Those with the narcissist personality disorder and toxic people enjoy pushing your buttons and provoking you any way they can to gain a reaction from you. They know from the emotional reactions and response you give them whether to keep pushing your buttons are not, some are a little more stubborn than others, like toddlers who don’t know any better, they are toddlers in an adults body, although most toddlers that have tantrums learn and grow out of the tantrums, narcissists don’t seem to manage this. Some narcissists will get the message sooner than others, some don’t seem to get it at all or don’t want to accept it straight away and keep pushing those buttons in the hope you’ll give in, and they get what they want.
If you’re at the start of this, no reaction and no contact is best. If you can not do no contact because of children or you work with them, it’s firm boundaries and remembers it’s ok to say NO, then give no reaction. If you’ve done that and they are upping their games, remember why they are doing it. They don’t like losing control, and the fact you’re not reacting makes them feel worthless, recognise the game they are playing and don’t react to them. Remember always to stay safe.
”No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who’s losing control of someone else mind. ” E.S
Always look calm and collected.
If it’s face to face combat and you feel a need to respond, then respond. Do not react to the vile things they are saying to provoke you. Remember who they are observing them, and knowing their patterns of behaviour, knowing they are only saying things to provoke you, passing their own insecurities off onto you, do not absorb the words, don’t take them personally, don’t defend yourself that’s what they want and why they are doing it. Instead, say things like. “You seem upset all the time. Are you ok?” Or “you seem negative all the time. Are you ok?” And leave them to it, don’t continue a conversation, they’re not looking for compromise, just hit repeat of what you said, as they will try to twist it and turn it onto you. If you repeat the same thing, you’ll watch them get more frustrated that they can not draw the attention or reactions out of you that they want from you.
Don’t argue with a narcissist, whether they know your right or not. They want to watch you going crazy, trying to prove it.
Shut them down by not reacting to what they are saying. If it’s messages, don’t let them take you off-topic, do not respond to whatever they are throwing at you, say it once and leave it. So if it’s things like. ” kids have something on, they’ll be ready at 6.” And they come at you with. “That’s just like you.” You’ve said all that needed to be said do not explain yourself, you already have, and they didn’t listen the first time, they’ll not listen the second or a third. Or when they bring the children home late, pick up late, again act towards them like it’s not bothered you.
Once you learn to do it, you’ll know their games, and it’ll no longer affect you. It takes practice.
At the start, you may need to get your reactions and emotions out, just do not do it in front of or to the narcissist.
You can also use that line in a workplace or with a family member. A narcissist hate’s “You seem upset all the time, are you ok?” Or “You always seem negative, are you ok?” They hate their faults and insecurities being pointed out, and they will want to shift it onto you. Do not go off-topic. That’s what they want.
When you have to communicate with them, make sure you use your best poker face, your face stays straight and keeps your emotions hidden. Always look calm and collected.
Boundaries and no contact is best. If it’s not possible, then do the above with grey rock. You are worth so much more. You will recover and move forward to a much happier life.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Nine phrases to win an argument with a narcissist.