Another thing you absolutely must do to recover after narcissistic abuse is not only losing the self-blame, as it’s not all your fault like the narcissist had told you, yes you may have reacted at times that’s human nature, you have to accept, the part you played, you must also pass responsibility back to the rightful owner for the part they played, except you didn’t get out sooner, be Thankful that you are out now and that you can now move forward with your life.
You also must lose the victim mindset. Yes, you’ve been through a hideous experience. I know that, and I understand how horrible it feels once you first get out; it is just the start of your journey, it gets easier, and it gets better. You need to grieve, the loss of the hopes and dreams you had, accept you can not and will never be able to help them, learn and understand the reality of what actually happened and who they really are, but to move forward, you need to shift out of that victim mindset, as it’ll only hold you back, what helped me do this is focus on the fact, the narcissist will always play the victim, part of the reason they can not find happiness.
You can find your happiness again, so you need to move forward from the victim mindset; we are human we make mistakes, we fail to realise what’s truly happening to us, the most intelligent people get sucked in by these people, and unfortunately, you are far from alone in this.
You have empathy, you care for others on a deep level, you want to help, support, learn and grow, you can see things from others points of view, and that’s an incredible talent to have. Nothing is wrong with this at all, yet you must learn that although you have the ability to do this for others, you need to do this for yourself first, all the effort you put in to help them, you now need to put that effort into helping you.
You have to take yourself to the next level, which means finding the lessons learned from the experience, so you don’t repeat, some of us had narcissistic parents and never understood, meaning you went from one narcissistic relationship to another, accepting those behaviours we should have never accepted, now you have the new-found knowledge and wisdom of those lessons learned, you can move your life forward into a new happier direction.
Developing your knowledge and understanding of what you went through to allow yourself more awareness.
Then going no contact or grey rock means you can start healing; it takes time and works from within yourself, but you can do it, others have before you, and you can show others they can too. Once you forgive yourself and lose that victim mindset, you can begin your journey to rebuilding your self-esteem, self-trust, self-love, learn and create new boundaries for yourself, so you never get into that situation again, learning to trust yourself and tune into your intuition. You can learn to trust those around you, as you’ll have a better understanding, of those who love and care for you and want the best for you, those who respect who you are for who you are, and don’t want to knock you down and walk all over your boundaries to destroy you, any way they can.
You’ll find it second nature to remove toxic people from your life and surround yourself with positive people, where you pick each other up, respect and care for each other.
Creating yourself a whole new belief system by taking responsibility for your actions ( no one deserves to be treated how a narcissist treat others.), but you have to claim back your responsibility, and not all the responsibility as most narcissists leave you feeling like you are solely to blame you were not. Thanking the lesson and creating for you a new belief system on what you want from life now, a new blueprint of where you’d like your life to go now, what direction you want to take now.
If you put no postcode into a sat nav, it’s not going to know where to direct you, so work on creating where you’d like to be six months, two years from now, then know why you want it, and focus on that outcome, you will find a way, you will find the resources so long as you stick to it, it’s ok to take a detour now and again, just keep that new dream in mind, whatever that is for you.
You are not a victim. You just didn’t have the knowledge to understand the situation and what was happening to you until you made it out the other side as a survivor. While you stay in a victim mindset, all the things the narcissist throws your way will only keep you down; once you take back control of your mindset, understanding what they are now trying to do, you’ll have a better coping mechanism within yourself to deal with it all the right way and move forward with your life for you.
Creating yourself a different thought process, perspective helps you move forward to a happier life, as your old thought process and perspectives are what put you where you were.
Now it’s time to listen to people’s actions and not just their words, not make endless excuses for those who hurt others. Help and be kind to those who are kind and are willing to help others.
Only you can take back your power and your control, of your own mindset and the direction you want to take your own life is now.
You can achieve and accomplish anything you put your mind to; once you’re strong enough to take action to make it happen, you can make yourself strong enough; if another human can do something, it’s possible, and you can, and you will do it too.
Keep going; you’ve got this.
Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
Detaching your thoughts.
how narcissists invalidate you.