” When you’re continually confused by their presence, it’s time to adjust to their absence. ”
Stages of a relationship with a narcissist, the beginning, middle and the end, can you relate? Some of you may miss a few, some of you may add a few. All though relationships with a narcissist are all similar they’ve not all exactly the same, the narcissist is an individual, and their levels of manipulation and abuse are different between each one. The same for us, the period we are in the relationship differs, as the number of times we take them back, the recovery period also depends on the individual. Just keep working on you; you will get there.
Stage one. You get into a relationship with an amazing person believing you’ve met the one. They are perfect in every way, with dating you are now done.
Stage two. The narcissist changes towards you, arguments, gaslighting, the silent treatment and much more, you should really kick them out and close the door, but you don’t see it as them being the problem, you’ve been manipulated into thinking it’s all down to you. So you work harder to please them again in everything you do.
Stage three. They leave you for someone new, they’ve been on dating sights perhaps getting close to someone you knew. They make you look crazy to the new person. All while they are enjoying triangulating you. The new person doesn’t understand that their situation will also worsen.
Stage four. They come back, you believe they’ve changed, because of the trauma bond and the love you had in the beginning before their mask slipped, you give it another go. When really what you now know is what you should have said is NO.
Stage five. The narcissist changes towards you again, yet you still don’t see it like them because of all the manipulation. The narcissist continues with great calculation.
Stage six. They leave again, not giving you any answers, not wanting to talk to you, no closer given. Threats towards you are made. You may have finally left them knowing they’ll never give to you any of those promises that they made. You’re struggling to get out of bed, get on with your day, and the narcissist is just running in circles around your head.
Stage seven. You try to find answers for your self and look on google as your mind starts to wonder. What you discover leaves your mind in a ponder.
Stage eight. The narcissist comes back to make amends, because of all the self-doubt they have given you, as you’ve been questioning if you are the narcissist, you feel lucky to have them back, and yet again you try to change, if they are the narcissist, you decided not to believe in all that you read. There are different types of a narcissist it’s on a spectrum, yes most narcissistic people cannot be cured but Perhaps you can be the one to help, and you can change them, so you try again. Or you think they made a genuine mistake. For it to cycle back around to the end yet again.
Stage nine. You decided enough is enough of these threats violence, but you’re not going to keep your silence. You go to the police and get a restraining order. To keep them away from you so you can start rebuilding your life. Now to the narcissist you’ve created your own border.
Stage ten, You’re back on the internet again trying to learn more about who they are, as this helps you recover and discover who you indeed are.
Stage eleven. You get to a moment after learning about the narcissist that actually you are no longer afraid of them and their silly mind games. You know who they are and everything they do. You know that they can not change. You know all of their ways. Some are dangerous, so some of you may need to move far away. You can start to learn to love and trust in yourself. Learn to love and trust others again. You start to pity the narcissist because you know it’s something they’ll never be able to do.
You even feel pity for the replacement, to them you no longer hold any resentment. Knowing they’re at the start of the journey of everything you’ve been through,
Stage twelve. You think about warning that new person as you’re a good-hearted person with empathy that doesn’t want to see others come to harm. Then you remember where it all started and how the narcissist told you all of the exes are all crazy. You know the narcissist will have made out to them that you are too. So feeling sad you can not help, you leave well alone, as that battles not for you to do. You have to move forward and do what’s right for you.
Stage thirteen, your clarity becomes clearer day by day, as you have grown stronger and start loving yourself more in every way. You realise what a warped and insane your ex truly is. You know they can never change their behaviour. You know everything you’ve been through and how you’ve acted is completely normal behaviour that normal people who love and have empathy in that situation would also do. Now all your self doubts you had started to waiver.
Stage fourteen, you’ve given yourself closure and know it’s time to move on because from today your new life has begun.
You know about narcissists and all that they do, how similar they are in so many ways. You start to enjoy all of your days. You know how others have been in similar situations, so you start reaching out to those and help with their recovery as knowing you’re not alone helps build your trust. You trust in others that have got through it before. You’re no longer afraid to speak up as in your life the narcissist is no more.
Stage fifteen, your positive thoughts are growing day by day. You can see clearly in your own true way. The future seems brighter than it ever was before. For Yourself, you begin to open that new door.
Stage sixteen, you look back on the experience and see it for precisely what it was. You know the narcissist will always be stuck in that warped lonely mind of theirs, the relationship was no good for you. You did not benefit. You now know this is all true.
Stage seventeen. You’ve have grown stronger and wiser than you were before, you know the signs to look out for In those real energy draining vampires that exist out there in our world, you are truly at peace and happy within yourself again. You’re no longer interested in the abuse that they hurled.
Stage eighteen. The narcissist no longer has any hold over you in any way shape or form, although you may think of that narcissist now and again, you know you were never to blame, you no longer want to see or contact them. You’re in control of your own life. However, the narcissist will always be in some form of strife.
So as thinking about the narcissist becomes less and less, you know they have no feelings and do not care about anyone other than themselves. Healing is evident within yourself. You know that narcissist might reappear. To try and destroy everything you’ve gained. You’re hoping never to see or hear from them again, now though you are wiser and so much stronger. Weak, you are no longer.
So narcissist well done you won achieved everything you wanted you messed with my head and my life in every single way. Savour your victory’s as they’ll never last, because of you I’m stronger and better than the person I was in the past. You taught me who I am today, and you inspired me. So thank you for all the lessons you gave. Because in life now I’m winning. Whereas you’ll always be stuck, stuck at the beginning, circling around and around again and again. In that empty soul, you have to which I’m not to blame.
So whatever stage of the journey you are at. Believe in your self, happiness again you will achieve.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended Reading List.