For a successful, happy life, for you and your children, there is one major key component.
Learning it’s ok to be who you want to be.
When you have a narcissistic ex, and the children have a narcissistic parent, that battle can be incredibly hard.
As the narcissist wants the children to think like them, to act like them, they want to train them up to be exactly who the narcissist wants them to be, just like when you were in a relationship with the narcissist. They wanted to train your mind, train and change everything about you to be, who they wanted you to be. The problem with this is, most narcissists don’t even know who they indeed are or what they genuinely wish to be, so as you found out, when you get to what they want, they up the game, so you have to work harder, change more, this is all so mentally, emotionally, and physically draining, so if they spend to much time around the children this then can have affects the children, mental health.
You may not have had even known who you indeed were before you met the narcissist. Afterwards, you’ll have most likely completely lost yourself.
This is a great opportunity, So now is the time to take a chance on you, learn about who you indeed are, what things you enjoy doing for yourself. Try new things that you’ve not done before. Learn from your mistakes, change how you do something, make yourself happy.
Then when you know who you indeed are.
You can observe your children learn who they indeed are.
So with a narcissist parent, it’s vital that you recognise and tune in to who your children actually are, learning how to parent for the child that you was given, not the child you thought you would have, not the parent you wanted to be, the parent you need to be for the child. So just adapt your parenting skills to suit your child.
For example, if you believed you were going to have a little boy and dreamed of all the boy things you’d do, then get a little girl, you adapt. Or you get a boy who’d prefer to dance than play football, or if get a little girl that would prefer to play rugby, then dance, you will have most likely adapted to what the child enjoys. It’s ok to have these dreams, and it’s ok to adjust and change them.
Before I had children, there was no way my children would ever sit in front of the t,v. Guess what they watch loads.
So you need to lose the false idea of who the child should have been, what you expected your child to be. Raising children with a narcissistic ex, this is vital to raising a happy, well-rounded child.
Your child may not know, especially if they’ve spent a lot of time in the past with the narcissist.
So you may have an idea, they may have shown a love for reading, a love for numbers, a love for drawing, sports, or dancing,
If they are older, think back to toddlerhood and why things really put a smile on the child’s face, what really made them laugh and see if they want to try these again, the same for you think back over your life to the things you really enjoyed that you may no longer do and try them again.
Get them to try different activities. If they don’t like it, find another, and like yourself, keep going until you find your passion and your child finds theirs.
Don’t let the narcissist into your home. This is your and your child’s safe zone, where your minds can be free to who you and they want to be. Limited contact counteracts any negative words with positivity.
Please see my grey rock video for more info.
Albert Einstein’s quote.
“Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
There is no right way or wrong way to parent, only your way, nobody knows your child as you do. So find what works for you and your child.
There is no right way or wrong way to live your life, with good intentions, there is only your way.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.