Can you forgive a narcissist for everything they put you through?
Do you want to forgive them and move forward with your own life?
You are an individual. First of all, forgiveness is for yourself, only forgive if you want to forgive. You have to forgive your own mistakes before you forgive the other party, don’t forget them, learn from them and take those lessons with you. You never know when you might need them. Forgiving yourself is to let the pain of the past go.
How do you forgive someone who’s not even sorry? How do you forgive someone who hurt you so much and continues to try to do so?
You are an individual. If you want to forgive them or not is up to you. Again forgiving them is not for them. You can not tell them you forgive them. They don’t see themselves as the problem. You forgive them for you. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t make their actions towards you right. Forgive them for you. Let them go on their own path in life without you while you move forward in your future, much happier without them.
When we spend our life holding grudges against others, that did us wrong. It can keep us locked in that negative mindset and the past. Forgiveness is always for you to move on and create a better future for yourself. When we don’t forgive, they can still have a hold over our thinking. When we forgive those who seek to harm us, they no longer have any control over us. When we can learn to no longer care about the things they did to us, it releases the pain of our past hurts, so we can heal and move on, is it easy? Not always. Do we want to? Not all of us. Is forgiveness worth it? Yes.
You can not forgive what you don’t understand. Understanding what makes narcissists do what they do, it will never excuse their abusive ways towards others. Forgiveness doesn’t mean they are not accountable for their actions, even if they don’t see that they are. When we understand they have a personality disorder, when we understand something made them that way, and they can not change, when we understand they have a problem, they have an addiction, that even most of them themselves do not understand.
We will understand that they think, feel and behave very differently from us, and they can not change. They can not be fixed, as you’ve probably tried time and time again to help them. We can not expect a Nokia 3310 to work the same as an iPhone 12. Neither can that Nokia change into an iPhone, even if it comes packaged in an iPhone box. Once we understand they are not who they made themselves out to be, we adjust our expectations of them, what they are and are not capable of doing and understanding within themselves.
When we understand the narcissist’s level of capacity for understanding, when we learn not everyone has the capability to change, the capacity to love or be loved, the capacity to have empathy for others, that not everyone has the capacity to understand their faults and to take action to change them.
When we expect someone to love others who are incapable of love, we will be the ones that are left feeling frustrated and hurt for the rest of our life, so we have to understand, they are incapable of loving themselves as they do not know who they indeed are, they are incapable of loving others, and they are incapable of caring for others.
They can only fake it, and that falseness cannot last. For something to last, it needs to be meant.
When we expect someone to take on board our thoughts and our feelings which they can not even understand their own, when we expect someone to think on that gallon level but only have the capacity to think on a pint-size level, we will be frustrated for the rest of our life.
When we understand them for who they are, forgive them for not being able to do anything about it, forgive ourselves for not understanding, then we can move forward with our own life of inner peace and happiness. You can, if you want to build yourself back up, be happy, something you have to understand they will never be able to do. Forgiveness is for you, and only you. As to a narcissist, they will never be the problem.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.), where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Why they are never sorry.