Narcissistic people can be some of the most frustrating people to deal with, as they believe they’re always right one of the best methods to deal with narcissistic people is don’t, go no contact and leave them to it; however, this isn’t always possible so just how do you deal with narcissistic people that you can not cut out of your life.
One method is to not offend the narcissist. Far easier said than done, narcissistic people tend to be highly sensitive and have fragile egos, not that they’ll admit to this. So never outsmart the narc, never get the better of a narcissist and never defeat the narcissist, at least not while they’re in your company or where they can seek to sabotage you or take revenge on you, be careful around those who lack empathy, there is no low they won’t go to get one over on you if they believe you got one over on them.
Narcissistic people are incredibly envious people, so by simply being yourself around them can trigger their envy, and they seek to ruin things for you. Being yourself, you can outsmart or outshine a narcissist because you’re an individual with different talents; however narcissistic people seek to be the best of everything, so they seek to take from you what you have, or if they can not take it or take the credit for it, they seek to destroy it for you.
You want to avoid offending narcissistic people. By knowing more than them, this offends them. Having something they want this offends them, by defeating them this offends them. Narcissistic people take things personally.
Be extremely careful navigating yourself around narcissistic people. They lack the compassion to care for you. Be careful around those who lack empathy.
Never suppress who you are to impress who they are, which is what you need to do around narcissistic people. Suppress yourself just enough not to outsmart them so that they can notice. However, in the long term being around a narcissistic person will suppress who you are, which has detrimental effects on who you are as a person. Therefore never suppress who you are to impress them. Suppress who you are around them in order to protect yourself, know your reason why, and don’t lose touch with who you are. Why limited contact is always best to get the space to be who you want to be. Just limit the information you give them about yourself, limit the communication and limited time, and let them do the talking, but don’t do much listening. They’ll soon leave you alone and find someone who will stroke their ego, say things like ok, good for you, but don’t get drawn into a conversation. When they ask what you’ve been up to, it’s something like “nothing much.” They’re either after information they can use against you, information to sabotage you, or information to invalidate you. They’re not interested in what you’re doing. They’re interested in what they can use against you.
When dealing with insecure people, and not all insecure people, Narcissistic people can be some of the most insecure people you could ever meet. When around insecure people that have a sense of entitlement, are extremely exploitative and lack empathy, the last thing you want to do is bring out their insecurities, as that often triggers them to go into the survival mechanisms of fight mode, where they’re going to attack you to feel better about themselves, they’re going to fight back to punish, win and control you, because they’re not in control of their own emotions they want to control yours.
You can have people with insecurities that try to help others do better. You can have people with insecurities that turn to the survival fawn and go all out to please others. They might take flight and become obsessive in other areas of their life. They might freeze and avoid situations. There are many different ways people respond to their own insecurities, especially when their insecurities are triggered with narcissistic people who are envious, self-entitled, exploitative and lack empathy. When their insecurities are triggered, they are placed into a state of fear, and that fight survival mechanism kicks In within them, and they seek to punish you. They seek to hurt you, and there’s plenty of evidence within this as a narcissist will go all out to invalidate you, they’ll go all out to discredit who you are, discredit your thoughts, feelings and opinions if it doesn’t match those of the narcissists or what the narcissist wants. They will go all out to devalue you. They’ll go all out to make you feel like you are not enough, like you’re worthless. They will go all out to criticise you, so you no longer trust within your own thoughts and feelings. You no longer trust your own beliefs, values or opinions because the narcissist will suppress any of those within you that don’t match those of the narcissists to feel better about themselves.
It’s nothing about who you are, what you have or haven’t done. It’s the narcissist’s own inadequacies, the narcissist’s own insecurities, playing out in a format that they have to suppress who you are to feel better about who they are.
A Narcissist will judge you, a narcissist will go all out to rain on your parade because they don’t want you to outshine them, it hurts them, and it hurts them to a point where they must punish you, which shows because when you do better than a narcissist they seek to pull you down, mock you, judge you, sabotage you, or even take the credit for the things you’ve done. A Narcissist will have a subtle dig to chip away at your self-confidence. When you are perceived by a narcissist to be doing better than them, they can’t handle it. Their fragile ego can not take it. When you are perceived by a narcissist as having something better than them, they’ll gossip about it, discredit it, and ruin it. They’re going to criticise it, pull it down, and tear it to pieces because they are envious of it. They can’t think, wow, I’d love to do that, I’d love to have that, what can I do to achieve that? Narcissistic people think you stole it from them, and they want it back. They believe they deserve it more than you, so they seek to take it from you or destroy it for you, which is why you should never tell a narcissist information about yourself.
