Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Why do they use the silent treatment?
Most narcissist will use silent treatment against you, some people who are genuinely hurt that are not on the spectrum may fall silent, but they will then talk to you and sort it out, narcissistic people use silent treatment to control you, confuse you, concern you, bewildered you, worry you, manipulate you, often causing anxiety to those the silent treatment is used on, silent has detrimental effects on those who’ve suffered that form of abuse, and as you probably know a narcissist will use it for any given occasion against you.
When my ex-narcissist got caught trying to get it on with his best friends wife. I got the blame for trying to ruin a family, I also then got the silent treatment for a week, even though we had an eight-month-old child, as it was my fault they had cheated, instead of apologising they then gave their best friend the silent treatment for months, until the best friend reached out to them, luckily their relationship survived as she was just conned by the narcissists lies, yet the narcissist is only in touch with his best friend when he requires something from him, help with car etc, in fact when his best friend went to help him buy a new car, which the narcissist purchased and over the years the car had no end of problems, every time the narcissist would say his best friend who worked on cars, told him to buy it as payback as he knew, yes of course narcissist mechanics have that magical power looking into the future and knowing what’s going to go wrong with a car and when over a few years, but of course a narcissist has to blame everything wrong with their lives on those around them.
The more you plead with them to let you know what’s wrong, the more you message them to try and get in touch the more they enjoy it, it leaves you questioning what you did and working out how to fix something you didn’t even do. The more they know it’s affecting you, the more you plead and apologise, the longer they will continue, then when they feel like it, they will flick a switch and talk to you again.
Silent treatment is to get emotional reactions from you, to keep you emotionally paralysed and fixated on them, to assert control over you, to give them the power over you. Silent treatment is used so that you can no longer think clearly and chase them for answers, beg and plead with them to put you out of your misery that state of mind they placed you in. Leaving you with so many unhealthy emotions. Slowly killing the real you off from the inside.
Ways the use the silent treatment.
1. The present silent treatment, in the car, on a day out, in the room, at the dining table. Wherever it is, they are with you yet they are silent.
2. Ignoring you’re messages, perhaps looking so you can see they’ve read them yet they’ll not respond.
3. Ignoring your calls, some may even answer yet not speak to you.
4. On social media responding and liking lots of comments, yet ignoring yours.
5. Talking to everybody else, either the children or out at a social event, talking happily to everyone yet completely blanking you.
6. Randomly and unexpectedly blocking you on social media.
7. Agreeing to take you somewhere then falling silent and not taking you.
8. Taking you somewhere then ignoring you whilst their.
9. Sleeping in the spare room, or the sofa for no apparent reason.
10. Sleeping in their car or caravan.
11. Walking out completely and doing the vanishing act on you.
12. When you speak saying to the children. “Did you hear someone complaining then.”
13. Falling of the face of the planet without warning, friends and family don’t know where they are, one minute all is good next poof they are gone, days weeks and some will do it for months, no explanation, no nothing just gone.
14. Talking over you and only about themselves.
15. Replying to messages with. Who are you?
16. Flying monkeys telling you they’ve seen the narcissist with someone else because you’ve gone crazy.
People who care about you, do not treat you like this, never giving explanations, just disappearing then coming back when it suit them. Silent treatment used as a weapon to get you to try harder, leaving you feeling crazy is abuse.