Now you’ve learnt about narcissism. You no longer believe you are a narcissist. You know all that they do, they are most likely a narcissist, yet your missing that one piece, the hoover, they just haven’t bothered to hoover you, you know all the ways they do this, yet your ex-narcissist hasn’t bothered with any hoover.
You may question if they are a narcissist as they are not reaching out, in all the hoover ways you’ve heard about to suck you back in.
If they have five of the traits, they are most likely on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum, if they were abusive, no matter what their personality safely get out and safely stay out.
Some narcissists are simply far too lazy to hoover, like those who didn’t work as they are far too lazy, although if they think it’s easy enough, they will try to hoover.
Narcissistic people believe they are entitled, so if they feel like they always have you even if they are not with you.
Why is the narcissist not coming to hoover you?
You may actually want them to hoover, so you can have it out with them about what’s happened. This is pointless and will only end up with you feeling worse. You may want to lash out at them for how they’ve treated you, this only helps their ego, and they will twist the words to play victim to others.
You may want closure, and they’ll never give it to you. You’ll only feel worse. Work on you instead, you’re inner happiness and giving yourself closure.
You may want the hoover to happen, as you’re still in the trauma bond, you’ve not yet worked on yourself to get over them, and still believe you can help them and make it work. You can not use this time to work on yourself.
You may want to let them know you know exactly what they are, pointless they only believe their own reality. Instead, take your newfound knowledge to stay away from these negative people.
You may want them to hoover, so you can prove how strong you are, and tell them where to go, you are strong, moving forward with your own life proves that, and they may not be Hoovering as they recognise how strong you are, so would they would prefer to dream that you’d always go back, but not risk their own ego by trying.
You may want to sort financial things out or belongings. If they have yours, this is so you communicate to them, cut your losses, sort out your own finances as hard as that can be, they will not be accountable, and they will not help. They’ll just delight in you asking them, same as belongings, just chuck their out, and leave yours be, as hard as that can be.
Depending on where the narcissist is on the spectrum, some have an awareness of this, so they are not forthcoming with the hoover, as they are waiting for you to make the first move to get in touch with them.
Sometimes, they carry on the games to destroy you, the negative hoover, they know they are still in your head, and they are enjoying the negative reactions, which is why it’s vital not to give them any reactions, so they will eventually leave you alone.
They may be stalking you, including your social media with false accounts, to see what their chances are and if it’s worth their time.
They may have called you or messaged you but not respond when you picked up or messaged back. They just wanted to hear the tone of your voice or to see if you’d keep trying to message them back. This is a hoover of gaining emotions and testing the waters.
You may not have hovered directly, and they may have gotten one of their flying monkeys to get in touch with you again to see what your response is. Also, to see if it’s worth their time trying to hoover you.
You may be still constantly contacting them for answers that they feel no need to hoover, as they are gaining emotional responses anyway.
It might be too soon, and they have someone else meeting their needs. It could be years before they come for the hoover.
They may be far too consumed in trying to hoover an ex before you.
You have managed to stay clear of them, avoiding them of all costs, so you’re no longer on their radar to try and hoover you.
You may have made the steps to cut all contact, block all flying monkeys, and they are unable to try and hoover you. This no contact is by far the best option for you, and no hoover makes it far easier for you to move onto a much better life.
Whatever the reason they are not coming for the hoover, be grateful. It makes healing and becoming happy again so much easier.
Keep moving forward with your life. You’ve got this.
The two sides to a narcissist after no contact.
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