A narcissist can and will take anyone down. No matter how intelligent you are, they pick away at you to find any secrets that they will then use against you. Often leaving you so emotionally broken and confused, full of anxiety, anger and pain, they will take your job, home, bank accounts, your children, even who you are. They will leave you as broken as they possibly can.
You can leave that narcissist behind, you can find yourself again, you can find your self-love, self-respect, self-worth, standards, values, boundaries, passions and dreams, you can move forward to an amazing, incredible new life.
They know how to hook you in the first place, they see your companion and vulnerability, they will love bomb you, Mirror you, making you feel like you’ve met your soulmate, the one, like life, couldn’t get better, so your are always wanting to get that back, the highs and lows of the relationship causing the trauma bond with you.
Parents will raise you up, to drop you low. They will pity play and guilt trip. Hence, you conform to their demands, often offering intermittent plays of being nice to suck you back in, or using covert ways, so you’re not sure what is genuinely happening. Even though you might feel uncomfortable as a young child, it’s all you know, so you can not see clearly that there are much happier ways to live, as they are your parents we can then accept things as normal that we should have never accepted.
No matter what you do for the narcissist, nothing will ever be good enough, one minute they really loved that meal you made for them last week, yet every time you’ve made it since, something has been wrong with it, the meat was too chewy, the veg to hard, the potatoes not soft enough, then too soft.
Do you work every hour you can? Do you constantly clean the home without help? Do you pay all or most of the bills? Do you take care of the children? Do you run around doing all the chores? Does the narcissist then call you lazy?
Do you make all the meals? they might get the odd take out for them to expect eternal gratitude, saying things such as. “ look how good I am.” “ After all I do for you.” expecting compliments, only giving so they can take, as they will use anything they do for you against you in the future. Do you sort car insurance? call the Doctors for them? Transfer money when they need it? And so many more without any thanks?
Once they told you how lovely you looked, now you only get negative comments.
They do these things to make sure you’ll do whatever they need, in an instant, usually for fear of reaction from them. Also, because no matter what you do for them, it’s never good enough. They will destroy and shatter your self-worth and your self-esteem.
When you’ve been isolated from friends and family as they blamed your parents or your friends, even your children from previous relationships, for the problems in your relationship or moved you miles away from those who love you. When they have done this, and you’ve got no support, they can manipulate further with the silent treatments. The silent treatment is abuse.
Being denied emotional support when you so desperately need it feels like your soul is dying.
Captivators, use withholding any emotional support and a ton of criticism, followed by no emotional support. When you study narcissism, you’ll notice the pattern in almost everything, if not everything, they do. You are a hostage, and you need to find a way out. Or if you’re out, you need to stay out. Narcissists use negativity, so you lose everything about who you are.
You’re in emotional phycological isolation.
If you pick up the hoover or don’t answer the phone, do you or did you fear reaction from them?
If you haven’t left, leave now.
If you have left, no contact.
Narcissistic people isolate you from others, so they have more control over you, as you only have them left for reality checks. They will invalidate your thoughts, feelings and efforts, so you feel unworthy and become unable to trust in others with their many manipulation tactics, including triangulation, where they play people off against each other to divide and conquer, they will put you down, so you work harder to please them, they will cause arguments, so you walk around on eggshells trying your personal best not to set them off.
Be it parents, friends, partners or boss that is who they are. You can not help them. You can, however, help you and break free.
You need to detach from the narcissist, heal and find that everything has a silver lining.
You can, and you will recover. It starts from within, then starts believing, then start doing, then see you are achieving.
Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
You’ve got this.