they are doing. Have an understanding of the fact they feel different from others. They understand and have an awareness of what they do to others and how it affects them, they simply lack the empathy to care for how their behaviour affects others, only how exposure of their behaviour would have negative consequences on themselves, as they believe themselves to be right, they’ll go through many manipulative gaslighting methods to prove themselves right and all others wrong.
Narcissists like to be in control they believe themselves to be superior. They believe they’re entitled to have what they want, with whoever they want, whenever they want, therefore they feel great power, when they get people to please them, it gives them a great supply of energy and drives them forward to continue. It is a necessity for them to feel this great power, as it’s also highly addictive it drives their need for certainty that they can be the puppet master of others lives. Emotions that they do feel. Shame, envy, hate and anger, resentment, nothingness, they hold many grudges against others, which is why they need to gain reactions from people to not only feel powerful & recognised, but to shift the blame so they can escape those feelings of shame, not realising the more they control and hurt others, not only are they hurting others, they’re hurting themselves, narcissists continually need to seek supply from others to distract them from the pain of their true selves.
Narcissists feel the harshness when people criticise them, often why they rage, or those passive-aggressive sulks and silent treatments. When criticised they feel threatened, why they then abuse others, devalue others, pull others down to feel better within themselves, they then bait others into reacting, so they can blame the other person for reacting to escape accountability for their own behaviour.
When it comes to a narcissist they hold negative emotions and grudges as anything wrong within their life to them isn’t their doing, it’s always someone else’s fault in their minds. When they are not the centre of attention, they feel resentment. They feel frustrated when they can not make people do exactly as they want. They feel great envy when they see people with a better house or car. They feel hatred for those who walk away from them as they believe the other person has abandoned them, one of their worst fears coming true. However, they don’t recognise their abuse to be the problem; they think you’ve turned against them.
They do not feel emotions like happiness, joy, sadness, empathy etc. Not in the same way we do, as they get these by exploiting others, by taking from others, by bringing those around them down, they feel a smugness, often why they smirk, that duper’s delight is their happiness, when they’ve got one over on someone. They have emotional paralysis. They do not feel sympathy for those around them. Only the woe is me for themselves.
They see and learn from those around them what these emotions look like. They can engage and know what these feel like to you. They simply can not handle it within themselves.
As for laughter, they will laugh along with others if it’s something they’ve said to make people laugh. Again they are aware of what laughter looks like, and what it means to others, so they know how to act. They get jealous of people around them are laughing because others told a joke, and not laughing at the narcissist’s remark, envious they’re not the centre of attention, envious they’re not getting all the praise; they hate seeing others get the praise they take it as criticism towards them and want it for themselves.
Have you ever been on a lovely day out, someone else’s birthday party, all is going well then out of nowhere they’ll cause an argument or a scene over nothing, it’s because they feel envy that it’s not about them, that they’re not making everybody happy this is simply done to get a reaction and emotions from you. So they themselves can gain their power back.
How to handle?
The best thing to do is simply walk away and make your life great. No contact or grey rock. You can not help them. You can help you. If you’re after revenge, this is the best as they will never be able to live as you do. They can not love as you do, they hate losing attention from others, and they’ll hate not getting any reactions from you. Always be careful and stay safe, many narcissists will up their games when you no longer play them.
Two sides to a narcissist after no contact.
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The narcissist’s illusion.