Most people would lose their sense of self around a narcissist if the narcissist were a parent you might have never had a sense of who you were, so how do we rebuild this?
The negative effect on your self-worth after a narcissist is vast, you can, and you will overcome it, right now you may feel lost, you may feel shame, and you may feel unworthy, you may be full of so many doubts, this is all because of how the narcissist treated you. You are not alone; others have and do feel like this too. So don’t be ashamed it’s normal feelings after being with a narcissist. Don’t let it shape you to who you are today, don’t tell yourself I’m not good enough. Tell yourself. “I am good enough, I am worthy, I do deserve to be treated better” to leave the narcissist behind yes that is hard with trauma bond, but you can get through it. You might be ashamed to speak up for yourself, and you might be talking down to yourself. You might be hiding away at home and lost your self-care. Lose the blame and the shame and rebuild yourself.
Self-worth is about valuing, respecting and knowing your own self-worth knowing your personal values and who you are. Start with giving yourself the courage to be yourself, small steps, small risks to get things you want for yourself even if you are afraid. For example, if you’re not wanting to go out with friends, give yourself courage just make yourself get dressed and go, once you are there you will have fun. When home, you’ll be proud of yourself, and this will help you continue to grow. If the narcissist stopped you from working, give yourself the courage to begin applying for those jobs. Just do it and keep going until you achieve what you want. Getting out of bed and walking out of that front door. Just give yourself courage, make yourself do it, even if it’s only a 5 minute stroll, you will start to feel better—the courage of taking the children out.
Identify your own values and start living by them. Start setting standards for yourself, what you will and will not accept from yourself. Also, standards of behaviour you’ll accept from those around you. Start creating boundaries for yourself and those around you—strong boundaries around the narcissist. Stand up to them for what you believe in what you want. Do not listen to them. When you know you’re doing the right thing for you, it doesn’t matter what they think. Now it’s about you. Give yourself the protection of your own values with standards and boundaries. Once you grow these, you’ll get more courage within yourself to do more. Slowly start speaking up for yourself and your own beliefs. Again baby steps all the way once you achieve the little things the big thing will become so much easier.
Read and learn everything you can about the narcissist. How to help yourself recover, you’ve got to put the work in but you can achieve recovery, take information that helps you as we are individuals and everyone’s recovery is different.
With a narcissist, no contact is best to help rebuild yourself, if you have children with them and they see the children, limited contact.
Yes, I know this is hard after being in this kind of a relationship with a narcissist that’s destroyed it all. Remember you had these before. You changed them for the narcissist. You can change them back for yourself. You are not alone. Others before you have done it and you’re teaching others after you that they can do it too.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended Reading List.