Can you bring the narcissist to justice?
The narcissist’s weak spots, they fear exposure as they live in their own reality, and they have no integrity. The whole of the narcissist’s lives are full of fantasy, false reality and lie after lie to all those around them.
You must keep everything recorded, any messages, emails, keep written diaries, photos and videos if you can do so safely. So if you need non-molestation/protection orders, or they take you to mediation over the children, court over the children, the court for divorce, you have evidence making them accountable, always be careful in your own response, do not react, which is hard at first. Most of us do this, learn not to. Anything you have to send to them via mail during a divorce, make sure it’s signed for.
During divorce, any evidence possible to prove they have not financially helped out, this can be tricky as most will try to get everything in their name, but even showing they didn’t allow you to control your own money proves financial abuse.
Ensure you keep copies of everything you have as evidence and that the narcissist can not find them.
There is no common ground with a narcissist, you have to stand up for yourself with the full truths, or the narcissist will do everything they can to take you down.
As most of us are empathetic people who care for others, often you don’t want revenge. You don’t want to bring them to justice. At the beginning of recovery, you may have desired this, but once most people understand narcissist personality disorder, we most often just want to move forward with our own lives and leave the narcissist be, by implementing no contact or grey rock if safeguarding issues aren’t too big and you have children that still see the narcissistic parent.
Narcissistic people use your weakness and go all out to exploit them, it is intentional as these are the things you’ll most passionately defend, they want to keep power and control over you, they slowly take down your boundaries, strip you of your self-worth and self-esteem, your self-love and self-trust, your inner happiness, your peace, your confidence and your sense of self, they make you feel guilty, and they make you feel fear. Because of all those ups and downs during the relationship, you’re often left trauma bonded and become reliant upon the narcissist, even though they are slowly taking you down. The narcissist finds all your weak spots, and then they will use them all against you.
Often you’re left full of fear, from whatever the retaliation will be if you do try to bring the narcissist to justice. Some narcissists are dangerous, but not all. Some are playground bully’s that use others fears against them.
Often when you don’t understand, you’re dealing with someone who’s on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. If you were with a narcissist who wasn’t physically violent towards you, although some are physically violent, you think through all the mental abuse they did to you, all the narcissist’s manipulative gaslighting, that you are the problem. (You are not the problem, their gaslighting is the problem.) Instead of facing your own fears, choosing to change, and the trauma bonding, often blaming yourself for the issues within the relationship, you stay with them or go back to them until you finally break free form their grasp and start on recovery.
When you take away the reality of the story the narcissist feeds you, see the reality of the relationship as it indeed was, start healing your inner wounds from the inside, and become happy within yourself, the narcissist can no longer affect you, as you’ll be wiser and stronger than the person they first met. The person you became during the relationship.
When you understand how the narcissist and why the narcissist thinks entirely differently to you when you keep your standard high but know they are limited in their abilities to communicate when you observe and don’t absorb when you stop giving them emotional reactions and just stop giving them any reactions. You’ve built yourself back up on the inside. You’ll discover that the narcissist can no longer affect you.
Losing your fear, any shame, or guilt you carried, knowing the real past and leaving it in the past, builds you into a stronger version than you were before you even met the narcissist.
The narcissist does not want to work on a problem and find a solution, they do not want to co-parent, they wish to counter- parent, they don’t want to split assets, they want all the assets, to them, you are their problem, and the solution is to destroy you. As you’ve stopped them from walking all over you, you wouldn’t let them control you any longer, and you would no longer meet their needs. They need a constant ego boost from somewhere. If they’re not getting positive attention from you, they’ll accept negative, and they do not care for who they hurt in order to get this, so long as their needs are being met.
Narcissists will try to drag things out, leaving belongings, keeping your belongings, seeing the children, not seeing the children, bringing them home late, bringing them home early, not turning up for them, changing plans, taking you to mediation. They will drag a divorce out as long as they possibly can. Just to keep you chained to them, they will not respect your new boundaries. Keeping you chained to them as long as possible.
You may then in turn to give in, walking away with nothing, or staying in waiting for them to pick the children up for a no show, giving in to their demands, as you feel you have no choice. You feel it’s the easier option, this may feel like the easier option at the time, but it can be detrimental to your physical and mental health and your children’s. You have to stand up for your life and fight for your rights, losing the fear and the control they have over you.
Many people have started their lives again from scratch, and they have achieved it, so if you have walked away with nothing, or because you were in danger, you had to leave with nothing, you can, and you will build yourself back up again.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every day.
You can take those steps to build yourself back up into a much happier you.
No matter what you do, to be the good person, the narcissist will smear your name, and to the narcissist’s reality, you will always be the villain.
The best option to take for yourself is to rediscover who you indeed are, stand up for you and your rights and what you believe in, move on with a happier life for yourself, stick to your boundaries, especially regarding the children. Pattern interrupt in your mindset. You don’t have to have them running around your head on a continuous loop. Give them no reactions to the games they play, and you can scream it out once they’ve left. Or talk it out with someone who understands, you will get to a point when you work on yourself, that their games no longer affect you, and you can counteract them all, with some the safeguarding issues with the children is too big, so you will have to go no contact, with others you can parallel parent, with some you can just block and delete, with others you will have to move away from.
Once you work on finding your inner happiness, they will no longer affect you.
To bring a narcissist to justice, limit or no contact for you, depending on which you can do and heal yourself.
If you have to communicate, no emotions, no reactions, stay on topic and stay businesslike towards them.
If they are playing games, get restraining orders, protection orders, non-molestation orders, start any childcare arrangements or divorce proceedings yourself. As what was put at the start as it’s vital, gather as much written evidence as possible. This is a narcissist’s worst nightmare. Most will crumble in court, do not let them see it, as they can not counteract it or destroy it if they don’t know what is in it, which if they haven’t seen it, although they sent it, remember they live in their own reality. So to them, it’ll be completely different from what they actually put in black and white.
Make sure your lawyer understands narcissist personality disorder. In court, do not personality diagnoses to the judge. The judge is only interested in facts.
All the way through, when you’re not dealing with them, pattern interrupt them out of your mind and concentrate on who you are, the moment, the present, who you want to be, overcoming anxiety triggers, overcoming the trauma bond, keep working on you.
Those who have recovered after narcissistic abuse will tell you, you become a force to be reckoned with, and when you no longer allow them to infect you, which you can do, they lose interest. It can be hard. With growing awareness, you can now get support and help that you need.
Male or female, stay strong, keep working on yourself, it gets easier, then you make it come out the other side a much more confident, much happier, better version, of you.
Today, write out the outcomes you do want for you, write them in a positive format. Whenever you doubt yourself, look at those positive outcomes.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Phrases to win a narcissist in an argument.
Going to court against a narcissist.