Sharing your good news with a narcissist never goes well as it questions who they are, their sense of superiority, it crushes their ego, even sharing bad news a narcissistic person can not take it, you can not achieve more than them, or have suffered worse than them, they seek all the admiration, attention and support, narcissistic people don’t like anyone taking the limelight away from them.
If something tragic happens, In your life. You’re taking the sympathy away from the narcissist, which questions their sense of belonging. It places the narcissist into their fear zone, why they fight back with how they’ve suffered far more than you, lived through far worse than you. So that the narcissist can become the victim to gain the sympathetic attention from you. This isn’t two genuine people having a mutual conversation to share and understand each other’s feelings to validate each other and help each other through. This is a narcissist suppressing your feelings to outshine you with theirs, you can not win with narcissistic people, they’re not looking to understand you, they’re looking to control you, you can not outshine a narcissist.
If you can not go no contact with a narcissist, it needs to be limited contact, don’t inform them of anything, don’t tell them what you are doing, what you’ve accomplished or what you’re going through if you have to tell them because they’d find out another way. They’ll react to not being informed, do it in a way of asking for their advice, not to take their advice on board, to make them feel superior, things like, this happened to me today do you have any advice, have you ever experienced this, to pull them into a conversation they believe they’re in charge of, as the more a narcissist does the taking, the more you learn about who they are as a person to distance yourself from them and find people who are supportive of you as you are to others. It does need to be limited contact around narcissistic people, as the more you are around them, the more they’ll suppress you, the more they’ll trigger your emotions, the more they’ll push your buttons to trigger you into reacting to them, so they can play the victim and blame you. Narcissistic people are looking for the drama, and the more suppressed we are, the more likely it is we’ll react, and as we take responsibility for our actions, we’re then the ones left feeling bad for acting out of character. We know that’s not a side of us we like within ourselves. We then, in turn, try to make it up to the narcissist when the narcissist provoked the worst within us. The narcissist then sees us as less than, reinforcing their belief that they are superior.
Reacting to a narcissist never solves anything. In the long run, they feel superior, and we feel worse.
Letting a narcissist think you’re naive, letting them believe they know better, letting them think it was their idea, that you couldn’t have done it or got through it without them, even if you could, stroke their ego, makes them feel superior, especially narcissistic parents the best thing you can do, with narcissistic parents, is let them believe you couldn’t have achieved without them while holding onto your truth, you will often find narcissistic parents don’t like their children doing better than them unless they can take the credit to brag and boast about them, they get their talent from me, they get their looks from me, if it weren’t for me, if I hadn’t done this for them, they wouldn’t be doing what they’re doing now. So when you can not escape a narcissist or needing to find a safe way out, let them think something was their idea.
If you win against a narcissist at a game and you speak up about it in front of others, a narcissist will criticise you, judge you, and claim you were lying or cheating. Narcissistic people want to invalidate that experience for you, to make you feel bad, hopefully getting people to laugh at you, so the narcissist feels better about losing to you. So if you bring something up, claim they taught you everything you know, if it wasn’t for them, stroking the narcissist’s ego, and shut it down at the same time, as they can’t then disrespect you, as they’d be disrespectful of themselves when you’ve just claimed they taught you.
It’s about rubbing the narcissist’s ego the right way, not being cruel, to speak to them on a level they understand so that you don’t set off their insecurities, so they don’t feel a need to punish you.
Learning and understanding how they work, so you can respond in a maner that’s not going to intimidate them, not going to set them off on the spiral of punishing you, not placing fear in them, so they no longer hurt you.
No longer be the victim of the narcissist’s insecurities and remaining in control of the issues they might cause you and the issues within you. Sometimes we like to take credit for our own achievements. No wrong in that; however, if someone is going to react in a negative way to punish you for that, sometimes you have to play the game on a level they understand to avoid falling victim to their insecurities avoiding falling victim to their issues by remaining in control of your own.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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