Overcome your anger and resentment.
You feel angry when someone provokes you in some way, often leading to resentment, you have no control over someone else provoking your anger.
How do you handle that? Do you start an argument? Seek revenge? Do you react to it?
You have to learn to control how you respond, as that’s your power.
When we react, it gives us a moments release, yet we can then feel guilt for reacting and often we then blame ourself.
So now you may have learnt not to react or seek revenge when a narcissist pulls a new stunt, does something that causes you to feel angry, it still brings out your anger. You can not control what they do, you can control, how you handle you, how long you hold onto that anger and how you let it affect you.
You go through three emotional feelings when someone provokes you, first is the anger when they provoke you. Then comes the rage when you want to react, then comes the resentment, especially if you reacted, as you feel bad for how you reacted or held onto that anger.
When you understand they have a disorder, narcissist personality disorder, you start to take a step back and reevaluate your perspective on it, they don’t have the emotional intelligence to think or feel like others do, they live in constant fear, and that fear holds them back, that others will view them for who they indeed are, they act out to make you fear them, they do not have the capacity to put themselves in other shoes, they are quite foolish as they can not find their inner happiness, and have to destroy others when you realise this then you will start to pity them, you might want them nowhere near you. But you get to a point you feel sorry for them,
The A teams great MR T “I pity the fool.”
A Definition of pity is, sympathetic sorrow for ones suffering, distress, or unhappiness.
When you pity someone, you lose the anger, you no longer feel the need to react, and you no longer hold the resentment.
You can not control what someone says, but you can always take control of your perceptions and your reactions, it takes work at first, but it becomes easier, and you can hit that point if you have a wish and a drive within yourself to do so.
How to not react? Remember, it will never hurt the other person as much as it hurts you.
How to lose the resentment? Keeping the thought in mind that, when you keep hold of that resentment, you’re allowing someone to live in your mind without paying any rent. Pattern interrupt and shift them straight back out of your headspace.
There is nothing wrong with anger. It’s a human reaction when you’re provoked, served actually to protect you when you react. However, you then feel shame for how you reacted, which lasts a lot longer than that temporary relief from reactions. Narcissists live with that inner shame on a daily basis, why they must project onto others, gain the reaction, blame them for reacting, thus removing the shame from themselves. Yet, it’s only ever a temporary fix, why they continue the cycle of abuse and negativity, never learning, never growing, never healing.
Don’t feel guilty when you feel angry, just process that anger the right way.
They can not fix who they are. You can not fix who they are. You can, however, fix how you feel, for a far happier more full filling life,
It all takes time, it takes work, and it takes effort if you keep going with a mindset of where you want to be you will get there, believe in you.
Always be cautious about the narcissists. Do not ever stop living how you want because of them, but if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail, so always keep your guard up and stay safe, most will not act out, but you do need to be vigilant around those with no empathy.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
Vulnerability and shame