Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Did you have a narcissistic mother?
Sometimes we end up with a narcissistic partner because one or both parents were narcissistic.
Was either every single aspect of your childhood controlled by your mother? Or were you completely ignored like you didn’t even exist? Or they might try and live through you, living her dreams by pushing them onto you and not allowing you to learn your own dreams.
When you’re growing up you look up to your parents as role models, if they were narcissistic you developed coping mechanism to survive.
So what is the difference between a narcissistic mother and a normal mother?
Most parents want the best for their children, most are proud and most think their children are beautiful. Most will discipline their children, most like to show off about their children and most do have grumpy days, that may result in snapping at their children, this is normal.
The most common signs your mother was a narcissist is they denied you the right to be yourself, to discover who you are, they have no empathy for you or how you feel.
Was the image outside the family home always perfect, yet inside was completely different?
Signs your mother was a narcissist, ruining special occasions.
Where they never wrong? Would they twist everything to blame you? Did they never apologise?
Did they never seem to take your thoughts, feelings or opinions on board?
Did they always criticise you and put you down?
Gaslighted and controlled by your mother she is most likely a narcissist.
Where you constantly insulted by your mother?
Did she always take you to the doctors for issues you didn’t know you had?
Did they deny you love and affection unless you achieved?
You could never share thought or feelings, as they would be used against you.
Did your mother always, lie, manipulate and try to control you.
Did she always take the credit for your achievements?
Did you feel like your mother was always competing with you?
Did your mother just constantly storm your bedroom, over anything and everything, never giving you any privacy?
Did she deliberately break things you owned?
Did she always guilt trip you?
Always spoke of their problems with you, but never listened to yours?
If you said anything to her about her she didn’t like, did she smack you, send you to your room or screen at you?
Were you the forgotten child, the golden child that always had to perform for your mother or the scapegoat always being blamed?
Did you feel like you had to parent your own mother, take care of her, comfort her, not just because she was under the weather but all the time?
If you’re a people pleaser it might just be because your mother was a narcissist. Do you feel shame or guilt? Constantly trying your best so that all others like you. You may have always felt empty inside like you don’t deserve happiness, you may have trust issues, you may find your emotions hard to deal with. You may find it difficult to say no, creating and enforcing boundaries, little self-worth and self-love if you felt this way growing up, and into adulthood, you may have always had to defend yourself to your mother, often doubting reality around her. it could be because you had a narcissistic mother.
I did not have a narcissistic mother, so I can only put the information I’ve found, if you had a narcissistic mother please add anything in the comments you think would help others see the signs, thank you.