Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder and toxic people, enjoy pushing your buttons and provoking you any way they can to get a reaction from you. They know from the emotional reactions and response you give them Whether to keep pushing your buttons are not, some are a little more stubborn than others, like toddlers who don’t know any better, they are toddlers in an adults body, although most toddlers that have tantrums learn and grow out of the tantrums. Some narcissists will get the message sooner than others, some don’t seem to get it or don’t want to accept it straight away and keep pushing those buttons in the hope you’ll give in and they get what they want.
If you’re at the start of this, no reaction and no contact is best, if you can not go no contact because of children or you work with them, it’s firm boundaries and remember it’s ok to say NO, then it’s no reaction, if you’ve done that and they are upping their games, remember why they are doing it, they don’t like losing and the fact your not reacting makes them feel worthless, remember to always stay safe.
Always look calm and collected.
If it’s face to face and you feel a need to respond, do not react to the vile things they are saying to provoke you. Remember who they are observing them, knowing they are only saying things to provoke you, passing their own insecurities off onto you, do not absorb the words, don’t take them personally, don’t defend yourself that’s what they want and why they are doing it. Instead, say things like. “You seem upset all the time are you ok.” Or “you seem negative all the time are you ok.” And leave them to it, don’t continue a conversation just hit repeat of what you said, as they will try to twist it and turn it onto you. If you repeat the same thing you’ll watch them get more frustrating that they can not draw the reactions out of you that they want from you.
Shut them down by not reacting to what they are saying, if it’s messages, don’t go off topic, do not respond to whatever they are throwing at you, say it once and leave it. So if it’s things like. ” kids have something on, they’ll be ready at 6.” And they come at you with. “That’s just like you.” You’ve said all that needed to be said, do not explain yourself you already have, they didn’t listen the first time they’ll not listen the second. Or when they bring the children home late, pick up late, again act to them like it’s not bothered you.
Once you learn to do it, you’ll know their games and it’ll no longer affect you, it takes practice.
At the start, you may need to get your reactions and emotions out, just do not do it to the narcissist.
You can also use that line in a workplace, or a family member they hate. “You seem upset all the time are you ok?” Or “you always seem negative, are you ok?” They hate their faults and insecurities being pointed out and they will want to shift it onto you. Do not go off topic, that’s what they want.
When you do make sure your face stays straight and keep your emotions hidden. Always look calm and collected.
Boundaries and no contact is best, if it’s not possible then do the above, you are worth so much more. You will recover and move forward to a much happier life.
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