Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Why they lie and some of the more common lies they tell,
They have buried their real selves, if they were born this way or had some trauma in their childhood it is not fully known, narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum, although they all have the same traits, it varies from each narcissist, which tactics they use most, and the severity of the tactics. The main thing with a narcissist is complete lack of empathy towards others, their inability to be accountable for anything, always blaming others for their own faults. Not all are amazing looking or beautiful, because of their own insecurities they use a self-image to feel better about themselves, they also believe they are above all those around them. They have no self-esteem, so have to destroy others, to try and heal this. So they use manipulation to seem like they are Better than who they truly are.
Common lies they say, do and why. Have you heard any?
Number 1. ”
“You’re my soulmate.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you before.”
Usually very quickly after meeting them. If you’ve read my golden period post, and you’ve been with a narcissist you’ll know how amazing they are in the beginning, it’s not them it’s all an illusion. They are mirroring you, you have actually fallen in love with yourself, so if you’re fresh out and thinking about that start and how much you loved them, remember What it was, and start doing those things for yourself again, the best relationship you can have, is the one within yourself. They want you to feel special in the beginning, because they want something from you. They use flattery so you fall for them, they don’t actually pay compliments to you, I do have a post that explains more about, flattery vs compliments.
“I love you.”
“You’re the only one for me.”
“I’ve never met anyone like you.”
Yes, people who aren’t narcissist will say those things, if you ask a narcissist why they love you it’ll never be about you, it will always be about what you do for them and what you provide them. where we see a t.v as an appliance to watch something, the narcissist sees people as an appliance, to gain emotions and material items. So how you like to buy a new t.v they like to buy a new person with the love bombing them devalue, then discard when they believe they’ve used you up.
“it’s because you didn’t that I acted that way.”
“ friends partner lets them do it.”
“ if you paid more attention.”
“ after all I do for you, this is how you repay me.”
“ it’s not my fault.”
“ they came after me and wouldn’t leave me alone.”
They do not take responsibility for their own actions unless it’s something good, therefore they project their faults onto you. If you catch them cheating, it’s their fault for not committing to you, but they will turn it around to why you were at fault, and a lot forgive them and try again, due to the manipulation and self-doubt the narcissist has used over a prolonged period of time. They will also use triangulate and guilt trip to confuse and get you to conform The there rules.
“you weren’t there for me.”
“ you’re selfish.”
They want attention, they don’t want you putting anything or anyone, before them, when you do, you may get the sulks, the rage, they silent treatment, the pity plays. Remember to ask yourself, are your values, opinions, boundaries and standards being respected? If you were with a narcissist did you lose yourself? If you’re wondering if the person you are or were with is a narcissist. Ask yourself have you got to keep changing your beliefs and who you are, what you like to do to suit them? A relationship is about give and take if you’re doing all the giving and they are doing all the taking, its time to walk away if you’ve left it’s time for no contact.
“I need you to help me.”
They do this for fear of their true selves coming out to all those around them. I do believe it’s possible for anyone to change, from all the information I’ve studied I’ve not come across a narcissist who has. The problem is even if they go to counselling to get change, it’s usually to keep someone hooked, and not because they want to. As they are not accountable, because to them it’s always someone else’s fault, it’ll be your fault that they are in counselling, so as soon as they have been they have been seen to do what you wanted, they change back as it’s all to basically get what they want from you, they go back to who they are. They only do anything if they believe there is something in it for them.
“ I never said that.”
“You’re hearing things.”
This has got to be one of their favourites, from staying faithful, to paying bills, taking you out, to cutting the grass, to saying they will pay you back. Then when you ask why they haven’t, they will turn it onto you, cause an argument, leaving you to feel confused and full of self-doubt. They will cause an argument and blame it on you to get out of doing anything. They may take you out, only if the fear they are losing you and haven’t got a replacement, they only do anything, if theirs something in it for themselves.They only do things to use you not to help you.
“Don’t worry about anything.”
Narcissist believes they are above everyone else, including the police, court, the law basically. They will always you someone else as a scapegoat.
“ I’m so intelligent.”
“I’ve achieved so much.”
They want everyone around them to look up and respect them, the more you get to know them, or did know them, the more you realise most of what they said they had achieved, is either lies or exaggerated.
Narcissist lie, manipulation, project. Because they have no self-esteem. They have to show themselves and all those around them, that they are superior. They have to put others down, to raise themselves up. This is why most narcissists cannot be alone.
Narcissist talk the great talk, but they don’t walk the walk, so make sure peoples actions match their words.
Please add in comments any of the lies you heard. To help others spot a narcissist.
Remember you are amazing and you can have a wonderful life, without all those lies and negativity vibes, something your ex or soon to be ex will never be able to do.