The Narcissists Discard.
When you first meet them, life is fantastic, and you feel like it could not get any better. They tell and show you in so many ways why they are with you and how much they love you. Some sentences they use may seem over the top, and some make sense.
Then over time, they slowly start to Devalue you. It is confusing, upsetting and just a horrendous thing to go through. They will do whatever they can to cause you pain. They will explain things to you, but it’ll not make sense, and this is done on purpose by the narcissist to keep you confused and where they want you, causing Cognitive Dissonance within your mind.
Then they will discard you while you’re left empty, exhausted and shattered by everything they’ve put you through. You’ll get no explanation as to why they’ve left. They walk away with their head held high, often with all your hopes and dreams, while you are left to wonder what’s just happened. Why has it all suddenly ended? Why they’ve not told you? What did you do to cause this?
Narcissists fail to give you any explanation, and they have a calculated, manipulative reason not to tell you, they believe they are superior, so they think that they are above you, they feel entitled to do as they please, so they don’t think they need to explain themselves to anyone. As they’re not accountable for anything, they think it’s all your fault, you failed them, and this also leaves you with more questions, more self-doubt and more self-blame. Which they need you to be so they can tell everyone you were the crazy one. They don’t want to give you information about why it ended, as they believe they are superior. They lack the Empathy to care for how their toxic behaviour affects those around them because they are too preoccupied with their own fantasies of how their life should be.
Five reasons they discard.
1. They leave because they realise you’ve worked out exactly what they are, either from others telling you or you might have googled their behaviour and found out about it on the internet. So the narcissist believes they must provoke you and get an emotional reaction from you. You may not fully understand why they are doing this or why it’s so important to them, but you do know they want you to React, and you’ve stopped reacting. You’ve learnt to respond in a neutral manner, which the narcissist hates. So they up their manipulative games with you. While they work on finding someone new to try and provoke more reactions from you to help with their Smear campaigns against you, you’ve learned all about those manipulation games they play, you’ve turned off their supply and no longer give them any emotional reaction, yet you’ve not walked away, perhaps because of the family home, children, financial reason, or you don’t fully understand narcissism and still hope they will change to the person you met in the Idealisation stage of the relationship. They feel a loss of control without your emotional response, so they leave.
2. They’ve found someone new. They’ve probably had no end of affairs in the past to find a suitable backup, for if you leave them. They’ve idealised someone new who’s giving them lots of attention. So now they have a nice new shiny person to play with their feelings. Don’t worry. It’s nothing you did. It’s not because they love them. It’s so they can use them. Most often, a narcissist will try and come back to Hoover you when things aren’t working out with the new.
“They treat you badly because something is wrong with them. Genuine people don’t go around trying to destroy people.“
3. They’ve entirely destroyed your Physical and mental health. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t actually want to finish you off. They want to control you. They want to take you down to bring you back up to take you down again. Like holding your head underwater just long enough so you need air to bring you to back up for air to just shove you under again.
“Don’t go back to those who tried to drown you in the hopes they’ll save you”, E.S
Sometimes through all their manipulative Gaslighting, they take it too far and completely destroy your mental and physical health so you can not come back up from the mess they’ve put you in. No, you can not while you’re with them, but once you leave, you can rebuild your life. You might be hurting now, you might be full of self-doubts, you might be feeling numb, even in a hospital because of a mental breakdown, but you can, and you will recover. Often most narcissists don’t actually mean to push you this far, as they’re getting nothing from you, they’re no longer getting the attention they believe themselves to be entitled to, worse you might be getting the attention, as they’re getting no attention from you, they leave. Again telling those around you that you’re crazy. Which to others, you will look. Others will not always realise it’s the narcissist that sent you that way and put you there, and you may not until you leave.
4. Exposure. Because you’ve worked them out but not entirely, and you’ve not worked it all out. You may be trying to tell those around you who they are because you don’t know the full facts. Also, the narcissist will have gotten in there before you. To maintain the mask. Some may realise and see you’re telling the truth, so they take your side. People might turn their backs on the narcissist. The narcissist’s false self is crumbling, they feel criticism, and they are no longer getting any attention from you, and it takes too much energy from them to get any. So rather than face the music. They drop you like a hot potato and move on for someone new. With people who don’t know what they are.
“They don’t leave you for someone better. They leave you for someone who can not see through their lies.”
5. Criticism. Not only do you know who they are, you know to give no reaction this pains a narcissist as they feel like they are losing control of you, which criticises the narcissist arrogance, it hurts a narcissist greatly. They have been beaten and hate it. They believe you’ve been taught by someone. Also, they feel like they are under attack. So they flee quickly. They retreat. They want to get revenge. They want to recover. Then come back to get you once your guard has dropped.
“No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who is losing control of someone else’s mind.”
Those are some of the many reasons a narcissist leaves. Remember, it might not feel like it right now, but their leaving is the best thing that could possibly happen to you.
”One day, you’ll be grateful for not getting the things you thought you wanted.”
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.