Did you have a narcissistic mother?
Sometimes we end up with a narcissistic partner because one or both parents were narcissistic.
Was either every single aspect of your childhood controlled by your mother? Or were you completely ignored, like you didn’t even exist? Or they might try and live through you, living her dreams by pushing them onto you and not allowing you to learn your own goals.
When you’re growing up, you look up to your parents as role models, and if they were narcissistic, you most likely developed coping mechanisms to survive.
So what is the difference between a narcissistic mother and a normal mother?
Most parents do want the best for their children, most are proud, and most think their children are beautiful. Most will discipline their children, most like to show off about their children, and most do have grumpy days that may result in snapping at their children; this is normal.
The most common signs your mother was a narcissist is they denied you the right to be yourself, to discover who you are. They have no empathy for you or how you feel.
Was the image outside the family home always perfect, yet inside was completely different?
A narcissist would rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.
Signs your mother was a narcissist.
Did they ruin special occasions?
Were they never wrong? Would they twist everything to blame you or those around you? Did they never apologise?
Did they never seem to take your thoughts, feelings or opinions on board?
Did they always criticise you and put you down?
Were you Gaslighted and controlled by your mother?
Were you insulted continuously by your mother?
Did she always take you to the doctors for issues you didn’t know you had?
Did they deny you love and affection unless you achieved it?
You could never share thoughts or feelings, as they would be used against you?
Did your mother always lie, manipulate and try to control you?
Did she always take the credit for your achievements?
Did you feel like your mother was always competing with you?
Did your mother just regularly come into your bedroom, over anything and everything, never giving you any privacy?
Did she deliberately break things you owned?
Did she always guilt trip you?
Always spoke of their problems with you but never listened to yours?
If you said anything to her about her she didn’t like, did she smack you, send you to your room or scream at you?
Were you always ignored, the forgotten child? The golden child that always had to perform for your mother or the scapegoat always being blamed?
Did you feel like you had to parent your own mother, take care of her, comfort her, not just because she was under the weather but most of the time?
If you’re a people pleaser, it might just be because your mother was a narcissist. Do you feel shame or guilt? Always try your best so that all others like you. You might have always felt empty inside, like you don’t deserve happiness; you might have trust issues; you may find your emotions hard to deal with. You might find it difficult to say no to people, creating and enforcing boundaries, little self-worth and self-love if you felt this way growing up. Into adulthood, you may have always had to defend yourself to your mother, often doubting the reality around her. It could be because you had a narcissistic mother.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Recovery from a narcissistic mother.