Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A narcissist can and will take anyone down, no matter, how intelligent you are, they pick away to find any secrets that they will then use against you. Often leaving you so emotionally broken and confused, full of anxiety, anger and pain, they will take your job, home, bank accounts, your children, even who you are. They will leave you as broken as they possibly can.
You can leave that narcissist behind, you can find yourself again, you can find your self-love, self-respect, self-worth, standards, values, boundaries, passions and dreams, you can move forward to an amazing, incredible new life.
They know how to hook you in the first place, they see empathy and vulnerability, if your compassionate, trusting and full of empathy, they will love bomb you, Mirror you, making you feel like you’ve met your soulmate, like life, couldn’t get better, so your always wanting to get that back, the highs and lows cause the trauma bond with you.
Parents will raise you up, to drop you low, they will pity play and guilt trip so you conform to their demands, often offering intermittent plays of being nice to suck you back in, or using covert ways so you’re not sure what truly happening, even though you might feel uncomfortable as a young child it all you know, so you can not see clearly that there are a much happier ways to live, as they are parents we accept things as normal that we should have never accepted.
No matter what you do for the narcissist, nothing will ever be good enough, they really loved that hot pot you made for the last week, yet every time you’ve made it since, something has been wrong with it, the meat was too chewy, the veg to hard, the potatoes not soft enough, then too soft.
Do you work every hour you can? Do you constantly clean the home without help? Do you pay all or most of the bills? Do you take care of the children? Do you run around doing all the chores? Do they call you lazy?
Do you make all the meals? they might get the odd take out for them. “ look how good I am.” Compliments they are waiting for, which they will use against you in the future. Do you sort car insurance? call the Doctors for them? transfer money when they need it? And so many more without any thanks?
Once they told you how lovely you looked, now you only get negative comments.
They do these things to make sure you’ll do whatever they need, in an instant, usually for fear of reaction from them. Also because no matter what you do for them, it’s never good enough, they will destroy and shatter your self worth and your self-esteem.
When you’ve been isolated from friends and family as they blamed your parents or your friends, even your children from previous, relationships, for the problems in your relationship, or moved you miles away from those who love you. When they have done this and you’ve got no support, they can manipulate further with the silent treatments, The silent treatment is abuse.
Being denied emotional support when you so desperately need it feels like your soul is dying.
Captivators, use withholding any emotional support, and a ton of criticism, followed by no emotional support, when you study narcissism, you’ll notice the pattern in almost everything, if not everything they do. You are a hostage and you need to find a way out. Or if you’re out you need to stay out. Narcissist use negativity, so you lose everything about who you are.
You’re in emotional phycological isolation.
If you pick up the hoover or don’t answer the phone, do you or did you fear reaction from them?
If you haven’t left, leave now.
If you have left, no contact.
Narcissistic people, isolate you from others so they have more control over you, as you only have them left for reality checks. They will invalidate your thoughts, feelings and efforts so you feel unworthy and become unable to trust in others with their many manipulation tactics including triangulation, where they play people off against each other to divide and conquer, they will put you down so you work harder to please them, they will cause arguments so you walk around on eggshells trying your personal best not to set them off.
Be it parent, friend, partner or boss, that is who they are, you can not help them, you can, however, help you and break free.
You need to detach from the narcissist, heal and find that everything has a silver lining.
You can and you will recover, it starts from within, then starts believing, then start doing, then see you are achieving.
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