Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissist and intimidation,
The main reason they use intimidation is so you fear them, meaning you will conform to their demands out of fear. They also use it to manipulate you and cause more confusion within your own mind, with subtle threats, that make you wonder if it’s a real threat if they’re messing around, if they will act on this threat or leave it be. They do this purposely so you are worried about the threat, but you don’t want to make a fuss. For fear also of other party’s believing you’re overreacting, they will tell others, coincidences or people are imagining things.
One my narcissist used, after an incident when I wanted to end the relationship, was to plant drugs into my children’s school bags, call the police and get them kicked out of the school. My narcissist knows my kids mean everything.
When a child left a football team the narcissist managed, the narcissist was deeply criticised, with sly remarks of. “ they will get what’s coming to them.” Then rumours went around all children on a group chat set up by the narcissists son, my son was in this chat, as well as others, the rumour was, that the child who left the team, was playing in a game against the narcissist sons friends, my son told me about this chat as well as his other parent, he had removed himself from the group, I told my son. “It’s all talk.” Now I don’t know the full extent of the story, only clips, I’ve no idea if the narcissist got their flying monkeys to do the dirty work, because the narcissist son was so afraid of reaction, or out of obligation he needed to please his parent, yet that child who left the football team, did get badly injured in that game.
Yes, I wish I’d had spoken out, but the narcissist explained it all so well with such, conviction and confidence. They got on the phone to their son. To explain messing around or not those messages need to be deleted now, they drove to pick their son up, went straight to the child’s house who had left the football team and had been injured, with Charm and explained what a big misunderstanding it had all been and it wasn’t anything to do with them. All matters were dropped, they even sat in front of me. With the narcissist parents explaining a big miss understanding, but unfortunately, the child got injured and the finger got pointed at them when they had nothing to do with it.
So when they threatened to get my elder child beaten up in town by their sons’ friends, if I ended the relationship over that incident, I felt the fear and I felt trapped. Not knowing if they would or would not if it was or wasn’t them behind it.
I’m actually great full to the person who took the narcissist of my hands. I do hope the narcissist changes and treats them better. If not I hope they get out sooner than I did.
Intimidation is often what the narcissist will use before rage. To regain control of you.
In order to help yourself when it comes to intimidation, you have to know within yourself, you’re not imagining things, they twist everything to not be accountable.
If you’re still in a relationship with the narcissist, you need to take notes of these threats, recorded every act no matter how small. Same as your phone, if you can record, take photos and send to a safe email account and delete off the phone. I wish I’d done this more. In the odd moment, I’d take a photo, so I have some evidence, at the time I didn’t know why I did, just that I needed to. in case you need to gather evidence, that they are abusive for any court dates. Never ever show that record to the narcissist to prove you are right, they will take it as a criticism. you will get rage and it will be destroyed. Make sure it’s kept away from home, or where the narcissist can find it.
If it comes out. Some will deny it. Say it’s taken out of context, of that you’ve made it up, with enough evidence, the truth speaks. Their reality is different to yours, you may also need these to remind yourself of what you are leaving behind, or have left, in those moments of self-doubt that they weren’t that bad.
They will have done their best to get in first with others, why the narcissist explained to the injured child’s parents, why they explained to those around them before they heard rumours.
A written diary of events down the line will counteract the narcissist, memory of events that took place.
When they start to threaten, if at all possible, you need to leave the room your in, they may follow as they will feel criticised, only you know the capabilities of the narcissist that you are dealing with. If you stay in the room, do not challenge them as hard as this can be. If you pay close attention, they are very predictable in the patterns, of the way they argue. The manipulation methods they work through, the golden period, devalue, discard, hoover. Your brain has been trained to respond in a certain way to them, so now you need to make a conscious, effort to re-train your mind.
When you break the repetition of your reactions to them, it gives you an advantage, as they go off balance. Do not agree to save yourself from the threat, do not challenge them on it, no reaction,
If you’ve left, they might stop with the intimidation, they might change to their next tactic, again if you take, note you will see the pattern. Some narcissists are extremely dangerous, so you need to get out and get away, others are mostly mouth little action.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. Yes, they all have the same traits, they are all individuals though, you know what yours is truly capable of.
The narcissist doesn’t learn lessons, they just repeat the same cycle, so once they’ve worked through all other methods and still not got to you. They will go back to intimidation.
They intimidate with, pity play, rage, false apology, depending on the narcissist or situation, depends on the order, no reaction they slowly move through them until they move on.
You can and you will move forward to a better life for you.