Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
How to handle a narcissist if you can not altogether remove them from your life.
Narcissistic and toxic people, fail to understand the word no or stop, it just doesn’t seem to compute within their mindsets. Instead, it gives them the challenge to take it further.
So you’ve probably spent your entire relationship, getting your mind programmed, that you say no, draw a line in that sand and they come at you and step straight over that line.
So you say no to something else, draw a line in that sand for what you will and will not accept, yet again they come at it, wiping it all out, removing your boundaries from your mind, and stepping straight through them again.
They do this time and time again until you wake one day to realise your boundaries are no more.
Worse still because of the gaslighting, mental or physical abuse, you could have reacted, they’ve then blame shifted, all the faults within that relationship onto you, and you’ve taken 100% of the blame, this is why when you stumble across narcissism, you think you are the narcissist that needs help, you are not.
So if you can not totally remove them from your life, it’s time to recreate your boundaries and action them, it’s ok to say no, if it didn’t sit with you, you are allowed to say no. Now don’t say no just to be awkward because your ex, your parent or whoever the narcissist is in your life, is a manipulative twit, if you don’t mind, shock them by saying yes. Say if they want to change days they see the kids, and it suits you, just say yes, they’ll probably try that tactic again, again say yes if it suits you. Do not let the narcissist know yours and your children’s new routines, they can, and they will use this against you.
So if they have an activity on a Wednesday and they know, they might decide they want Wednesday so they can be a no show, letting the kids down and stressing you out. So two options, first it’s a NO and a firm NO, no explanations necessary, they don’t listen, they’ll use it as more ammo against you. If you don’t mind swapping the activity to another day, or being ready for the letdown and take the kids anyway, then if it suits you and the kids say yes, when you shock them without arguments, standing firm to your NOs they will switch tactics. Again if If doesn’t sit with you or suit you, it’s a No.
If your parents would like you to do something and you can, again shock them and say yes, be kind to them when they are to you if you don’t need to say No, and of you need to say stick to your No. Don’t give them any attention at all when they are treating you wrong, just say ” you’re entitled to not agree with me, and I’m entitled to not agree with you.”
You have to say no, to the things that don’t bring you inner peace, you have to say no to the things that don’t bring you joy, you have to say no to inconvenience, no to the things that don’t honour you, and you do not ever need to explain your no to these people. Your no needs to mean no, and you need to have a million ways to say NO.
Now is the time to action those no’s, no longer draw that line in the sand and when they come at you do not back down and let them cross your boundaries, remain on your boundary line stand firm and say no, no more words needed, narcissist don’t get these, they do enjoy your reactions, they do not enjoy the word no, with anything else so stand firm on your No’s and once you’ve said no do not change your mind with them.
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How they take down your boundaries.