Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A few words you may have heard your ex-narcissist or the narcissist in your life use during a normal conversation, to confuse you, to keep control over you, or to provoke an emotional reaction out of you. Gaslighting and manipulating you to conform to their ways.
1. “You always.” They will use this with some form of criticism towards you, so you try to defend yourself against them.
2. “You never” this could be something and most likely is something you do actually do for them, yet they throw it around, like you do nothing for them, to get you to doubt yourself, to get you to try harder to please them, to get you to do more for them and tend to their every need. Leaving you speechless, confused or angry It’s also used as an excuse of why they’ll not do something for you.
3. “My ex wouldn’t do this.” Triangulation, so you compare yourself and try harder, or “my ex would always do that for me.” Triangulation to get you to break down your boundaries. Also, as they have smeared the exes name to you, it leaves you confused and hurt that they are comparing you to someone they hate. “My friend’s partner would.” Again Triangulation to get you to something You normally wouldn’t.
4. “Stop trying to control me.” This is usually when you’re trying to ask them about something they have done/ to compromise on something, yet as they want full control and compromise doesn’t exist in their minds, to them it’s only ever their way, again, so you doubt yourself, start not wanting to speak up for what you want or what you believe in.
5. “If you loved me.” This one is when you have reservations about doing something you wouldn’t normally do, and it leaves you feeling confused about whether you should do something or not. Leaving you questioning your own values and beliefs, dropping your guard and them getting to take more control over who you are, without you even realising.
7. “You’re overthinking, and you’re overacting, you’re too sensitive, you’re insecure, you’re crazy.” Any one of these is used usually when you’ve questioned them about something they have done, so they can turn it around onto you, again leaving you bewildered and believing you’re at fault. So they can get control over the conversation, ignoring what the conversation is actually about, and escaping any form of accountability.
8. “I don’t remember, and I never said that that never happened.” Used so the narcissist can escape any accountability, and rewrite history on you.
Their words over a prolonged period of time alter how you think and feel even after you’ve left them. You have to remove all their negativity from within your own mindset, and you have to work on finding yourself again, your beliefs again, it’s not easy to start, keep going through you will get there. Sometimes it helps to write down those that you remember and the reality of what truly happened. To get back your reality over what actually happened.
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