Overcoming narcissistic abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Overcoming your loneliness after a narcissistic relationship. If the break up is new or the children visit the other parent and you are at a loss with what to do with yourself.
We all do have a need for human connection. There are six human needs, we have the fundamental human needs for survival such as air to breath, food to eat, water to drink and shelter. A great man named Tony Robbins discovered the six personal human needs, which are.
Love and connection.
There are great online test to find what your top two human needs are, so you can work your life around what fills your needs best, now once you meet three of these needs you become addicted, whether these are met, positively, negatively or neutrally, once you hit three you become addicted, a narcissistic relationship with a parent, partner, boss or friend, you can meet all six of these needs and become addicted in a negative way. So finding something positive that meets three of these needs helps with recovery, if you enjoy doing something and become positively addicted, Recovery from a narcissistic relationship will be much easier as your mind will become focused elsewhere, so long as you don’t self-sabotage, as abuse is so addictive, we often come out, with self-doubt and talking to ourselves how the abuser did, so working on healing these and our insecurities whilst finding new hobbies to fill out time can help speed up those baby steps.
Learning something new, where you meet or help others can fill the need for growth, connect, significance if helping others and uncertainty if new, then certainty once you’ve started a new routine.
People can help others in all areas, lorry driver delivering good if that’s what you enjoy, hairdressers, shop assistant, web designers, the possibilities are endless and it all down to find what you like, if you like it and enjoy it, you will create the drive to keep you going when it gets hard, as life does get hard, we are all here to learn, we are all here to grow, we all make mistakes along the way, it’s just our first attempt in learning and it’s no matter how many attempts we take, so long as we keep trying new methods until we find the one that works for us. Baby steps, we where all baby’s once, we didn’t give up learning and growing, we kept going, somewhere along the way that drives might have gotten sidetracked and that’s ok we just go again, you are special, you are capable and you can do what you’d like to do for you.
Try not to worry about feeling lonely right now, others have been there and got through it, and can you too.
To be alone, means you are physically alone.
To be lonely is a physical state of mind.
So you can be alone with yourself and not feel lonely.
Or as you probably realised during the narcissistic relationship you can be with someone and feel lonely.
Face removing the toxic people from your life.
Accept the loneliness and embrace it. It’s all about taking the small steps to get to where you want to be.
Step 1. Stop telling yourself you are lonely it’ll not help, tell yourself. “I’m good with my own company.” Then do some of the following things until you are.
Step 2. Create a vision of where you want to be in six months, write it down, focus on it, then take the steps to get yourself there.
Embrace your loneliness, your time is now yours, to do what makes you happy, to find what you enjoy, to do things that give you inner joy, have a break and do what you want to do.
Step 3. Creating new routines for yourself and how you want to do things now.
Step 4. Call a friend, sometimes they might say no, that’s fine people are busy, others they might say yes, great.
Step 5. Focus on your quality of friends, not the quantity.
Step 6. Learn to be happy with your own company. Join groups, people with similar interests to your own, find new interests. Volunteer, or give something back, it really helps you. As Charles Dickens said. “ no one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.” find something you’re interested in that’s creative and do it, even if it’s just singing in the shower.
Step 7. Be true to yourself, don’t people please, do what makes you happy, do what feels right for you. Find one thing you are, then take note, then find another, then take note, keep asking yourself, “ what do I enjoy,” “who do I want to be.” “ who am I.”
Step 9. Remember creating yourself new hobbies and new routines, takes time so take your time do the baby steps and find things that you enjoy.
step 10. Work on your Presences, right now you need to focus on the moment, focus on today, don’t be distracted, by worrying about the past, or the future. Live in the here and now, whatever you are doing at every moment of every day focus on the task you are doing if you start obsessing about the past. Bring your self back and concentrate on what you are doing right now,
Step 11. Everyone has insecurities, everyone has dreams, everyone eats, everyone has strange quirks, take a genuine interest in others, learn what you do have in common, with people
Step 12. Relax, don’t rush yourself through, take time out and do what you want to do for you.
Step 13. Reach out to others, either to get the help and support you need or to help support and advise those in need.
There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely, embrace that feeling, it’s there to help you learn who you are, others have and so can you. It will be ok, it will work out, just believe in yourself, take the steps to create a new happier life for you.
please click the link below for the free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse
Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse
Video for more information on the human needs.
Video to help with vulnerabilities and insecurities.