The narcissist’s manipulative discard.
Due to the trauma bonding through all the highs and lows within a narcissistic relationship. Alienated from friends and family, left with CPTSD, you may also have anxiety and health problems, your energy levels may have been drained, you’ve lost who you are, your self-worth, self-love, trust, money, homes, and so much more, a narcissist discard can be incredibly painful and cruel as although you haven’t seen all the mental abuse, they are the one you turn to for support, not that they ever give it. Trying to understand who they even were, trying to understand what’s actually happened, isn’t an easy process. It gets easier, and life gets much happier once you break that trauma bond, build yourself back up and become happy again.
The narcissist gives you no explanation as to why they have left, no closure. Often to add to your confusion, the narcissist will, within days or weeks, have met someone new, or they’ll be with the very person they denied all knowledge about. They’ll usually get a flying monkey to make sure you know about this. You want closure as most people do, human nature to want answers, yet the narcissist will not give you any. Here are the reasons a narcissist discards.
1. The temporary discard. The one where they don’t actually end it, yet they disappear without a word. You may have worked out something that isn’t right. Either someone has been slowly validating your doubts, or you are struggling with reality, and you just know something isn’t right, even though you may not know what. So the narcissist discards you, usually disappearing without a word to upset and confuse you even more. With the trauma bond, you may call and message them, giving them an emotional reaction. During the perceived end of the relationship, you may have stopped reacting to them how you used to and because of financial reasons or children, you’ve not left, or through their intimidation, you’re too scared to leave. They haven’t got a replacement lined up yet, so they understand by disappearing on you is a way to get reactions from you and get you to beg them to come home. Then they know when they reappear, you’ll be grateful the silent treatment is over and shower them with attention, which is all they are after, attention.
2. They’ve driven you to the depths of despair, and you feel like you no longer want to live, consumed with depression and anxiety, you can no longer function on a day to day basis, health problems. All caused by the manipulation and abuse you’ve been suffering from at the hands of the narcissist. During devaluation, they don’t want to completely Finnish you off. Sometimes they do take it too far. Some of us end up having a mental breakdown at the hands of them. Therefore you are no longer meeting any of their needs; they are no longer the centre of attention. They are no longer getting any reactions from you. You need help and support, and they simply do not care for you and will not give it. They will only do so if they have something to gain. So just as you need them the most, they vanish on you.
3. They’ve found a replacement, they may have had affairs in the past, yet now they managed to have idealised and love-bombed someone new whos only giving them positive attention and reactions filling their cup full of holes up, while it’s going good with the new they will up and leave, be careful though when the relationship goes the same way with the new most will come back to hoover you.
4. Exposure, you may have worked them out, as you have empathy you care and love for them, so you’re doing all you can to help, they will start a smear campaign against you fast, before you start reaching out to others. You may have managed to inform people before the narcissist got to them. The narcissist will take this a criticism that you have turned against them. People start taking your side, so they have to leave quick smart as to them they are not responsible, and they will not be held accountable, they believe you’re just out to destroy them, and people are turning against them.
5. You’ve stepped out of the darkness and into the light. You know exactly what they are, what they need and how to destroy them. You no longer fear them, so you fire criticisms at them with no emotions. You want to punish them for all they’ve put you through, and you know exactly how to do it. Yet they’re not going to allow this to happen, and if they can not take you down without risk of taking themselves down, they are going to drop you like a hot potato and run. With no closure given, as you’ll know as you’ve worked out what they are. Be careful, though, as most narcissistic people will seek revenge months or years later.
Once we learn about the narcissist personality disorder, we come to understand their repeated patterns of behaviour are somewhat predictable. As they have a disorder, it’s who they are. Unfortunately, you can not help them.
One of their most significant weaknesses is they feel superior to all others, they feel entitled, and above all others, they want to control all others. So once we do work them out and their patterns of behaviour by observing and not absorbing, it becomes easier to no longer take part in their games.
No longer responding to their games strikes them hard, when they realise they have lost control over our minds, they don’t know what to do, as it’s a disorder on a spectrum, some will up their games, do not respond, leave them to it, some will walk away, changing the story in their own minds, again leave them to it. The best revenge is living well as this is done by not causing them any harm, and with good intentions of creating your own happy life, narcissists just don’t understand how you can move on and live well. They don’t get that it’s not all about them and this hits them hard.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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