Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Can you bring the narcissist to justice?
The narcissist’s weak spots, they live in their own reality and they have no integrity, the whole of the narcissist’s lives are full of fantasy, false reality and lie after lie to all those around them. You must keep everything recorded, any message emails, keep written diaries, so if you need non molestation orders, or mediation over the children, court over the children, you have evidence making them acceptable, always be careful in your own response, do not react, which is hard at first and most of us do this, learn not to. Anything you have to send to them via mail during a divorce, make sure it’s signed for. Photos and videos if you can do so safely.
During divorce any evidence possible to prove they not financially helped out, this can be tricky as most will try to get everything in their name, but even showing they didn’t allow you to control your own money, proves financial abuse.
Make sure you keep copies and the narcissist can not find them.
There is no common ground with a narcissist, you have to stand up for yourself, with the full truths or the narcissist will do everything they can to take you down.
As most of use are kind-hearted people, that once deeply loved the narcissist, often you don’t want revenge and you don’t want to bring them to justice, at the beginning of recovery you may have wanted this, but once most people understand narcissist personality disorder, we most often, just want to move forward with our own lives and leave the narcissist be, by implementing no contact, or grey rock if safeguarding issues aren’t too big and the children still see the narcissistic parent.
Narcissistic people use your weakness and go all out to exploit them, to keep power and control over you, they slowly take down your boundaries, strip you of your self worth and self-esteem, your self-love and self-trust, your inner happiness, your peace, your confidence and your sense of self, they make you feel guilty and they make you feel fear, and because of all those ups and downs during the relationship, you’re often trauma bonded and become reliant upon the narcissist, even though they are slowly taking you down. Narcissist finds all your weak spots and then use them against you.
Often you’re left full of fear, from whatever the retaliation will be if you do try to bring the narcissist to justice, some narcissists are dangerous but not all, some are playground bully’s that use others fears against them,
Often when you don’t understand you’re dealing with someone who’s on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, if you were with a narcissist who wasn’t physically violent towards you, although some are physically violent, you think through all the mental abuse that you are the problem, instead of facing your own fears, making the choice to change, and the trauma bonding, often blaming yourself for the problems within the relationship, you stay with them or go back to them, until you finally break free form their grasp and start on recovery.
When you take away the reality of the story the narcissist feed you, see the reality of the relationship as it truly was, start healing your inner wounds from the inside, and become happy within yourself, the narcissist can no longer affect you, as you’ll be wiser and stronger than the person they first met, and the person you became, during the relationship.
When you understand how the narcissist and why the narcissist thinks completely differently to you, when you keep your standard high, but know they are limited in their abilities to communicate, when you observe and don’t absorb, when you stop giving them emotional reactions and just stop giving them any reactions, and you’ve built yourself back up on the inside, you’ll discover that that the narcissist can no longer affect you.
Losing your fear, any shame, or guilt you carried, knowing the real past and leaving in the past, builds you onto a stronger version than you were before you even met the narcissist.
The narcissist does not want to work on a problem and find a solution, they do want to co-parent, they want to counter parent, they don’t want to split assets, they want all the assets, to them, you are their problem and the solution is to destroy you. As you’ve stopped them from walking all over you, you wouldn’t let them control you any longer and you would no longer meet their needs. The need a constant ego boost from somewhere, if they’re not getting positive attention from you, they’ll accept negative, and they do not care for who they hurt in order to get this, so long as their needs are being met.
Narcissists will try to drag things out, leaving belongings, keeping your belongings, seeing the children, not seeing the children, bringing them home late, bringing them home early, not turning up for them, changing plans. Taking you to mediation. They will drag a divorce out as long as they possibly can, just to keep you chained to them, they will not respect your new boundaries. Keeping you chained to them as long as possible.
You may then turn to give in, walking away with nothing, or staying in waiting for them to pick the children up for a no show, giving in to their demands, as you feel you have no choice, and you feel it’s the easier option, this may feel like the easier option at the time, but it can be detrimental on your physical and mental health, as well as your children’s, you have to stand up for your life, and fight for your rights, losing the fear and the control they have over you.
Many people have started their lives again from scratch and they have achieved it, so if you have walked away with nothing, or because you were in danger you had to leave with nothing, you can and you will build yourself back up again.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every day.
You can take those steps to build yourself back up into a much happier you.
No matter what you do, to be the good person, the narcissist will smear your name, and to the narcissist’s reality, you will always be the villain.
The best option to take for yourself, is to rediscover who you truly are, stand up for you and your rights and what you believe in, move on with a happier life for yourself, stick to your boundaries regarding the children, pattern interrupt in your mindset, you don’t have to have them running around your head on a continuous loop. Give them no reactions to the games they play, you can scream it out once they’ve left. Or talk it out with someone who understands, you will get to a point when you work on yourself, that their games no longer affect you, and you can counteract them all, with some the safeguarding issues with the children is too big, so you will have to go no contact, with others you can parallel parent, with some you can just block and delete, with others you will have to move away from.
Once you work on finding your inner happiness, they will no longer affect you.
To bring a narcissist to justice, limit or no contact for you, depending on which you can do and heal yourself.
If you have to communicate, no emotions, no reactions, stay on topic and stay businesslike towards them.
If they are playing games, get restraining orders, protection orders, non molestation orders, start any childcare arrangements or divorce proceedings yourself, and as what was put at the start as it’s vital, gather as much written evidence as possible, this is a narcissist’s worst nightmare, and most will crumble in court, do not let them see it, as they can counteract it or destroy it, if they don’t know what in it, which if they haven’t seen it, although they sent it, remember they live in their own reality. So to them, it’ll be completely different from what they actually put in black and white.
Make sure, your lawyer understands narcissist personality disorder, in court, do not personality diagnoses to the judge, the judge is only interested in facts.
All the way through, when you’re not dealing with them, pattern interrupt them out of your mind, and concentrate on who you are, the moment, the present, who you want to be, Overcoming anxiety triggers, Overcoming the trauma bond, keep working on you.
Those who have recovered after narcissistic abuse, will tell you, you become a force to be reckoned with, and when you no longer allow them to infect you, which you can do, they lose interest. It can be hard, with growing awareness, you can now get support and help that you need.
Male or female, stay strong, keep working on yourself, it gets easier, then you make it come out the other side a much more confident, much happier, better version. Of you.