Help with how to disarm a narcissistic person.
A narcissist will use anything, and everything against you, what you’ve done, what you didn’t do, what you love, and what you hate. They use any and all fears that you might have, and we all have fears that we must jump over. Some fears are there to protect us. Others hold us back if we don’t face them head-on and choose to run away from them, which is an effortless thing to do, run away from our fears. A narcissist will find all your strengths, then one by one, they will criticise you on them all. In the hope of planting that self-doubt within your own mind, they will ridicule you and belittle you, either in the privacy of your own home or subtly in front of others. They will also find all your vulnerabilities and weaknesses out about you, and instead of raising you up, they will use each and everyone against you to keep that self-doubt locked within your own mind.
They will blame you, harass you, belittle you, and annoy you for anything and everything that they want to use against you to get their own needs met.
Offering you intermittent play nice stages, again, so you doubt your own thinking abilities.
The best action is no contact, but if you’ve got children with them, and the narcissist still sees the children, uses the children to get reactions from you, or if it would mean cutting out other family members or friends, you need to find a way to disarm them.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so some are cruel and calculating, and some act impulsively. Only you know how dangerous the one you are dealing with could be, so keep yourself safe, yet don’t stop living your life for yourself.
Every villain has a weakness.
So what’s the narcissist’s weakness? Not getting emotional responses or reactions is their weakness. Not getting attention from others hurts the narcissist’s ego. They feel entitled and superior, so when they are not getting attention or getting their own way, this hurts them. They show this by upping their tactics and their games. When they’re not getting any attention when you leave them alone, not all will up their games, and some are more hideous than others. When they leave you alone, it’s not because they don’t want your attention, they are either finding it far too difficult to get what they desire from you, or it’s because they’re getting the attention elsewhere, good or bad. They may try again with you days, weeks, months or years down the line. Just don’t react. That’s all they want from you when you no longer play the game. They find someone who will.
If they’re guilt-tripping to bully you.
Threats to put fear into you.
Using your love to manipulate you.
Using your empathy to guilt-trip you.
Using your insecurities to manipulate you.
Using your children to anger you.
They just want your reactions, to turn it all around, to blame it all on you, and take it all away from what they’ve actually done.
Deep inside, although they’ll never admit it, they are shamed and angry with themselves. They need to turn it onto you to escape themselves.
They will have to put their insecurities and their problems and their feelings and their faults onto others to escape themselves. Not that they’ll ever admit to them, even to themselves, as to them, the problem is never themselves, and the problem is those around them.
So their weakness is when they throw everything they have at you, working from one tactic to the next, and they get no reaction. You’ve taken their power of control over you away.
After some time, when you stand back and observe the games they are playing, you realise just how childish and silly they genuinely are.
Some are extremely dangerous, and you must move miles away from them for safety. The children can not see them. Most narcissists, however, are full of empty threats. Although abuse is abuse, mental or physical, they may have resorted to punching walls. Some even go to the extreme of head-butting walls. They may throw things. They may have pulled your hair. Just stick with your boundaries, do not let them in your home, get restraining orders if needed, and then take the power away by not reacting.
Even when it comes to one of the narcissist’s favourites, the silent treatment, the whole idea of this is to upset and confuse you. It’s rather silly ignoring someone who’s actually enjoying the peace and quiet, so do not respond. They will talk when they want. You’ll often notice if you don’t react to a narcissist’s silence, they’ll ignore you until they want something from you, then they play the victim, or they play nice.
It is hard at. First, you have emotional attachments. After all, they’ve done and said, how horrible they have been to you and made you feel, the way to stop these feelings is no reaction. It is a learning curve. I know I’ve been through it. Once you stick with it, life becomes much more peaceful.
Once I realised they were never going to see my point of view, and they were never going to understand me, they were never going to be accountable. They simply wanted my reactions. It became a lot easier just not to give any.
When they come at you, and you feel anger rising within or frustration, normal human emotions retreat, rethink and only respond once if you need to do so, once you are calm and can respond in a non-emotional manner.
Once you get control of the power of your emotions and reactions, the narcissist has no control over you.
If a toddler calls you names, you don’t take it personally. Think of them as they are a toddler throwing tantrums in an adult’s body.
A narcissist is not going to be held responsible. They’re not reasonable, rational, realistic or fair. Instead, they will go all out to make you feel like you’re the unreasonable, irrational, unrealistic, and unfair one, to guilt you into getting their own way with you.
It’s challenging when you first start to stop taking things personally. Once you stop reacting, it will become easy.
Narcissists don’t change. They don’t see themselves as the problem. They just blame everything on everyone else and move on to someone unaware of their manipulation.
They cannot meet their own needs without destroying others.
They’ve had this kind of relationship countless times, and they will continue to do so. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. You did not cause it, and you can not change it. They are in control of themselves in an out-of-control way. They live life how they want, to take your power back, leave them to it, and now live your life how you want.
You may have gone out with lots of narcissistic people, and it’s time to stop, work on yourself, love yourself, and find genuine people like you that don’t need to go around destroying others.
The narcissist had gone around behaving this way with people before they met you, and it will continue with other people after you’ve stopped playing yourself. You can not help, it did not start with you, and it will not end with you.
No reaction is one of the best ways to disarm them.
Stop explaining and start disarming the narcissist.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
How they invalidate you.
Healing Insecurities.
