When there is no physical violence, it’s hard to recognise a mentally abusive relationship, even with physical abuse. It is hard to see, as everything is being twisted and you’re being manipulated.
How to work out, if you need to get out, or stay out and start working on yourself.
If you are still in an abusive relationship, be it with a partner, parent, friend, boss or work colleague, right now or thinking about giving it another go, you need to ask yourself two questions and answer them honestly.
What is the cost to me of staying or going back to this relationship?
What do I gain from this relationship, what would I learn going back?
Every relationship has a cost, but a healthy relationship is taking and giving, give to someone else and receive something back. In normal healthy relationships, you don’t give, just to receive, no good deed is done without some reward, even if you weren’t expecting a reward, sometimes you’ll be giving 100%, and sometimes you’ll be taking 100%. Sometimes it’s 50/50 or 80/20. That’s real relationships. You are helping each other out depending on who needs the help and support, not dragging one down. If you have to work at a relationship, that’s ok, that’s normal. If you have to make some sacrifices to help each other out, that’s a genuine relationship.
So if your giving it your all and only receiving when they want something from you, not just because it’s the right thing to do, are surrounded with put-downs? Do you think everything is your fault? Are you surround by Negativity? Can you not do right for doing wrong? Are you constantly living on the edge? Are you walking on eggshells? Doing everything you can to change yourself to meet their demands and still not measuring up? If you feel you are now reacting to defend yourself and they always blame you? have you lost who you are? Are you no longer allowed to do the things you enjoy doing? Do you have to conform to their every demand to have a peaceful life? And it’s still wrong? Do they bring out the worst in you? Do you feel like you bring the worst out in them? Do you feel happy? Do you feel like it’s give and take? Do you feel safe? Do they make you feel like you’re not enough? If they do, then the cost of that relationship is you.
Answer No, it’s time to go.
yes, work to improve. ( if both are willing.)
1. Do they bring out the best in you?
2. Is the relationship give and take?
3. Can you be yourself around them?
4. Are you happy?
5. What’s, is your instincts telling you? Stay? Go?
6. Do you support each other?
8. Do you respect each other.
9. Do you feel safe?
When number 9 is a no, it’s definitely time to let go, no matter how hard it is, and make no mistake, it will be hard. In the long run, life will become so much easier and happier, and it will be totally worth it.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
What keeps people trapped in narcissistic relationships.
How to go no contact.