Steps to help you co parent with a narcissist.
Limit contact. For your children limit contact as much as you possibly can with them, the less time they spend with them the less mind games the ex can play with them, do not allow face time, emails, phone calls when the children are in your care, give them free time to learn and grow,
For you. Do not react to what they try to do at all to them, let it go, concentrate on your children and yourself. Messenger is great as you can put them into the ignore box, the. You’re not reading messages from them.
When you need to message them about children make sure your happy within yourself so you can handle and not respond to anything they said. You can not win an argument with these people via words. You can by staying silent they hate that they are not getting to you.
Prepare for them to step up their game, stick to your own boundaries and routine, stay strong.
Avoid conflict, especially in front of the children, stick to no answers or one word answers. I they say things in front of the children to you. Just say “ that’s not nice” then leave it do not engage in a conversation.
Maintain control. Never ever show them how they’ve made you or your children feel.
Narcissist feel like they have won if they get a reaction from you. They will continue to get these reactions by any means they can.
Educate yourself on them, when you have the knowledge you have the power.
Be prepared, when you know you will see them, talk to yourself kindly, dance to some good music to lift yourself, remain calm and unemotional with them.
Get as much as you can on writing, make arrangements via messages or email, you have evidence then of them cancelling plans if they ever want to drag you to mediation or court.
Be assertive in creating good boundaries, the narcissist will see this as aggressive, what the narcissist thinks is not your problem. Do not engage in conversation with them about what or why you are doing it. They will use this against you. You are creating these boundaries to provide consistency that you and your children need to be happy and healthy.
Do not admit any mistakes to the narcissist, and don’t be to hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, a narcissist will use these against you Amy way they can.
Put you and your children first, no matter what the narcissist is throwing at you. A narcissist will never put the children first, they will simply use them to gain empathy or aggression from you.
Be a good role model for your children, children can survive and thrive with on healthy parent. Show and tell them that although they can not control what others say and do they can control themselves, teach your empathy and kindness. Do not bad mouth the narcissist to your children, they’re more than likely doing that about you to the children. As the children spend the most time with you. Teach the children the right way to behave by not bad mouthing.
Compensate for the Narcissist neglect on the children, narcissist do not have emotion connections with their children, therefore they neglect their children’s needs and put their own first. The children can feel emotionally neglected by the other parent, compensate by re assuring the children how many people they are loved by, what good kind helpful people the children are. Always try to speak positive to your children.
Encourage your children’s individual interests, join clubs and activities, be prepared that the other parent may not want to take them to these if it’s on their time, so make sure you arrange for days you have them.
Parallel parent. Have set days and times for pick up and drop off.
Do not get involved with what the children are doing whilst they are with the narcissist parent. Just parent your own way when the children are with you. Minimise contact between yourself and the other parents, grey rock method.
If your children need extra help see the doctor or phycologist, this also teaches children they are allowed to have feelings, it validated the children’s feelings, it lets them know no matter what they can reach out and be heard, they need reinforcement with this, as they’ll often feel unheard around the narcissist parent.
If you need help ask for it, nothing wrong with asking and it’s the first step to a better you. Get yourself a great life coach if needed and become the best possible you, for you and your children.