Self-help ways to recover from a narcissistic relationship.
When you become more confident within yourself, it becomes second nature to stop allowing negative people in your life.
Days, weeks or for some years have passed, yet you may still feel trapped in your own mind about the past and the toxic relationship. Well, give yourself some credit and praise. You are free, no matter how you got free. It’s a very painful experience to overcome, so give yourself more praise for seeking a way past how you’ve been affected and want to move on.
Stop people-pleasing, start creating boundaries and saying “no.” Learn your values and beliefs, create your boundaries and stick to them, so if someone asks you for help with something in life, you want to go help. If you’re really busy, say. “ I’m sorry, I’ve got something on at the moment. I can help.” then state when you’re free to if you want to help them out. If it’s someone who’s come out of a narcissistic relationship and you were in one too, it’s ok to drop everything and go to them, as you know how much they need you. It’s about you and what and when you want to do things to help others. Say no to those who don’t help you. Help those that do instead, give and take. You can even say, “I’ll let you know tomorrow.” So you can give yourself space and time to think.
Think about what you could be doing if you weren’t people-pleasing, put yourself first and don’t feel guilty for doing it. Yes, it’s a learning curve. It can be hard saying no to people at. First, you will feel uncomfortable saying no. Genuine people who love you will not find this a problem. Only toxic people will react, don’t worry, those are the kinds of people you don’t want in your life anyway. Believe in yourself. You can do it. It will help you with your self-worth. You need to let go of that belief to be liked by everyone, like who you are, then be liked by people who like you for who you are. Be true to yourself.
If you’re not already taking care of yourself physically, start today. When you take care of yourself physically, it can dramatically improve your mental health, get yourself a haircut, try going for a walk, reading, new activities, new hobbies, going back to old hobbies, for some, it might be a step forward of brushing your teeth. After a narcissistic relationship, to some, this can seem like a mammoth hurdle, just jump in and do one, then keep doing it, adding a new step into your newfound self and routine every couple of days.
Remove anything from your home that reminds you of your ex to avoid any unnecessary triggers.
Getting your self-esteem back after the narcissist. Do not feel ashamed, working through those feelings of anger or guilt. You could not see the abuse. The manipulation was out of your control. You went into a relationship with an amazing person and fell deeply in love. They slowly took you apart. You might want to tell people what’s happened, or you may want to stay quiet. Both are ok. Both are normal feelings. Do what’s right for you. If you’re going to tell people do, if you’re going to keep it to yourself, do. Whatever is best for you. Join a support group. If you see it happening to someone else, you can let them know you know exactly how it feels, that you’ll be there for them no matter what. Write a book, do whatever feels right to you, follow your intuition on what’s right for you.
If your worries are, you may fall for another narcissist. Learn the red flags, then take care of yourself. It is about knowing who you are. Yes, we are human, we all make mistakes, we all have good qualities to bring to others too, value who you are. Know your boundaries. Suppose someone cannot accept you for you if they don’t have a different opinion to you if they move way too fast, step away and slow it down.
It’s far better to be alone and love yourself than be with someone who disrespects everything about you. Real love and relationships is hard works at times. It’s give and take. Sometimes it’s 50/50, others it’s 90/10, but the coin flips, so it’s 10/90 then back to 50/50 give and take depending on each circumstance at any given time. It’s about working together. Knowing and respecting that you have different opinions, working on a middle ground, helping each other out. Being there for each other. Not one gives it their all, and the other takes. Staying true to yourself and them staying true to yourself.
Find your passion. Ask, “who am I.” Find what you enjoy doing. What do you enjoy watching? Reading? Playing? Talking about? What have you enjoyed in the past? What would you like in your future? Find what you love in life, then baby steps to reach who you want to be. Learn how to be alone, strong, and whole by yourself. I do have a post on loneliness if you want more information on this.
You can overcome a narcissist relationship and move forward to a more positive happier life.
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
Video on boundaries.