For a happy successful life, for you and your children, there is one major key component.
When you have a narcissistic ex, and the children have a narcissistic parent that battle can be incredibly hard.
As the narcissist wants the children, to think like them, to act like them, they want to train them up to be exactly who the narcissist wants them to be, just like when you were in a relationship with the narcissist and they wanted to train your mind, train and change everything about you to be, who they wanted to be, the problem with this is, most narcissists don’t even know who they truly are, or what they truly want, so as you found out when you get to what they want, they up the game so you have to work harder, change more, this is all mentally, emotionally, and physically draining, so if they spend to much time around the children this then affects the children, mental health.
You may have not even known who you truly were before you met the narcissist, afterwards you’ll have completely lost yourself.
This is a great opportunity, So now is the time to take a chance on you, learn about who you truly are, what things you enjoy doing for you. Try new things that you’ve not done before. Learn from your mistakes, change how you do things, make yourself happy.
Then when you know who you truly are.
You can observe your children learn who they truly are,
So with a narcissist parent, it’s vital that you recognise and tune in to who your children actually are, learning how to parent for the child that you was given, not the child you thought you would have, not the parent you wanted to be, the parent you need to be for the child. So just adapt your parenting skills to suit your child.
For example, if you believed you were going to have a little boy and dreamed of all the boy things you’d do, then get a little girl, you adapt. Or you get a boy who’d prefer to dance than play football, or if get a little girl that would prefer to play rugby, then dance, you adapt to what the child enjoys.
Before I had children, there was no way my children would ever sit in front of the t,v. Guess what they watch loads,
So You need to lose the false idea of who the child should have been, what you expected your child to be. Raising children with a narcissistic ex, this is vital to raising a happy well-rounded child.
Your child may not know, especially if they’ve spent a lot of time in the past with the narcissist.
So you may have an idea, they may have shown a love for reading, a love for numbers, a love for drawing, sports, or dancing,
Think back to toddlerhood and why things really put a smile on the child’s face, what really made them laugh.
Get them to try different activities, if they don’t like it, find another, and like yourself keep going until you find your passion and your child finds theirs.
Don’t let the narcissist into your home, this is yours and your child’s safe zone, where your minds can be free to who you and they want to be. Limited contact, counteract any negative words with positivity.
Please see my grey rock post for more info.
Albert Einstein’s quote.
“Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its, ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing, that it is stupid.”
Please remember this is just for advice, give it a try if you need to, see if it works for you.
There is no right way, or wrong way to parent, only your way, nobody knows your child as you do. So find what works for you and your child.