Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
All relationships are about to give and take; sometimes it might be 50/50 and others 90/10 depending on if one is more at need at any given time, then it might go to 40/60 and 10/90 or back to 50/50 etc.
Most people do have narcissistic traits, that doesn’t make people a narcissist. So if your friend meets someone, you might see less of them for a while, yet if you were in need, they would be there for you, mutual respect and understanding of each other’s needs. Most friendships survive the odd disagreement or misunderstanding, and healthy friendships understand that, jobs, family and life, can sometimes get in the way, yet even if you’ve been busy for weeks or months without each other when all is going well, you know you could call them in an emergency, and they’d be there as would you them, the give and take, you might often think of each other, meaning to send that message, yet for whatever reason you don’t at that moment, and the next time you remember it’s late at night. Or you might spend most days or weeks together. However, it is, there is that give and take.
Signs of a female narcissist friend.
Female narcissists lack empathy, believe they are entitled and manipulate to exploit others to meet their own needs.
Deep down all Narcissists have an extremely low to possibly even no sense of authentic self, they are often very envious people, they have very fragile egos and are insecure, so they have to mask all of this, by playing victim or being grandiose, covert or overt narcissist, It’s all an act to cover up how damaged they genuinely are and how envious they are of those around them, it’s all a defence mechanism. It’s nothing to do with you, and it is not anything you have done, they have a disorder it’s who they are, the disorder is a reason behind their behaviour, it’s never an excuse to be abusive towards others.
The female friend will use manipulation, and gaslighting, they’ll be charming, they’ll raise you up, they’ll be your soulmate, as we do have many ’soulmates’, a soulmate isn’t just a lover they are people you connect with and have a deeper understanding of each other, unfortunately a narcissist is a con artist so they will match all your likes and dislikes in the idolisation stage, then once you genuinely, love, care and respect them, they’ll deliver you a nightmare and take you for all that you are and all that you have, devaluing you with lies, intimidation and invalidating your opinions, your beliefs, how you dress, what you are capable of or they will put you down and say things like ” I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” or ” I don’t think they like you in that way.” or ”you can not do that.” often then as you pull away they’ll offer that idolisation stage back, so you doubt your instincts, and if you question them like most narcissists it’ll be things like. ”you misunderstood me, it wasn’t like that.” or ” I was just thinking of you.” then words like ”why are you so sensitive.”
The female will most often be obsessed with achievements, status and money, they often want to be successful, although not all are, and those who are not successful, will play the woe is me. ”if only they.” or ”if only you.” always blaming those around them and never looking at their authentic selves. Whatever they have, it’s never enough, and they always want more to try and fill a void they never can, as they are filling it in the wrong way.
They often like to spend money theirs or not, not all, but most female narcissists want to hook up with someone who has money, be it a partner or friend.
Females want to brag and flaunt, everything they’re getting from their male partner. Brag about anything new they have, and put down anything you have achieved.
Most female narcissists want to be the centre of attention, due to needing to feel validated and cover up their low self-esteem. If that’s getting attention by being superior or playing the victim and requiring support, now good people can do well for themselves and if they don’t have at least five of these characteristics they are not a narcissist, or if they need support from a traumatic past if they don’t have at least five, they do possibly just need gentle guidance. The main things to look out for are. Do they lack genuine empathy? Do they exploit others, do they believe that they are indeed entitled, whether they have earned it or not.
Female narcissists believe they are better than everyone else, and people will look up to them and be envious of them.
They are just showing superficial and false things to cover their inner feelings. It’s mostly false.
With a female narcissist, they are often bitchy, and a bully.
Most women will have had a moment of gossiping, and not feeling so good for doing it, that’s normal, we can all gossip. You will have a moment and think, nope I shouldn’t be judging, and gossiping and feel awful for doing so.
With a female narcissist, they will gossip about anyone and everyone they do not care, and they are bully’s, it’s just to make her feel better about herself, you get something new, they’ll get something better, they enjoy bringing others down. Even if they’re not a narcissist someone who consistently puts others down, is basically screaming out their own insecurities.
They will triangulate friends, playing them off against each other to divide and conquer, if you say ”no” they’ll say that ok Susan will, they will tell you that your mutual friend talks about you behind your back. They will try to gossip with you about that person, and then they will try to gossip with then about you.
If a mutual friend asks the narcissist to let you know about an event, they might not let you know, telling that other friend you didn’t want to attend. They will make friends feel uncomfortable around each other, and play the, ”I’m not going if you invite Susan.” then give you a lie on something Susan did, so you believe Susan to be unkind.
Female friends, as most narcissistic people do, enjoy putting others down, to make themselves feel better.
Female narcissistic friends can be passive-aggressive and cut others down because they are jealous of you. Because you’ve got quality’s, they can never have. They can not see the damage they do towards others as their fault, they can’t self-reflect and change themselves, they cannot accept accountability, and they have to blame others. They believe they are perfect, and it’s others that are at fault.
Female Friends are willing to find and to make a golden friend, a scapegoat friend, a forgotten friend, and depending on their need can switch these around.
Female Friends will idolise, devalue, smear and discard.
Female Friends will suck all your happiness from you; they will take all your joy; they will try to send you crazy; they want to take all your qualities and leave you with theirs.
They can spend weeks or months turning up at your home unannounced, wanting to borrow things, chat about their problems, then the next poof they are gone, spending the next few months leeching off another friend, then once they’ve used them up, they’ll be back to drain you.
Conversations often end up being all about them, so if the conversation started about you, whatever is happening in your life, it will soon get turned onto the narcissists life experiences, they will have always had worse, or had better, seen more or done more, say more and know more than you do.
As we grow friends do get busy, good friends will make time for you if needed, they not just swing by to use you.
So to sum up the signs of a female friend on the narcissist Personality Disorder spectrum.
1. They drain you.
2. Their way is the only way.
3. They gossip about others.
4. They put you down.
5. They are never genuinely happy for you.
6. Not there when you need them the most.
7. They never stand up for you.
8. Act like you are attacking them if you offer advice.
9. Their opinions are correct, and all others are invalid.
12. Topics of conversation are usually what they want to talk about.
How to handle narcissistic friends.
1. If you choose to stay friends with someone who could have a narcissistic personality disorder, think about why you want to be friends with them? What do you benefit from that friendship? And what do they? This isn’t to be hurtful to them, and this is to protect yourself and your inner happiness, if you genuinely don’t want to remove them from your life then set realistic expectations, of what you will and will most likely not get from the friendship.
2. Learn to observe their toxic behaviour and not absorb.
3. Set clear boundaries, and once you’ve said no, stick with your no.
4. Don’t defend yourself to them, and they will most often twist the topic and provoke an argument, explain once and only if you need to do so.
5. Don’t take what they say or do personally, remember you did not cause it, you can not change it, and you can not control them, it’s who they are, and as they have every right to be who they are, you have every right to be who you are.
6. Limit the time you spend around them if you are always left drained, or hurt after spending time with them, cut down that time.
7. No contact with a narcissist is always best, sometimes it’s not possible and others it’s hard going no contact, but by removing negative, hurtful people from your life, that bring you down, let you down and continue to hurt you. You can make way for more like-minded friendships.
Whoever the narcissist or narcissists are in your life, the way in which you handle them is the same.
Video on how not to argue.
Video on observing don’t absorb.
Video on no contact.
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