Why narcissists lie, and some of the more common lies narcissists might use.
A narcissist can lie and do so with such conviction that most people unwittingly get sucked in by their endless games and lies.
A narcissist has often buried their real selves; if they were born this way or had some trauma in their childhood, it is not fully known. Psychologists believe narcissists and sociopaths are made throughout life, and psychopaths are born. The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. However, they all have traits, and it varies from each narcissist, which five to all nine they have, which personality type they are, which tactics they use most, and the severity of the tactics.
The main thing with a narcissist is their lack of empathy towards others, their inability to be accountable for anything, always blaming others for their own faults. They believe they are entitled, and they exploit people to meet a need of their own; reasonable people can tell white lies, usually not to hurt another’s feelings, as we all make mistakes, or tell white lies, like if your child wants chocolate. You just blurt out without thinking that you haven’t got any, as you think they’ve had enough treats that day, and you’ve not got the energy to explain. Yet you know what you said, and if the child found some, you’d be honest. Narcissists lie purely to meet a need of their own, often they tell that many lies they genuinely believe them as they become their own reality; not all narcissists are the Grandiose ones, not all are successful, and those who are not successful will have endless reasons as to why it’s someone else fault, not all are amazing in Looks, because of their own insecurities they use a self-image to feel better about themselves, they lie about achievements to look better than they are, they also believe they are above all those around them. They have little self-esteem, so they have to destroy others, to try and hide away from their true selves. So they use manipulation and lies to seem like they are Better than who they indeed are.
Common lies they say, do and why.
Number 1. In The Idealisation Stage With A Narcissist.
“You’re my soulmate.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you before.”
“I think I’m falling for you.”
Usually very quickly after meeting them. While in the idealisation stage, if you’ve been with a narcissist, you’ll know how amazing they are in the beginning; it’s all An Illusion. They want your admiration, and they admire things in you; those qualities they admire in you they Mirror you, matching all your likes and dislikes, to get all the positive admiration and attention from you. You could say that you had actually fallen in love with the great person you are, so if you’re fresh out and thinking about that start and how much you loved them, remember what it was, and start doing those things for yourself again, the best relationship you can have, is the one within yourself. Narcissists want you to feel special in the beginning because they want something from you. They use flattery, so you fall for them; most don’t pay genuine compliments to you.
Number 2. To hook you in more.
“I love you.”
“You’re the only one for me.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you.”
Yes, people who aren’t narcissists can say those things. If you ask a narcissist why they love you, it’ll never be about you. It will always be about what you do for them and what you provide them. Where we see a t.v as an appliance to watch something, the narcissist sees people as an appliance to gain attention, emotions and material items. So how you like to buy a new t.v they like to buy a new person with the love-bombing then they will devalue, then discard when they believe they’ve used you up.
Number 3. The Devaluation Stage Of A Relationship With A Narcissist. Blame shifting, Triangulation.
“It’s because you didn’t that I acted that way.”
“My friend’s partner lets them do it.”
“If you paid more attention.”
“After all, I do for you, and this is how you repay me.”
“It’s not my fault.”
“They came after me and wouldn’t leave me alone.”
They do not take responsibility for their own actions unless it’s something good. Therefore they Project their faults onto you. As they don’t have a cognitive reflection, they can not look back and see any part they played in their problems; to them, to a narcissist, it truly is always someone else’s fault as to why they can not have their own way or why life isn’t working out for them. If you catch them cheating, remember it’s their choice, their fault for not committing to you, but they will turn it around to why you were at fault. Many of us do forgive them and try again due to the manipulation and self-doubt the narcissist has used over a prolonged period of time. They will also use Triangulation. To divide and conquer people, and they will guilt trip to confuse and get you to break down your boundaries and to conform The their rules.
Number 4. The Narcissists Manipulative Discard Stage Of The Relationship. Guilt trip and blame-shifting.
“You weren’t there for me.”
“After all, I’ve done for you.”
They want attention, they don’t want you putting anything or anyone before them; when you do, you may get the sulks, the rage, the Silent Treatments, the pity plays. Remember to ask yourself, what are your values, opinions, boundaries and standards? Are they being respected? Genuine people don’t have to agree, yet they can recognise and respect each other. If you were with a narcissist, did you lose yourself? If you’re wondering if the person you are or were with is a narcissist. Ask yourself, have you got to keep changing your beliefs, and who you are, what you like to do to suit them? A relationship is about to give and sometimes take 50/50 others 10/90 then 90/10 back to 50/5O depending on what each one is going through at any given time; if you’re doing all the giving and they are doing all the taking, its time to walk away if you’ve left it’s time for no contact.
Number 5 The Manipulative Hoover Stage Of A Narcissistic Relationship. Pity Plays.
“I need you to help me.”
They do this for fear of their true selves coming out to all those around them. I do personally believe it’s possible for anyone to change; however, from all the information I’ve studied, I’ve not come across a narcissist who has. This is because they have a disorder, and that is who they are. They are unable to empathise, or self reflect. The problem is even if they go to counselling to get change, it’s usually to manipulate someone further, to keep someone hooked and not because they want to change, because they want to further exploit as they are not accountable. After all, to them, it’s always someone else’s fault. It’ll be your fault that they are in counselling, so as soon as they have been seen to do what you wanted, they change back as it’s all to get what they want from you. Basically, they go back to who they are. They only do anything if they believe there is something in it for them.
Number 6. Gaslighting.
“I never said that.”
“You’re hearing things.”
“That didn’t happen.”
“I’ve already told you.”
“You’re too hung up on your last.”
“Stop being so sensitive.”
This has got to be one of their favourites, from staying faithful to paying bills, taking you out, to cutting the grass, to saying they will pay you back. Then when you ask why they haven’t, they will turn it onto you, cause an argument, leaving you to feel confused and full of self-doubt. They will cause an argument and blame it on you to get out of doing anything. They may take you out only if they fear they are losing you and haven’t got a replacement lined up; they only do anything if theirs something in it for themselves. They only do things to use you, not to help you.
“Don’t worry about anything.”
The narcissist believes they are above everyone else, including the police, the court, the law basically. They will always use someone else as The Scapegoat. They will make plenty of mess in all areas of life, and they will expect you to clean up after them, as in their eyes, it’s your fault.
Number 8. superiority.
“I’m so intelligent.”
“I’ve achieved so much.”
They want everyone around them to look up to and respect them; the more you get to know them or did know them, the more you realise most of what they said they had achieved is either lies or exaggerated.
The narcissists lie, manipulates and projects. Because they have little to no self-esteem, they have to show themselves and all those around them that they are superior. They have to put others down, to raise themselves up. This is why most narcissists cannot be alone. They are extremely jealous and envious of others. Therefore they will invalidate people, to place self-doubt in people’s beliefs or their own abilities, in all those around them, purely so they can stay on top.
Narcissists can talk a great talk, but they don’t walk the walk, making sure people’s actions match their words.
Please add in the comments any of the lies you heard. To help others spot a narcissist.
Remember, you are amazing, and you can have a wonderful life without all those lies and negativity vibes, something that narcissist in your life is striving to achieve. Yet, as they cycle around the same behaviour patterns, blaming all others, they never do. However, you can reflect, you can learn from past mistakes or errors in judgment, you can leave your past life in the past, and start building a whole new, much happier life for you.
You can, and you will.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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Video on how they invalidate people.
Video on the stages they take you through.