When you’re trying to have a conversation with a narcissist about something they disagree on, something they promised and then changed their mind about, something you’ve achieved and they don’t want to know, have you noticed how they’ll bring an experts opinion in that matches their opinions to invalidate yours? Claim “If only you’d have done this.” then they would have done that, or “I never said that.” or “Anyone could do that. It’s nothing special. I suppose that makes you better than me. You could only do it because I supported you.” Then the narcissist will bait you into reacting, so you feel a need to apologise to them. They can then act all smug as they walk off humming or singing away to themselves because they know they got you going.
A narcissist often feels smug over the pain they have caused you, or they’ve got a way with something they shouldn’t be doing, or they have great satisfaction in the fact they’ve done something others don’t know anything about, or they’ve humiliated you, shamed you, invalidated you. This shows on one level that narcissists are aware of what they’re doing, whether that’s on a conscious level or subconscious, depending on the narcissist and what they’ve done.
The narcissist often feels contempt. The meaning of contempt is a despising or lack of respect, full disobedience, with an intense dislike. Narcissists feel contempt as they believe they are superior to all others and think they’re entitled to control and take advantage of others. They think if people aren’t doing what they want, they believe that others are then worthless or beneath them, as a narcissist lacks in empathy. They have a complete disregard for how their actions might have affected those around them, only how the actions of others affect the narcissist themselves or when a narcissist feels happiness and pleasure in the pain or suffering of another.
Narcissists like their egos to be stroked. They do for others to receive something in return. When they don’t get the credit, praise or eternal gratitude, they believe they’re entitled to this damages their ego, and they seek to punish you. Once they’ve hurt you, they feel better within. They feel a sense of pride and smugness. That self-serving satisfaction that they got one over on you.
A narcissist feels superior to others. If your point of view doesn’t match theirs, they seek to bring you down. You can say something that doesn’t match their beliefs, and they’ll eye-roll you or let out a heavy sigh to make you feel inferior to get you to question and doubt yourself.
If you’ve achieved, the narcissist wants to dismiss your achievements or take credit for them.
A narcissist will not acknowledge their own weaknesses, mistakes, and vulnerabilities. However, they’ll happily point out all of yours. Once you feel frustrated, hurt, or judged, once they get you all defensive because the narcissist is incredibly offensive, they’ll walk off humming or singing. They’ll fall silent to infuriate you, so you react to them. They can play the victim, blame you to feel better about themselves and get their ego stroked as you do all you can to make it up to them for the very thing they’re doing to you.
When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, we have to recognise who they are and what their behaviour is telling us. We have to step away from how they once made us feel about them with their love bombing, future faking and mirroring, and recognise how they make us think, unhappy, confused, hurt, not enough, self-doubt, frustration, pain, anger and resentment, we have to recognise we are never going to get those who only want us to see their point of view to see ours. As much as we might be able to see theirs, we don’t have to change ours to suit them, especially when they are unwilling to meet us halfway when things have to be their way and their way only.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to detach yourself from them emotionally. When they can no longer control your emotions, they lose control over you. No contact or, if that’s not an option, limited contact and grey rock.
They might be able to provoke thoughts and feelings within you. You have to take control over what those thoughts and feelings are telling you. Your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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